(sighs...) I had to walk away, I cannot control the tears and pain that overcome me to this day. I too, left without a singe item at first... Just as he said, No money, no place to go, nothing but the clothes on my back and the truck. It has been a long haul but one of my biggest fears is that my mind will never be my own again. Need the damn box of kleenex here! ... I just want to say that I often come back to this thread and read and re-read... for strength for answers... I thank you all for your support and for sharing your stories. There is always more, so much more that I'd like to say, to add but I cannot, it's just too personal and painful. I will say that I do appreciate all the advice and reffrences to web sites and litterature about this topic. I sincerely do... Blessings to all of those who have added their input and to all the other who have read but not wanted to tell their story. Sincerely. Hugzzz

Thanks to you too, Jen. You are very thoughtful... Blessings and peace to you too...

Thank you heartsoul....

... Yeah, I read and run and cry and pray and scream as well!

I've not the stamina to muse upon this thread for too long; I take it in spurts ...

... A VERY sad part of our collective history, as children and adults too ...

If it helps to understand the plight, the average adult, woman does not seek help to GET OUT for 9 years ... hard, cold statistics!

It is very complicated, regardless of the type abuse one endures - usually/often the soul altering verbal/psychological that slides right down the slippery slope to body altering, tormenting, painful physical abuse.

There is no judgement here, only love and empathy and support!

Each person is at their stage, and that is all there is to it:

"Things are exactly how they are, and they ain't no different!" ...

... (An Olde Texan Proverb)

Kate runs back to the shelter of the Music Thread ...

Thanks Kate, have fun... I'll see you toorrow in the Forums. I'm just going to go to bed and pray for peace, acceptance and strength. Good night all...

As it might feel we wonder, never knowing how to feel or why.
WE are being held by ALL that which guides us on, to our light.

And Friends allows us to FEEL...

Anytime che

That's what friends are for

Speak that truth

Such truth my friend

Give your heart a voice, it knows what to do. Please remember that you did NOT cause any of this, your abuser did! You did NOTHING wrong and have NOTHING to feel ashamed of. If you were walking down the street and someone mugged you, would you feel ashamed about that? I certainly hope not. This is no different. This happened TO you. You did not cause this. You have it within you to take back your power.

It will take you a long time to stop thinking those negative thoughts that you've 'trained' yourself to think. You should probably get some positivity into your life and give your heart a voice (as opposed to the negative thinking mindset). If you have a library near try reading "Change your thoughts-- change your life" by Wayne W. Dyer, "You can heal your life-- the movie" by Louise Hay (this is a DVD movie), "Making your thoughts work for you" by Wayne W. Dyer and Byron Katie. All of these books are also available on CD form (which is what I recommend because it is more efficient). If your library doesn't have these then let me know and I will get you a copy. Remember, right now your abuser might not be standing in front of you, but they still have their hooks in you because they have trained you to think the negative way they want you to. You need to get out of that habit and start thinking positively for your real change and recovery to happen. You are strong Che_ and you can do this, but you need to start. You will amaze yourself just how much better life can be once you take control of your life again. If you can't find a therapist then just let me know and I will find one in your area for you. Also, exercising 10 minutes several times a week can also have great benefits. It releases chemicals in your brain that support your happiness. I know that everything seems like a big mountain to climb now, but take it step by step, day by day, and you will get to that mountain top sooner than you think

iam4u, you have been consistent in you support and kindness and I hope you know how much this is appreciated



heartsoul... your ID about says it all for me. I know you have started this thread as a labor of love and it amazes me just how many times this thread has ben viewed as opposed to posts... I really am happy for you, that you have found that place where you are strong and confident, that you have reached the goal of "survivor." Thank you for having .... a heart.

dancere, such wisdom, heart and compassion...

jlove43, I am so glad that you found your way to Mingle2... there a numerous people here that are sincere, friendly, outgoing and so many times I am thankful for this as I continually find myself here just to see the familiar names, their pleasant and accepting nature which I have never found anywhere else. I too, am so sorry for your experiences yet... you are smart. You are strong, and you have done the right things, right from the start. Cheers to you for doing the right things for you and your children!





