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| Topic: Is This A Red Flag To Anyone Besides Me? | |
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On the 'exes' subject ...
... I've learned if the person has NO exes as dear friends, and every story about the ex regards how awful the person was and all the horrors THEY ALONE were subjected to? THAT Red flag is bigger than a banner covering the entire Milky~Way Galaxy 1. Run! 2. Next! ... My dearest friends are exes, over 30 years now! It's HEALTHY to be that way!!! There is SUCH maturity and integrity level info revealed in their break~up and baggage patterns ... friendships w/ exes or no, etc ... |
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Thats why I say no to online dating...I can go up to the local Grocery store or Walmart and get a date with no drama or back stabbing...Online dating reminds me to much of High School...and its to hard to judge people online...for me, in person is the only way to go
 Cheers
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There's nothing wrong w/ you, Lori ... And I don't believe you are 'doing it wrong' either! Red flags can come from so many sources: from the 'no filter, blurters' to the angry to the predatorial to the dishonest to the seasoned, veteran internet sharks to the pitiful victims, and then some ... many more examples! It is just trickier here to realize it is a red flag, it really is a gut instinct triggered ... We just need to listen to the soft, gentle voice of warning, it's always there! ... That goes for profiles to forum posts' content, style and consistency! I've only done this a year now as well... AND? I'm just NOW getting that the dating part here really is deep, shark infested, damned tricky, waters! I'm regrouping and watching closely, tucked deep in my scientific bunker of data and patterns analysis! I'm here on a 'friends only' basis until I feel I can really manage 'the rest'! 'Once burned, twice shy' ... 'Fool me once shame on you; fool me twice, shame on ME!' I'll NEVER not listen to even the slightest of red flags again ... Holler when the missiles have all gone over ... Until then? Contrary to the old cliche, when it comes to internet dating, what you see is NOT NECESSARILY what you get.... It's a precarious balance between wanting to be open, to be trusting, and knowing that the e-world is full of sharks and loonies and users and scammers and posers and a whole bunch of people who just can't come right out and say what it is they're REALLY looking for. yes, I am finding that out...and this is part, a big part of why I like phone conversations. Much about one can come through loud and clear in a couple of phone conversations... I am fortunate to have an ability to read someone over the phone..has been a handy, helpful tool. |
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There's nothing wrong w/ you, Lori ... And I don't believe you are 'doing it wrong' either! Red flags can come from so many sources: from the 'no filter, blurters' to the angry to the predatorial to the dishonest to the seasoned, veteran internet sharks to the pitiful victims, and then some ... many more examples! It is just trickier here to realize it is a red flag, it really is a gut instinct triggered ... We just need to listen to the soft, gentle voice of warning, it's always there! ... That goes for profiles to forum posts' content, style and consistency! I've only done this a year now as well... AND? I'm just NOW getting that the dating part here really is deep, shark infested, damned tricky, waters! I'm regrouping and watching closely, tucked deep in my scientific bunker of data and patterns analysis! I'm here on a 'friends only' basis until I feel I can really manage 'the rest'! 'Once burned, twice shy' ... 'Fool me once shame on you; fool me twice, shame on ME!' I'll NEVER not listen to even the slightest of red flags again ... Holler when the missiles have all gone over ... Until then? Contrary to the old cliche, when it comes to internet dating, what you see is NOT NECESSARILY what you get.... It's a precarious balance between wanting to be open, to be trusting, and knowing that the e-world is full of sharks and loonies and users and scammers and posers and a whole bunch of people who just can't come right out and say what it is they're REALLY looking for. yes, I am finding that out...and this is part, a big part of why I like phone conversations. Much about one can come through loud and clear in a couple of phone conversations... I am fortunate to have an ability to read someone over the phone..has been a handy, helpful tool. I'd add that my NEW tool, the web cam, has set me free! I'm really 'there' then ... ... Full on gut instinct and psychic ability comes into play then ... Which has so far said 'Shut her down, Kate' ... the few times I've attempted! The veterans are NOT kidding when they say to rely on it HEAVILY!!! |
