Somebody opened up some doors I thought I had long closed in another post .I had a thirty plus year marriage and relationship with one person that came to a pinful end .I was told I still love you but I'm not in love with you ! I cried foul ,nothing but BS. Can someone explain how thats possible with that length of time involved ? I say she was influenced bt the needy people she surrounded herself with am I wrong ?

Eros vs Enos,,,,or simply that being IN LOVE is not a constant but a feeling of euphoria that comes and gos and comes and gos in most relationships. Being IN LOVE is not as dependable as loving although we all want to be IN LOVE.

Loving someone is unconditional but being IN LOVE usually requires a total obsession with nothing but what is good about the person,,an adoring or even idolization of a person. I think it is possible to grow apart in such a way that you just cant imagine idolizing that person in that way again,,although you may still love them.

well I guess I have a different definition which is you take the good with the bad and you work at compromise and understanding .A constant eb and flo of give and take .If I could do it why not someone else .

I agree with you and Im not referring to your situation at all, so I hope you do not take it that way. I just know that , in general, that give and take can sometimes turn into one side TAKING alot more than they are giving and when that balance goes off too far it sometimes seems a lost cause trying to get it back. For instance, the relationship where one partner thinks things are PERFECT while the other is clearly miserable. This would be a relationship that turned south although they may have once been in love.

Iwas that my post that opened the door star traveller? I'm actuall still dealing with that very same thing.. first girlfriend.. 10 year relationship from 18 til 3 months ago.. very sucky feelings going through me every single day! Total blows.

I understand and appreciate your responses ,thank you.I have a hard time understanding the I love you part when you do something that goes right to a persons soul with no regrets and then have the nerve to say that as I would feel no love in return !

People confuse what Love actually is, they think it is butterflies, and all rosy all the time. Love is not just a feeling, Love is an action. Love is something you have to choose to do, because you care about a person. It's not fleeting...infatuation is.True Love is very difficult...for everyone. Sometimes choosing to love is easier on some days and more difficult on other days. But it is again something you must choose.

Its not easy,, but its better that the person is honest enough to walk away than for them to continue to lead their partner on.

I can understand that but in my case She never communicated any discontent to me. Then said she was leaving and i asked if there was someone else or if anything was going on and she said no. Turned out there was. looking back i can see where i went wrong. but she was soo very cowardly to do it like that.

Humm seems like to me if the love is still there then one can fall in love with them again if they really want to. That is if there is not another within the picture. Somethings happen and the love you once had can not be returned.

But when only one is willing to find that love within again it will never work it takes two.

Many times too many take for granted of the love they do have and fail to keep it alive. Love like anything else it has to be nurtured and keep alive and free or it will grow stale and start to fade away.

No Kommy it was a response from someone else .It's a term I have come to hate and it just opoened long closed doors thats all.Isaac I understand what your saying but 30 plus years ? There is alot I am not saying about what she did but I love you ? Thats a bit of a stretch

Thanx Txs.I agree with that .

sadly, it means they don't want to work on it, it means they want out (and likely they have already found someone else)... it means they don't want to fix the old car, they want a shiney new one, with new buttons, and the new car smell...

It happens, it sucks... if they show no willingness to "try" - then it's over (painful as it is)... one day, they may realize what they have thrown away, they may not - either way, the odds are against reconcilliation...

Luck to you OP: - I can totally understand and relate...

$.02

Thanks everybody The words just opened old wounds I thought long buried .I'm just trying to understand the thought behind them as I have come to loath that statement !

It's a cop out.

So very true been there had it done they were not willing to try as I was at the time. By the time he realized it and finally admitted to me he was wrong too much had happened for me to go back there.

But at times when we still think of those things and it brings back the old memories. It is yet a hint telling you that you have not crossed that bridge yet of bringing it to a closer. Once you can come to that point when you look back the memories will be there but you will realize your better off where you are within the long run.

You can love another with all your heart but you can't make them love you the same way. At times closer is not an easy bridge to cross it takes a lot of soul searching and looking at reality and letting it sink in as well.

The way I see it they were only a stepping stone to the one to come.... At least that is what works for me.

One must be able to leave the hate behind and learn to move on......it is not easy at times but it can be done.....

Thought it was long buried Txs.that statement just drudged it up again thats all.I always wanted to ask someone to explain it to me but I never asked .

sometimes, its a nicer way of saying I still want you to be happy (love you) but Im miserable with you(not in love)

Love means having faith in someone so much that you hand them your heart.

The absence of that is not love but infatuation. I am convinced that most people only know of infatuation and not love.


/sappymomentoff