Generation Me (from Newsweek)A new book says we’re in a narcissism epidemic. Why you’re not so special.

Raina Kelley
NEWSWEEK
From the magazine issue dated Apr 27, 2009

Growing up, my literary heroines were those who, like me, struggled to be good: Jo from “Little Women,” Harriet the spy, Laura Ingalls and Pippi Longstocking. A strong-willed (and loud) child, I craved examples of unruly knuckleheads tethered to a loving family that encouraged us to be our best selves despite our natural inclinations. Precocious but naive, I thought of myself as an ugly duckling—misunderstood in my youth but destined for a beauty and stature completely impossible for my loved ones to comprehend. I shudder to think what a monster I would have become in the modern child-rearing era. Gorged on a diet of grade inflation, constant praise and materialistic entitlement, I probably would have succumbed to a life of heedless self- indulgence.

Perhaps, one day, we will say that the recession saved us from a parenting ethos that churns out ego-addled spoiled brats. And though it is too soon to tell if our economic free fall will cure America of its sense of economic privilege, it has made it much harder to get the money together to give our kids six-figure sweet-16 parties and plastic surgery for graduation presents, all in the name of “self esteem.” And that’s a good thing, because as Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell point out in their excellent book “The Narcissism Epidemic,” released last week, we’ve built up the confidence of our kids, but in that process, we’ve created a generation of hot-house flowers puffed with a disproportionate sense of self-worth (the definition of narcissism) and without the resiliency skills they need when Mommy and Daddy can’t fix something.

Indeed, when Twenge addressed students at Southern Connecticut State University a couple weeks back, their generation’s narcissism was taken as a given by her audience. The fact that nearly 10 percent of 20-somethings have already experienced symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, compared with just over 3 percent of the 65-and-over set? Not surprising. That 30 percent of college students agree with the statement: “If I show up to every class, I deserve at least a B”? Didn’t get much of a rise either. When they’re faced with the straight-out question—do you agree with this research, that you guys are the most narcissistic generation ever—there are uniform head nods and knowing grins to each other. “At the end of the day I love me and I don’t think that’s wrong,” says Sharise Tucker, a 21-year-old senior at Southern Connecticut State, a self-professed narcissist. “I don’t think it’s a problem, having most people love themselves. I love me.”

But as Twenge goes on to illustrate, all that narcissism is a problem that can range from the discourteous—residential advisers at Southern lament students disregarding curfews, playing dance music until 3 a.m., demanding new room assignments at a moment’s notice and failing to understand why professors won’t let them make up an exam they were too hung over to take—to the disastrous—failed marriages, abusive working environments and billion-dollar Ponzi schemes. Seems that the flip side of all that confidence isn’t prodigious success but antisocial behavior.

Armed with a steady influx of trophies just for showing up, “I Am Special” coloring books and princess parties, it is hard for kids to understand why an abundance of ego might be bad for them. Hot off their own rebellions in the late ’60s, my parents struggled to give me the freedom to be me while also teaching me generosity, compassion and humility. I didn’t make it easy on them. I was the kind of kid who threatened to drink Drano if asked to load the dishwasher. “Don’t get cocky, kid,” was the response from my dad when I declared my grades too good for my behavior to be monitored. “Pretty girls are a dime a dozen,” my mother would remind me when I came up with the brilliant idea that school was getting in the way of my social life. My mom would also trot out fables to keep me in check. Ever read the original ending to Cinderella? The evil stepsisters get their eyes plucked out by pigeons and end up beggars. But it worked, mostly, and “Don’t believe your own bulls––t” became my mantra. Of course, I still hate to be told what to do, dislike following rules and will waste hours trying to get out of the simplest household task; but hey, I’m a work in progress.

But no matter how you were raised, the handiest cure for narcissism used to be life. Whether through fate, circumstances or moral imperative, our culture kept hubris in check. Now, we encourage it. Pastors preach of a Jesus that wants us to be rich. The famously egocentric wide receiver Terrell Owens declares at a press conference that being labeled selfish is fine with him. Donald Trump names everything he owns after himself and calls his detractors “losers.” We live in a world where everyone can be a star—if only on YouTube. The general sense among students on that New Haven campus is that with the world being such a competitive, cutthroat place, they have to be narcissists. Well, you may need a supersize ego to win “America’s Next Top Model” or to justify your multimillion dollar bonus. But last I checked, most of our lives don’t require all that attitude. Treating the whole world as if it works for you doesn’t suggest you’re special, it means you’re an ***. As an antidote to a skyrocketing self-worth, Twenge recommends humility, evaluating yourself more accurately, mindfulness and putting others first. Such values may seem quaint, maybe even self-defeating, to those of us who think we’re special, but trust me: it gets easier with practice.

http://droppedin.wordpress.com/2009/04/22/generation-me-from-newsweek/

Thanks for posting this.

I think there is a little flaw to the arguement. There has always been a sense of entitlement and inflated ego in the upper class. The only reason this is coming into the light is because those that once were upper class are no longer such. But if you talk with the working poor and poor overall you will not get that sense. I don't think there is nothing wrong with confidence, however, eventually those that are overconfident will be knocked down my life... and may learn their lesson.

"Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else."

-Tyler Durden


I agree though. Didn't even read the article but this generation is all about me. They don't want to work for anything and expect everyone to take care of them. There's a few political things I want to say about this but I'll just shut up now and keep it on topic.

I know.
It seems this generation thinks they can start at the top. Skipping the bottom rungs of the ladder.