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There's nothing wrong w/ you, Lori ... And I don't believe you are 'doing it wrong' either! Red flags can come from so many sources: from the 'no filter, blurters' to the angry to the predatorial to the dishonest to the seasoned, veteran internet sharks to the pitiful victims, and then some ... many more examples! It is just trickier here to realize it is a red flag, it really is a gut instinct triggered ... We just need to listen to the soft, gentle voice of warning, it's always there! ... That goes for profiles to forum posts' content, style and consistency! I've only done this a year now as well... AND? I'm just NOW getting that the dating part here really is deep, shark infested, damned tricky, waters! I'm regrouping and watching closely, tucked deep in my scientific bunker of data and patterns analysis! I'm here on a 'friends only' basis until I feel I can really manage 'the rest'! 'Once burned, twice shy' ... 'Fool me once shame on you; fool me twice, shame on ME!' I'll NEVER not listen to even the slightest of red flags again ... Holler when the missiles have all gone over ... Until then? Contrary to the old cliche, when it comes to internet dating, what you see is NOT NECESSARILY what you get.... It's a precarious balance between wanting to be open, to be trusting, and knowing that the e-world is full of sharks and loonies and users and scammers and posers and a whole bunch of people who just can't come right out and say what it is they're REALLY looking for. yes, I am finding that out...and this is part, a big part of why I like phone conversations. Much about one can come through loud and clear in a couple of phone conversations... I am fortunate to have an ability to read someone over the phone..has been a handy, helpful tool. I'd add that my NEW tool, the web cam, has set me free! I'm really 'there' then ... ... Full on gut instinct and psychic ability comes into play then ... Which has so far said 'Shut her down, Kate' ... the few times I've attempted! The veterans are NOT kidding when they say to rely on it HEAVILY!!! I am intuitive and have learned to completely trust my gut...I will still listen to you veterans, especially those who I know love me and are my friends...(like you) 
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Baby, I'm no more a veteran than you! But Lex and others really are!!!
I've just rushed into the frontlines sooner, and found that it was a killing field battle zone they had ALL long detailed, NOT the Love Boat at all! We've been on the forums around the same time span, you've just been more cautious and not blown it like my IMPULSIVITY did! Actually ...  ... I can do well to learn from YOU!
You are doing a fine job of it, and I only share my scars and tips w/ you that you not be subjected to the same ... ... YES! ... and as said friend ... I really DO wish, hope and pray none of it on you or for you, yes, dear friend indeed! ... ... Learn from our pain and error!
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Sounds like the ones who ramble on about how much their exes suck don't have a clue how to shut up. If you've been burned by romance, there's a better way to make it known. I think that if we are in a relationship and the topic of the ex comes up, which it no doubt will...and it is agreed to have some conversation about it, well then sure lets talk a bit about it. But to broadcast it an your profile...well, just seems to throw off a really negative vibe. I mean...even if there is a little spark of interest, what can ya say in that first email "Sorry ya got burned..I'll try real hard to not act like her...wanna get to know each other?" |
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Red flag? More like a "Time Bomb" with a lit fuse to me.
Besides just good common sense, most every dating advice manual will say "AVOID talking about your ex / ex's". It is a turn off and reveals that you are not over your ex. There has to be some truth to that for why would anyone spend so much energy and time on their ex IF they don't have them on the brain? |
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A lot of bitter and jaded people on here...From what I've read on other threads, a majority...somewhere around 95% would say it was completely the other persons fault for past relationship failures and that they were innocent of any wrong doing and got totally taken advantage of...I'm thinking...you were there??? Weren't you???. Its kind of sad.
Truer words were never spoken.
