Some of my friends here know and some others don't i was a 10 year relationship engaged whole 9 yards i broke it off ...

i dream about her all the time... every couple nights .... 3 years after the fact of the matter she got a new man and all .. haven't spoke to her since

i just kinda wanna make some closure maybe it would make it all stop.

what do you'll think i could do to make it better i don't want her back but damn she was my friend in the world for 10 years when we left it was mutual so not like it was bad terms.....

i know some people might say go on other dates you'll forget i've done that to many way to many .....and it still is always in the back of my mind that there was never really any closure ...

help me plz ...

Would seeing her again help? Sometimes all it takes is to see that person again for your emotions to catch up with your brain. You see them and realize, wow, it really is over and I'm really ok with it.

go back and think just what it was that caused the split...there had to be a reason...since it was mutual you had to agree the reason was a good one...don't second guess the past look forward to what might be in the future..the past is behind you for a reason...

i think i do need to see her ...i think that might be my only chance of the dreams stopping..

i dunno if i knew i wouldn't be in this situation ..

..no matter all the advice can't keep comfort when youre alone with your thoughts..time is all there is..and time is what it takes ...

the reason we split was because people change

your right i totally agree the past is the past ...

why im askin ya'll for advice

Do you truly miss HER or are you just missing a relationship?

I don't know either, just something I happened to think of, it seemed to fit here. At the most, it can't hurt and it might very well help.

i don't think i really miss her.. i mean to an extent ya i do i mean that was my best friend forever 10 years im only 27

the relationship aspect no cause i could be in several realtionships

Hey I understand where you are at. I dated my ex for 10 1/2 years (part of that living together), was married for 9 yrs and stayed his friend for 2 yrs after the divorce. He remarried and I thought I was going to die. The divorce was mutual but he was my best friend for 20 + years. I couldn't stop thinking about him until last year - Dec 08 was 7 yrs since divorce. Suddenly this year I decided to start dating and now I hardly ever think about him. Last contact with him was Oct 08. You'll move on in your own time. I didn't date anyone else for 8 years and while it wasn't fun I need to find me and what I wanted before I could be with someone else. I don't reget that time alone thinking about him, it made me a stronger person. Good luck - I don't think you should see them, it won't help. I can't pinpoint when i had closure but just know I have it now.

and another reason im bringing this up now she is that is moving to florida in 3 weeks...and if i don't make my peace now ..i'll probbally never have the chance ever again...

imho:... sounds like you want to reach out to her...

go ahead... if she responds, be honest and make your peace... if she does not, well... that's some closure as well.

just remember, you are doing this for you -- and you are likely not to "get what you want" out of the conversation...

best advice... ?? I dunno if there is best advice in this situation -- you know youself, you know your motivations... and you know her. Do what you have too, but ultimately you provide your own closure -- noone can do it for you...

best of luck man...

Dubby, you will have closure when YOU decide it's over. You don't need to see her or talk to her to do it. You know you really don't want to see her either. Not a good idea.

Try writing her a goodbye letter, and burn it afterwards. Closure is something you create and define.

It's also helpful if you forgive yourself for whatever your part was in the relationship and figure out what you learned. Then you can move on.

your right my friend...only i can decide my fate and the fact she is leaving 2 weeks i might never see her again.. and i just wanna make my peace ..thank you for the awesome info guy.. words of wisdom right there ..

thank you again my friend

i do totally agree i don't wanna see her ..but im hopin that if i do...it will all stop...

cause i know it will be emotional ... i just feel like i need to get it off my chest like im all bottled up.and i need to let it go..

My last boyfriend really hurt me bad and I needed that closure as well. I sent him a long email, blurted out alot of things that I was too chicken to say or maybe things I could say better in an email than I could face to face. It did help me because I was able to finally express myself and my feelings. Part of me was glad he never replied because I know he would have been snotty about it. I just needed to know that I made peace with the break up. It killed me cause he sure felt like my soulmate.

Good luck.

excellent idea, and the affirmation letter, burning without sending it, does really work to get that energy out and diffused.

Been there myself, i was engaged to a woman i had known for 7 yrs has been 10 yrs since i have seen her, but i still think about her, we split up for the same reason, we had just grown apart, one thing that helped in our situation, we had remained friends for several yrs. after the split, i guess like they say only time can heal us, i will never forget her, but i have learned to live without her, i guess dating other woman has helped me to heal and i also have two wonderful woman in my life that are good friends, i have come to realize at least in my own situation that we really were not meant to be together.

That's a long time to have been with someone so important in your life.
Dreaming about her, that she is still involved in your life, probably means more that you have unsettled feelings and emotions for her which likely need to be expressed in order to move on. If you know you can have a civil meeting, it may be worth meeting. Getting out your feelings of loss TO HER may help remedy the situation. Seeing her TODAY as opposed to "in your dreams" may snap you out of your dreams. It's likely you just want those wonderful old feelings with someone, but you know it can't be with her. Something in you has not been able to move on. It's almost like your dreams may be telling you to finish up old business so you can move on. A smack of reality and an opportunity to get it out of your system by phone or by meeting may be just what the doctor ordered, as long as she can accept it in a caring and considerate manner. But in person would likely be best since she'd be total reality front of you, a true reality check.
Just my opinion.