AngerArs... Let me first say, WELCOME to Mingle2 I am so glad you found your way here. Once you get to meet some of the regulars here, I sincerely hope that you benefit from their good natured and welcoming ways. I know I have You are the perfect addition to this group... I think for someone who obviously deals with "abuse" as a professional on a day to day basis, I find it heartwarming to see that you are willing to donate your expert advice as well as your sincerety to others on your time off as well. As I said, I have struggled for far too long now with these feelings and issues because I have been out of the loop for 19 months now although I do go once a month or every two months if I cannot afford to every month, to visit my children, so perhaps the ongoing knowledge of having to deal with "him" on a semi regular basis may have something to do with my slow recovery although he actually does not even attempt to control me anymore (at least not so obviously). I don't know... maybe I am just one of those that are so dang emotional, that I cannot grasp the concept of forgiving myself. I DO know that guilt has a major role in my daily life. Anyway, I do have a library right down the street, and have used it on many occasion for their computers and books have always been my friends... I had intended to go this mornng to locate the other books you had mentioned in a previous post and so will simply add the one by Wayne W. Dyer. Honestly, I can't thank you enough for taking the time to comment on my individual situation although I'm certain many will benefit from your advice. I know I intend to follow it.

It's also kind of funny that you mentoned excersize, because last Thursday, I dropped of an application to the YMCA (also right down the street basically), because I thought it might offer me a way to perhaps meet some local people as well as develope some routine of using their equiptment and the pool, to make myself feel better and add some structure to my day. Although I have lived here for 19 months now, the ONLY person I know in this area, an elderly friend who offered me a place to stay for three weeks while I found the means to find help me find a way to suppost myself for the first time in my life, just passed away Christmas Eve. This left me felling so lost... because I took care of her basically, I did all her chores and such, everyday. There is now this huge gap in my life, again. So I think going to the YMCA may be a good thing to do and am pleased that you too suggested it. For those that may in the future read this post, the YMCA offers a scholorship (reduced or free rate), to those with a low or fixed income upon reciept of the application if funds are still available.

I was awake all night, thinking about all this and so the first thing I did, was to sit and read your post, and reply. I am so thankful for your input AnglArs, for your willingness to share your knowledge to those of us that haven't the means or strength to go seek professional help on our own. Blessings to you and yours sir, I honestly do appreciate everyones help and support as I'm sure many do. Thank you again (Christine)

I was driving through a small Texas town last year, at every street corner there were people collecting for child abuse. I rolled down my window and asked " Are you collecting for or against child abuse?", the reply was "against", attach to a very peculiar facial expression. I of course donated ( never would donate for child abuse I will have you know), and I drove off. My G/F at the time thought it callous to joke about child abuse, so I let her know that as a child I was abused, to the point that I may never have kids of my own. I am still scared sh*tless that I may turn out the same. I have never been abusive but for some reason I always end up in abusive relationships (me being the abused). I fear that the only way to break the cycle is to stop spreading the genes. *Sigh* at least I have a sense of humor to mask the scars -

That amazes me also. But I look at it this way, when I sense someone needs to read it, I'll find is and bump it for that person to find.

I believe if it is in your power to help someone, then you should help them.

One day at a time is all any of us can do. You can do this, and don't let anyone tell you different.

You have ALREADY became a survivor

Stay strong and confident my friend

I'm so sorry that you were abused. I have learned that what we send out in the universe is what we get back. I had to let go of the pain and anger and come to the realization that I don't have to live my life in turmoil and abuse. I deserve joy and peace in my life, and so do you.

I can also understand you not wanting to bring children into the vicious cycle of violence. Have you tried counseling? Having someone to talk to about the abuse you endured may give you some insight on why you attract abusive women. It's just a thought.