Political?
It's a fact that a well know Phenomenon called Networking is making the skip possible.
In school I noticed the kids would never study for good grades. Passing with a "C" was good enough. When I'd ask them about it, they'd always say they didn't need to worry about grade because their Uncle, Mom, Dad, or some other family member had a job waiting for them. If they could just pass.

I started to write a research paper about how Networking was causing a weakening of our manufacturing sector and our society as a whole.

Resistance to interviews was too high though and available studies were in short supply, so I scraped that idea.

Instead of hiring those who demonstrate their willingness to work hard and actually learn the material. We are hiring those who won't. They won't because they don't have to.

Generation Me is enabled by the parents.

was just talking about this with the son of my friend a couple days ago

he graduated high school last year and is working on a drilling rig

he didn't understand his friends who, he says,

"now that they are on their own they expect to keep living the lifestyle that it took their parents 30 years to build"

he's a pretty sharp kid

Exactly,,I am guilty of this as well with my son. I am trying to do better but I had mixed messages growing up. My parents taught me to treat others no worse than I wanted to be treated and anything worth having is worth working for...but in society I was being told that parents should stand by their kids no matter what and want to give them a better life than what they themselves had. The problem is, I grew up in a time where parents stayed together and worked together to provide for their kids. They could trade off roles of nurturing and disciplining and teaching ethics and installing self esteem. Finding myself a single parent , honestly made it much more difficult to do it all and so I sacrificed some of those things which I think has contributed to some of my sons sense of entitlement. But as someone said, life is the best teacher. He has always done well in school, which should give him a foot up but he is just now learning(through a job) how hard it really is to acquire the things his mom has always worked so hard to just hand to him. He has a good heart too, so that helps. I will disagree with one philosophy though. I wasnt and do not teach my kids to put anyone before themself. It is paramount that we take care of ourselves to be in the position to take care of others and putting others before ourselves sometimes mean we put off taking care of US,, which is not good. I do teach them, as I was taught, that they should consider the needs and wants of others as JUST as important as their own,,,not more, but equally.

Well stated..
Those who would walk by a homeless panhandler and smirk and say "get a job" are now standing in food lines, selling their hummers and finding their degree is worthless.

AMen,, one of the most irritating phrases to me,, right up there with 'Im just saying' is 'just get a job'. People who say this to other adults are usually gainfully employed and blissfully unaware of how many people are competing for any one job at any time and how the process doesnt 'just' happen because one wants or needs a job.

I think it is the other way around. Technology and credit have become so accessible that those things only available to the upper class are now attainable by those in the middle and even lower classes.

I don't know how many guys working construction I'd see with their big lifted F-350 on 37" tires towing a huge fifth wheel or loaded toy hauler. The kids learn by example. It is no longer the days of "we can't afford that," it's the days of just putting it all on credit to keep up with the neighbors and the kids get accustomed to the lifestyle.

Finding out that lifestyle was a lie is a hard truth to comprehend.

A lot of those with the F350 s that you describe are the Me Generation.
Plus having doesn't necessarily mean "can afford."
Credit in the last 20 years was given out like candy to a kid.
It's one of the greatest factors to the problems seen in the economy today.

I had my own sub contracting business for years. Those kids would roll up on the job seeking work in those F350s. Straight from HS wanting to start out making $12-$20 an hour.
LMAO
When they learned they couldn't start out making that they'd usually leave. Some would stay and a year or two later quit, take their truck, and suddenly think they were experienced enough to be Sub-contractors themselves.

Well to address some of what others said.... you can't blame everything on parents. I am not materialistic and I explain to my son that he can't have everything, but he still wants everything. Partial I think it's because of his personality and media/advertising influence. Secondly, yes, credit is an issue.

And those kids that want what took their parents decades, we're probably never taught that material things take work and time to accumlate. But I really attribute most of it to the upper class and upper middle class.

This narcissism epidemic is not limited by class.

The rich kids have always posessed the trait. If it were still contained to the rich it wouldn't be called an epidemic or even mentioned as something new.
Now it is common within all classes.

Well let's just blame it all on a capitalist, consumer-driven society!

You know it sounds a lot like socialism! HHmmmm??? Taking from one and giving it to another? Handing out things for free because we are entitled to it! I don't know maybe entitlement is not entitlement if you add to the equation?

Person earns money, minus government taxes, add lazy azz.

That's it! That's why people see government entitlement different the equation is different too bad the result is the same!

I think it has more to do with the number of single parent-and divorced households today.

Women want to mother the kids constantly. When there is no man at home the doddle the kids in substitution. With no man around to say that's enough there is no check to it.

Men and women are both guilty in a divorced family situation. Both are attempting to win the kids favor over to spite the other. Thinking to themselves that to be the favored parent is better than being a responsible parent.

There was a new "In n Out" burger place opened in my town.. it was starting the pay at 10 bucks an hour. There were 1,300 applicants wanting this job.
All walks of life...not just young kids. It was amazing how many truly "educated" and once comfortable were wanting this 10 dollar an hour fast food job, as most pay much less. Very, very sad indeed.

I have been working of a job for 4 years that doesn't require any other skill or experience, beside having functional hands and arms and very basic understanding of the English language.

Now, I can't even get hired for even that sort of a job. Paid all my college from my own pocket...spent 6 years in the military and my reward is "sorry but you do not have all the necessary experience for this job"- even though i aimed for a job that requires about the IQ of 60 and 10 functional fingers.

Now I will be putting my energy to crash this system, whatever way I can aid those who bring it down..because I can and I will. I'm not gonna just sit by and watch and I will neither go get any unemployment checks.

If I was In-n-Out, I would look to hire an Illegal. They need the jobs worse than Americans.

The older generation never likes the younger generation. Articles like this appear every 10 years or so.