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Inspired by Lex's "Glorious Profile" thread, I have been reading more profiles as of late..just for fun mostly So many go into such details about the ex..husband, wife. How he/she cheated, how he/she is a a$$hole..etc. I don't walk, I run from such a profile. Seems to me to be a lot of bitterness, being jaded to feel the need to detail such things. Is it just my perception, or is this a normal thing to do? If this thread disappears, I'll get that is a rule breaker... I'm not pointing out anyone in particular. Great question, I've always wondered why in the world would anyone put that information on a profile. Attributed those profiles as another woe is me profile, look at what I have been through, have pity on me, why me, I'm a nice man/woman. Doesn't make much sense to belittle or talk badly about another person on a profile where most are putting their best forward. |
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Inspired by Lex's "Glorious Profile" thread, I have been reading more profiles as of late..just for fun mostly So many go into such details about the ex..husband, wife. How he/she cheated, how he/she is a a$$hole..etc. I don't walk, I run from such a profile. Seems to me to be a lot of bitterness, being jaded to feel the need to detail such things. Is it just my perception, or is this a normal thing to do? They don't necessarily even need it in the profile. If you start talking to someone on the phone and they seem to have bitterness toward an ex- they aren't over it. There is a fine line between love and hate. If you are over it, you should be pretty indifferent to whatever is going on. |
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ha.
Well, I don't really respond to those. (: |
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A X boyfriend/Girlfriend or X wife/husband... should just like putting out a cigarette. You had it, injoyed, put out, and emptyed ashes/and butt.....seems simple to me. Ok you may have gotten burnt..so it heals right?..and if it has not healed...sheesh don't smoke...
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A lot of bitter and jaded people on here...From what I've read on other threads, a majority...somewhere around 95% would say it was completely the other persons fault for past relationship failures and that they were innocent of any wrong doing and got totally taken advantage of...I'm thinking...you were there??? Weren't you???. Its kind of sad.
Truer words were never spoken.
Well ... yeah, these are ALSO stellar examples of relationship red flags too, agreed! Those folks aren't seeking healing, blame is their drug of choice and they are addicts! If you get to know one, this pattern is their ENTIRE life story, not at all just the last one ... it is their EVERY one! Life Story!!! ... The point is why entertain such blame artists w/ ANY interactions in the first place? Lack of accountability to the point of vehement blame in all past connections/relationships/marriages? Those are clear internet connection red flags, reasons to NEVER communicate to the point of friendship, much less relationship ... RUN AWAY! |
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A lot of bitter and jaded people on here...From what I've read on other threads, a majority...somewhere around 95% would say it was completely the other persons fault for past relationship failures and that they were innocent of any wrong doing and got totally taken advantage of...I'm thinking...you were there??? Weren't you???. Its kind of sad.
Truer words were never spoken.
Well ... yeah, these are ALSO stellar examples of relationship red flags too, agreed! Those folks aren't seeking healing, blame is their drug of choice and they are addicts! If you get to know one, this pattern is their ENTIRE life story, not at all just the last one ... it is their EVERY one! Life Story!!! ... The point is why entertain such blame artists w/ ANY interactions in the first place? Lack of accountability to the point of vehement blame in all past connections/relationships/marriages? Those are clear internet connection red flags, reasons to NEVER communicate to the point of friendship, much less relationship ... RUN AWAY! I totally agree with this!
There is nothing more disturbing or scary than someone who can't let go of the past. 
Great advice, Kate! 
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A lot of bitter and jaded people on here...From what I've read on other threads, a majority...somewhere around 95% would say it was completely the other persons fault for past relationship failures and that they were innocent of any wrong doing and got totally taken advantage of...I'm thinking...you were there??? Weren't you???. Its kind of sad.
Truer words were never spoken.
Well ... yeah, these are ALSO stellar examples of relationship red flags too, agreed! Those folks aren't seeking healing, blame is their drug of choice and they are addicts! If you get to know one, this pattern is their ENTIRE life story, not at all just the last one ... it is their EVERY one! Life Story!!! ... The point is why entertain such blame artists w/ ANY interactions in the first place? Lack of accountability to the point of vehement blame in all past connections/relationships/marriages? Those are clear internet connection red flags, reasons to NEVER communicate to the point of friendship, much less relationship ... RUN AWAY! I totally agree with this!
