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| Topic: I need some real advice please help. | |
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Hey I understand where you are at. I dated my ex for 10 1/2 years (part of that living together), was married for 9 yrs and stayed his friend for 2 yrs after the divorce. He remarried and I thought I was going to die. The divorce was mutual but he was my best friend for 20 + years. I couldn't stop thinking about him until last year - Dec 08 was 7 yrs since divorce. Suddenly this year I decided to start dating and now I hardly ever think about him. Last contact with him was Oct 08. You'll move on in your own time. I didn't date anyone else for 8 years and while it wasn't fun I need to find me and what I wanted before I could be with someone else. I don't reget that time alone thinking about him, it made me a stronger person. Good luck - I don't think you should see them, it won't help. I can't pinpoint when i had closure but just know I have it now. Oh! my.I certainly understand & can relate to what your saying.If I had the answer to this mental dilemna then I would offer him some sound advice but sadly I can not for I am haunted by so many crippling memories rather than dreams.The irony is that I counsel troubled youths however I can't seem to solve this deeply painful past of mine either.But of course this is an entirely diff.field anyhow.I was in a 25 yr.monogamous & faithful marriage w/ 3 beautiful daughters resulting.I awoke 1 morn. to hear the words"I'm not in love w/ U anymore";( It nearly sheared my heart in 2.I thank God for my daughters for they provide me strength & hope to move on productively in life & shed this ill-lined past.Here I am nearly 3 yrs divorced & I am still plagued by these haunting memories.Only those who have experienced such pain & sorrow can truly relate to it's debilitating effects that it has upon your life & mental well being.It is my hope & prayer then that time will be our Saviour & Healer for myself & Riding-Dubz.p.s.Thx! for sharing & I'm glad your healed & have moved on.Godspeed!Cy  
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Been there myself, i was engaged to a woman i had known for 7 yrs has been 10 yrs since i have seen her, but i still think about her, we split up for the same reason, we had just grown apart, one thing that helped in our situation, we had remained friends for several yrs. after the split, i guess like they say only time can heal us, i will never forget her, but i have learned to live without her, i guess dating other woman has helped me to heal and i also have two wonderful woman in my life that are good friends, i have come to realize at least in my own situation that we really were not meant to be together. i think it would be different if we where friends after words but we weren't 
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Edited by
Quietman_2009
on
Tue 09/22/09 10:00 AM
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there is a guy thing. only guys can do it
you can compartmentalize it. wrap it up in scar tissue and put it in the back of your mind. every time you think of it reject the thought and think of something else. eventually doing that will cause it to fade or you can hang on to the memory and feeling as something to remember and savor. By the time we get old we all have good, bad, and bittersweet memories that we can pull out and reflect on at 3:00AM after ten or twelve drinks its the stuff like that which makes us who we are. and if we didnt experience that kind of stuff we would be somebody different |
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That's a long time to have been with someone so important in your life. Dreaming about her, that she is still involved in your life, probably means more that you have unsettled feelings and emotions for her which likely need to be expressed in order to move on. If you know you can have a civil meeting, it may be worth meeting. Getting out your feelings of loss TO HER may help remedy the situation. Seeing her TODAY as opposed to "in your dreams" may snap you out of your dreams. It's likely you just want those wonderful old feelings with someone, but you know it can't be with her. Something in you has not been able to move on. It's almost like your dreams may be telling you to finish up old business so you can move on. A smack of reality and an opportunity to get it out of your system by phone or by meeting may be just what the doctor ordered, as long as she can accept it in a caring and considerate manner. But in person would likely be best since she'd be total reality front of you, a true reality check. Just my opinion. thank you for sharing i am gonna attempt to make contact mind you it's been 3 years....i guess will see how it goes.. |
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when you get it figured out email me and let me know..Im going thru the same thing...
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I have no advice for ya bro, but i do wish you the best of luck with it & hope it gets better for you soon.
