Just need a little advice

Hi sarah....welcome to the forums (first of all)

it takes time.
sometimes you get it all out by talking to people that care about you
sometimes you just have to reframe your thinking.
sometimes it's a combo of a lot of things

Welcome Sarah!

It's all about time.

cheating..................................

i never understood the concept. if one is tired of the person, move on. if they are cheating, they have generally MORE than just one, and that is bountiful, so in that case, they should move on, for they have more than enough sex if that's the case. also, this means that this is all that matters to them is sex!!! not love!!!.......rather shallow. these people should always remain single.....FOREVER!!!!

what's the point in dragging someone with a good heart down?

but they do...............everytime, it seems...pitiful! once a cheater, always a selfish sociopath with no concience, or care for others....get a thrill to kill a heart? ......so lame, no excuse...sorry...

it also blends into their personality and effects the rest of their actions as well....the selfishness, and controlling aspects.......

and puts an aire of distrust, blanketing the rest of the entire society, via, all the distrust threads i see.

also, with these people, they will cheat if they think they can get away with it...........EVERY CHANCE THEY CAN GET!!! i've watched this first hand.......it was pure evil. this guy was cheating with two girls at once on a friend of mine,(a threesome in his office) i saw it, and yes, i told her, (why should i give two sh|ts about him and what he thinks! and i told him so) because she was my friend, and because of the disease aspect. she also supported him and his gambling habits. go figure....

i wish you the kindest of transitions, and healing, with the wisdom earned. if you need to talk, i'm here to help.

It may depend on your personality. Some people play tit for tat. You cheated on me, so I cheat on you, now we're even. Some people have to do the one up. You cheated on me, so now I cheat on you with someone dear to you, now we're even. Maybe you may never get over the cheating, just move on with your life. The only things that affect your life are the things you allow. Chock this one up to expirience and move on. You will find that you are a much better person if you pick yourself, dust yourself off, and live a happy life. Try not to dwell on the hurt of the betrail and focus on the good things you have in your life. Good friends always help, you just need to give them a chance. Good luck, Bulldog.

just keep in mind that the world won't stop spinning

Having been cheated on more than once it takes some time. Just hang in there.

Dunno...never really bothered me, it was over they cheated I move on. I'm not sticking myself in a **** pie because they cheated on me.

em!

Honestly Sarah I don't think you ever truly get over it, you just try to learn not to ever let yourself be run over and cheated on again. Your a beautiful young lady and know in your heart that there IS someone out there that will appriciate you enough to never lose you...

Good Luck and never give up

my ex hubby cheated before during and after we got married
i put up with his crap for 2yrs and i kicked him out of the house 4 differnr times after we got married and the 4th was the last... while i was pg with my son this was before we got married, a friend of mine was having problems in her marriage so i let her stay with us, that nite he tried to get down her pants and of course she was up all nite brushing him away, the next day she had a class that she had to go to and she called me and told me, as i confronted him while i was on the phone with her, he laughed i knew he was lying and told him while i was on the phone, i told him that i trusted her more than i did him... when we finally split up for the final time he got together with this one lady and they had a child together, and of course he cheated on her with his 2nd wife and he told her that i burned his clothes and he also told her that he threw me down the stairs..THAT NEVER HAPPENED!! im pretty sure he has cheated on his 2nd wife and they have been married for about 18yrs. i feel sorry for her dealing with his crap this long

I dont think you do get over being cheated on...
I've been cheated on twice, and I'll never forget either time.

First was when I first went active duty, almost four years ago. She didnt lie about it tho, she called me up when I was in cali and told me all about her 'new' boyfriend and how great the sex was.

Second was about a year ago, and I completely fell in love with this girl. Near the end of our relationship she was sneaking around all the time, lying, and finally I had enough. She admitted to cheating about a month ago when she started talking to me on myspace, out of the blue. apologizing for everything and that whole bit. I'll never trust her again tho so it doesnt matter.

That second one really crushed me... I was pretty depressed about that one for a while. But I learned from it, I realized why I was so crushed. Besides the immense amount of trust I put in her that was shattered, when it ended so suddenly I had so many holes and space with nothing to fill it with.
Time and space apart did nothing to help me get over it, only finding new ways to occupy my time and put trust in other people did. Even tho I really didnt wanna trust anyone else again, it helped.

It takes time and forgiveness. I think people can really make awful mistakes(not meaning they didnt mean to do it, but meaning they regret doing it after), these remorseful types can change and with forgiveness the whole ordeal can actually make the couple stronger.

Other people dont truly feel any remorse which usually means they wont change. It is hard to believe these types know what love is or ever loved you and that is a hard realization to get over. In the end, you just have to take the lessons from the relationship(both good and bad) and use them to make better choices in the future. It is when I started seeing the valuable lessons in each relationship that I was able to stop dwelling on the negatives.

Are you seeking advice on how to move on, or advice on getting back at someone for cheating?

The best way I can think of is to forgive them for what they have done. You don't have to let them know that you forgive them, or act like they never cheated or anything, but forgiving them will allow you to heal and move on in a healthy way. Release those negative and harmful feelings from yourself and realize that THEY were at fault NOT YOU. Know that YOU deserve better. Many great people are chated on far too often, you're not alone, and unfortunately you won't be the last one.

some don't

some stay cynical and bitter and untrusting the rest of their lives because of it

I don't know if you ever "get over it", I think that you learn to live with it. Maybe even understand it, but because it is a broken trust there has to be some kind of reckoning.

I've never been cheated on, nor have I ever cheated, so I can't relate. I will tell you this though. From seeing how many people are so bitter about their cheating exes (understandably), I suggest you don't let it fester. And don't blame your future relationships for what that person did to you. Good luck to you.

I agree, I havent cheated but I have been cheated on. You just have to accept that you either had different definitions of love or that person was just not right for you, OR BOTH. Think of it as being one step closer to finding the right one and being able to once again have the excitement of going through the roller coaster of emotions that comes with new love.

I've been cheated on twice, by two different girls. Granted, (hey that's my screen name. Totally didn't plan that) this was in college and we are all pretty immature. However, after it happened the second time (and she was the second consecutive girlfriend, mind you) I had a really difficult time wondering if it was me, or what I was doing. Then after some soul searching, I realized that the only place I erred was in the women I pursued. So I upped my standards a bit and haven't had a girlfriend cheat on me since. Hope that helps. :)