There is nothing more disturbing or scary than someone who can't let go of the past.
Great advice, Kate!
Thanx, and I'd only agree on surrounding the ways one has been hurt and violated in the past w/ MUCH processing and self love. NEVER bury it! Umm, perhaps you misunderstand me? Let me clarify ... I actually believe in VERY much staying connected to the past as teacher and for our dearest touchstone friends and family! Why abandon the beauty of one's very foundation!? I am, and would be, ultra~wary of any not mature and aware enough to do so w/ both the good and the bad! That is the essence of a WHOLE person ... AND? I fully believe in embracing past loves as forever friends, the times that the ex has been a true friend. This has been my life pattern and I VERY much seek it in a partner also. Even I have had 2 situations where such was not possible, to the point of being a dangerous undertaking. Self love and protection applies then, not forgetting what is informing! Mammals must constantly review burns info, so as to avoid future burns, etc. My point was more to be disturbed by an internet, or otherwise, connection that had only terrible stories of not JUST the last, but ALL their exes ... and was consistently unaccountable to ANY past relationship demise as a constant through every tale! Venting as a beginning? That is sure to also reveal a lifelong pattern. Why involve one's self w/ someone that is not only obviously on the rebound, but is also just a genuinely nasty soul? Those ranting to their supposed 'new love' conquest about the last or EVERY past relationship that they feign absolute victimhood? GREAT INFO that heeds careful listening skills! ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT looms large here, and will touch EVERY other aspect of their life! ... HUGE red flags! Still, even saying this out loud informs such predators to hide this poker tell! But, the truth will seep out, it is their nature to constantly vent after all! Be aware ... so as to BEWARE!!! |
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Thanx, and I'd only agree on surrounding the ways one has been hurt and violated in the past w/ MUCH processing and self love. NEVER bury it! Umm, perhaps you misunderstand me? Let me clarify ... I actually believe in VERY much staying connected to the past as teacher and for our dearest touchstone friends and family! Why abandon the beauty of one's very foundation!? I am, and would be, ultra~wary of any not mature and aware enough to do so w/ both the good and the bad! That is the essence of a WHOLE person ... AND? I fully believe in embracing past loves as forever friends, the times that the ex has been a true friend. This has been my life pattern and I VERY much seek it in a partner also. Even I have had 2 situations where such was not possible, to the point of being a dangerous undertaking. Self love and protection applies then, not forgetting what is informing! Mammals must constantly review burns info, so as to avoid future burns, etc. My point was more to be disturbed by an internet, or otherwise, connection that had only terrible stories of not JUST the last, but ALL their exes ... and was consistently unaccountable to ANY past relationship demise as a constant through every tale! Venting as a beginning? That is sure to also reveal a lifelong pattern. Why involve one's self w/ someone that is not only obviously on the rebound, but is also just a genuinely nasty soul? Those ranting to their supposed 'new love' conquest about the last or EVERY past relationship that they feign absolute victimhood? GREAT INFO that heeds careful listening skills! ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT looms large here, and will touch EVERY other aspect of their life! ... HUGE red flags! Still, even saying this out loud informs such predators to hide this poker tell! But, the truth will seep out, it is their nature to constantly vent after all! Be aware ... so as to BEWARE!!! Aaahh. I see. Thank you for clarifying.