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Well, my friend, I went through a variation on a theme of what you're dealing with now...and as you know, it's not easy. I did go back, and that didn't work...but it did help me loosen the grip on her or her on me! I finally admitted that we both left each other better than we found each other. There were some great times, and not so great times, but on the whole...we each learned something about the other, about life and about ourselves. It wasn't always pretty. But today I have finally put her behind me, and she, I think, behind her. We'll remember those good times...and if I ever see her again...I'd like to think we'd hug each other, smile and say kind things. I really do. Meanwhile, I can smile and laugh, and not dream of just her. There are others than I'm meeting...life does go on. Remember, life is like a blackboard, and we can't go back a selectively erase the things that didn't turn out perfectly. You just learn to rationalize, take the good with the bad and move on. It's coping...and I'm here to tell you. it does get better. I wish you better times, my friend...they will come.
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Had a similar circumstance, only it took me 20 years to really find the closure. I used to have a dream about her every 6 months or so. We reconnected recently and I realized that I had been holding on to how she made me feel 20 years ago. Now we are great friends.
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Had a similar circumstance, only it took me 20 years to really find the closure. I used to have a dream about her every 6 months or so. We reconnected recently and I realized that I had been holding on to how she made me feel 20 years ago. Now we are great friends. Tngxl, (that's a real tongue-breaker), what are you talking about? You had an arranged marriage at five years of age? You don't look a day over 25. Mazeltov, bro. |
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Edited by
FearandLoathing
on
Tue 09/22/09 04:16 PM
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Some of my friends here know and some others don't i was a 10 year relationship engaged whole 9 yards i broke it off ... i dream about her all the time... every couple nights .... 3 years after the fact of the matter she got a new man and all .. haven't spoke to her since i just kinda wanna make some closure maybe it would make it all stop. what do you'll think i could do to make it better i don't want her back but damn she was my friend in the world for 10 years when we left it was mutual so not like it was bad terms..... i know some people might say go on other dates you'll forget i've done that to many way to many .....and it still is always in the back of my mind that there was never really any closure ... help me plz ... Might could talk to her, I'm in somewhat the same situation only the timeframe is different (2 not 10 years). I've found writing to be a great tool as well, poetry, lyrics, or raps...whatever you prefer. |
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Some of my friends here know and some others don't i was a 10 year relationship engaged whole 9 yards i broke it off ... i dream about her all the time... every couple nights .... 3 years after the fact of the matter she got a new man and all .. haven't spoke to her since i just kinda wanna make some closure maybe it would make it all stop. what do you'll think i could do to make it better i don't want her back but damn she was my friend in the world for 10 years when we left it was mutual so not like it was bad terms..... i know some people might say go on other dates you'll forget i've done that to many way to many .....and it still is always in the back of my mind that there was never really any closure ... help me plz ... It sounds like you never really got over her, though you say that you have. If you have not gotten over her, meeting with her would be the worst thing you can do. Only you know whether or not you have any serious feelings for her (if you are dreaming of her, something is still there). You can not really be friends if you still have lingering or even slight "love" feelings for her. I went thru the same thing many years ago. It worked out for me to remain friends, but only because I did not have those serious feelings about her anymore. I am just trying to be up front with you here. Good Luck and I hope everything works out for you. |
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i think you should email her if you know her email that way you can say what you need to say to have closure and all and she can decide if she wants to see you or not
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Dubby, you will have closure when YOU decide it's over. You don't need to see her or talk to her to do it. You know you really don't want to see her either. Not a good idea. Try writing her a goodbye letter, and burn it afterwards. Closure is something you create and define. It's also helpful if you forgive yourself for whatever your part was in the relationship and figure out what you learned. Then you can move on. Quoted for reasonableness
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Had a similar circumstance, only it took me 20 years to really find the closure. I used to have a dream about her every 6 months or so. We reconnected recently and I realized that I had been holding on to how she made me feel 20 years ago. Now we are great friends. Tngxl, (that's a real tongue-breaker), what are you talking about? You had an arranged marriage at five years of age? You don't look a day over 25. Mazeltov, bro. That is very kind of you. The check is in the mail! |
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