Yes, it is a slow process, but each day you are getting stronger and over time everything will work out for you.



There is nothing for you to forgive yourself of. You did NOTHING wrong! You need to realize this or your recovery will never happen. Realize what a wonderful person you are. Realize that you have a good heart. Realize that you deserve to be truly loved. These are the things that you need to focus on.



What am I missing here? You were abused and guilt is not what you should be feeling. Look deeper, it's probably not guilt but another emotion instead, especially if this all happened to you fairly recently (within the past 4 years).




This is great news Christine. It will really help you, and each day you will grow stronger. Take it slow and realize that each time that you have good feelings that you DESERVE to feel them, and soon they will be a way of life

Let the positive thoughts flow!
Thanks Angel

No thank YOU. I did nothing. Keep all those positive thoughts flowing

Dude,,WE shared the same,,and I didn't view your age here, but
I also swore I didn't want kids and the fear of THEM growing in THIS world was NOT GOING TO HAPPEN BY ME...
Then 20 years old, I met a lady who already had a son about one year old.
Their living was NOT a good way of life, sharing a home with a couple that partied and were swingers,,,wink,lol
So because of this little guys NEEDS he had no father on paper,
No dad to look up to.
ALL my inner fears left me as for the GOOD I felt I could be in his life.
SO THEN,,through that I wanted to be the BEST DAD for him.
NOT LIKE MY ABUSIVE ONE I HAD.
WE had another child and LIFE was FULL and so FEELING AND FULFILLING
for me to BE,,THAT man I didn't even know I could BE.
They are all grown now, but they also have NO ONGOING THOUGHTS of their dad ever hurting them.
I RAISED them, to NEVER HURT,,,and now in their house-holds,,with their kids,,,they live even MORE kinder and compassionate than I was,lol
WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO THIS PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LIVED IT, I LEFT IT, I AM PROUD OF ME,,I'm a realist,,and THIS
was just MY OWN little small role as to how others view their pasts and their futures,,WE CAN CAUSE CHANGE in everyone to FEEL, if we LIVE THAT DREAM OF STOPPING ABUSE...
I also LIVED to LAUGH off anything that came close to my heart FEELING IT, and THAT was my excape....
I HOPE and PRAY, YOU find YOUR PEACE, and learn to break-down your walls to let LOVE IN...

jlove43, I am so glad that you found your way to Mingle2... there a numerous people here that are sincere, friendly, outgoing and so many times I am thankful for this as I continually find myself here just to see the familiar names, their pleasant and accepting nature which I have never found anywhere else. I too, am so sorry for your experiences yet... you are smart. You are strong, and you have done the right things, right from the start. Cheers to you for doing the right things for you and your children!

Che-thank you again for your kind words. I am sincere and caring and although I may not know you all personally, I do care and will always be here to listen. You have helped me more than you know already. I want you to know that I did NOT do things right from the start. Sadly, I stuck with him way too long. He had a good hold on me for a long time-almost 7 years!! His verbal abuse controlled me and made me think I was worth nothing. I still struggle daily-actually had a VERY depressing week but Mingle2 turned it around for me. For that I am grateful.

You are an incredible woman with a heart of gold. Thank you for being open and sharing. I no longer feel alone in my battle.

Jen

This is VERY common, so please don't beat yourself up over it. Every abused person you talk to will tell you that they stuck in it way too long. You did the best you could do at the time. Celebrate your freedom and your strength, knowing that tomorrow will be an even better day

iam4u, you have been consistent in you support and kindness and I hope you know how much this is appreciated

Che,, Everytime I know your on here, I feel GOOD as to know YOUR LIVING
inside as well as outside your thoughts and making new SMILES!!!

And give ME one SMILE, over a thousand thank-you's,,,,wink..
REAL PEOPLE ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YOU ROCK!!!

WE ALL NEED A GROUP HUG!!!!!!!