Now, when you speak of "burns" are you speaking metaphorically? |
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Edited by
Dancere
on
Mon 12/28/09 03:59 PM
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There's nothing wrong w/ you, Lori ... And I don't believe you are 'doing it wrong' either! Red flags can come from so many sources: from the 'no filter, blurters' to the angry to the predatorial to the dishonest to the seasoned, veteran internet sharks to the pitiful victims, and then some ... many more examples! It is just trickier here to realize it is a red flag, it really is a gut instinct triggered ... We just need to listen to the soft, gentle voice of warning, it's always there! ... That goes for profiles to forum posts' content, style and consistency! I've only done this a year now as well... AND? I'm just NOW getting that the dating part here really is deep, shark infested, damned tricky, waters! I'm regrouping and watching closely, tucked deep in my scientific bunker of data and patterns analysis! I'm here on a 'friends only' basis until I feel I can really manage 'the rest'! 'Once burned, twice shy' ... 'Fool me once shame on you; fool me twice, shame on ME!' I'll NEVER not listen to even the slightest of red flags again ... Holler when the missiles have all gone over ... Until then? Contrary to the old cliche, when it comes to internet dating, what you see is NOT NECESSARILY what you get.... It's a precarious balance between wanting to be open, to be trusting, and knowing that the e-world is full of sharks and loonies and users and scammers and posers and a whole bunch of people who just can't come right out and say what it is they're REALLY looking for. yes, I am finding that out...and this is part, a big part of why I like phone conversations. Much about one can come through loud and clear in a couple of phone conversations... I am fortunate to have an ability to read someone over the phone..has been a handy, helpful tool. I'd add that my NEW tool, the web cam, has set me free! I'm really 'there' then ... ... Full on gut instinct and psychic ability comes into play then ... Which has so far said 'Shut her down, Kate' ... the few times I've attempted! The veterans are NOT kidding when they say to rely on it HEAVILY!!! I am intuitive and have learned to completely trust my gut...I will still listen to you veterans, especially those who I know love me and are my friends...(like you)
I do care, Lori ...Wanted to retread ... Again ... The Poker Tells loom large ... They cannot suppress themselves long! A web cam very much helps to prevent/ inform of this sooner, IMHO, and many that have advised me as such. The face gives away lies, and much time on a webcam will even possibly reveal unhealthy, even addiction, habits otherwise undetectable. Anthropologists say we invented language to lie, as we couldn't lie w/ facial inflections and body language! I acted on this sage advice and cannot recommend it enough! It will help you avoid headaches and heartaches ... Sounds like a song! |
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Thanx, and I'd only agree on surrounding the ways one has been hurt and violated in the past w/ MUCH processing and self love. NEVER bury it! Umm, perhaps you misunderstand me? Let me clarify ... I actually believe in VERY much staying connected to the past as teacher and for our dearest touchstone friends and family! Why abandon the beauty of one's very foundation!? I am, and would be, ultra~wary of any not mature and aware enough to do so w/ both the good and the bad! That is the essence of a WHOLE person ... AND? I fully believe in embracing past loves as forever friends, the times that the ex has been a true friend. This has been my life pattern and I VERY much seek it in a partner also. Even I have had 2 situations where such was not possible, to the point of being a dangerous undertaking. Self love and protection applies then, not forgetting what is informing! Mammals must constantly review burns info, so as to avoid future burns, etc. My point was more to be disturbed by an internet, or otherwise, connection that had only terrible stories of not JUST the last, but ALL their exes ... and was consistently unaccountable to ANY past relationship demise as a constant through every tale! Venting as a beginning? That is sure to also reveal a lifelong pattern. Why involve one's self w/ someone that is not only obviously on the rebound, but is also just a genuinely nasty soul? Those ranting to their supposed 'new love' conquest about the last or EVERY past relationship that they feign absolute victimhood? GREAT INFO that heeds careful listening skills! ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT looms large here, and will touch EVERY other aspect of their life! ... HUGE red flags! Still, even saying this out loud informs such predators to hide this poker tell! But, the truth will seep out, it is their nature to constantly vent after all! Be aware ... so as to BEWARE!!! Aaahh. I see. Thank you for clarifying.
Now, when you speak of "burns" are you speaking metaphorically? Methinks though doth protesteth too much?! Surely you understand and seem to seek to only mock me? |
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