GOOD LUCK AND GODSPEED

I apologize. I didn't know we were supposed to only write things you wanted to hear. Okay, the boyfriend should be catered to, your mother is probably old and not enough to do so she's being unreasonable and your daughter...oh, she'll get over all of this.

My mother would never try and take my daughter from me. She raised me. She tells me and everyone else how great of a mother i am and how great of a daughter I am raising. My mother is on my side no matter what. I was just looking for advice on how to not hurt my mother's feelings. My mother and my daughter are the two people I love most in this world. But as a mother and an adult. I have to think of what's best for my daughter and that is to be with me and her father together here in Tn until we are all ready to make the move. Even my mother would tell you that your out of place on this one.

My daughter is 3 years old and knows that everyone around her loves her. She is enjoying relatives, the beach and her grandmother she is not in the middle of this at all. My mother is very wise and I always take her advice to heart knowing as a mom myself that i would never lead my daughter to stray. I know the same is true with my mother and me. But I also take into consideration that my mom is selfish and would love to have me and my daughter to herself. She is also somewhat of a man hater and does not like the idea of me being with any man especially the one I love the most. You know that old saying about missery loving company yeah well my mom is not the happiest. And even though I love her with all my heart I do know that she will never approve of any man I am with.

The song or my advice?

You're very welcome. I have been on both sides of this proverbial coin. I hurt my parents with bad decisions..and I get hurt by decisions my children make. That's life. But I also do what I think is right. I quit my very good paying, stable job a couple of years ago to go back to college. Mom was NOT happy!! She is now because it was the right decision for me. All she ever really wants is for you to be happy. Trust me on this.

As for Dad...if you love him and he loves you, you should get married. It's not about having the perfect wedding...it's about providing a stable committed relationship to raise your child in. If you two love each other, having roses in the aisles, salmon at the reception or a honeymoon in Hawaii isn't important. Saying I do is. What I'm saying is, if it's important to you both (which in my humble opinion it should be) than money shouldn't be an excuse. You're still just as committed and married if a justice of the peace performs the ceremony. Maybe it's not the fairy tale wedding you hoped for as a little girl, but you're not a little girl anymore, evidenced by your desire to live your own life now. So get to it girl!!

And the song really is perfect for this situation.

This particular situation tends to point up the problem that living together and having a kid will present for single parents. The people in power will tend to favor the more traditional parent and or Grandparent.

The biggest looser in the situation is still usually the grandchild because they loose their Mother or their Grandparent in custody fights.

So weather Mom went along with the kindness of Grandma helping with the idea of the move, which doesn't necessarily make her the bad person either, by taking physical custody she is now at a decided disadvantage if Grandma decides to not go along with the current plan.

I hope this mother takes her gut instinct that her Mother is going to be upset and thinks through her future decisions and ALL the possible consequences.

MLE, I think you just need to suck it up and level with your old lady. It's not going to be pleasant, and may have long-term effects. But you 1. Cannot string her along and 2. She's going to give you a piece when she hears you.

Instead of trying to think up stories, if I were you I'd just try to prepare myself mentally to stand up Mother and tell her straight up.

It is a very good song...thankyou for the advice. I think we will get married soon.

My mother always taught me to be one step ahead. As I'm sure that she is but I have no fear in my heart whatsoever that my mother would try to keep my daughter.

One last thing and then I'm done but it's amazing to me that people without kids can actually think they know what's best for people with kids. Still trying to figure that one out.

Well for your sake and your daughters and even your Mother's I truely hope you are right. What you say sure does not convince me that a Mother who does NOT like a Baby's Daddy, or men in general, goes through the stress of a major interstate move to here she is now going to be seperated from a beloved Grandchild is a lot of heartache to swallow without looseing her temper and doing something she might want to believe is in the baby's best interest, maybe even yours, while she is upset.

Too many times I have heard people say "I didn't think, I can't believe my family did this to me". But then it is too late.

Yea you might have financial problems that make it hard to afford the move but it will be a lot harder to pay for a lawyer and a custody fight if this thing blows up. Don't kid yourself people make stupid mistakes when they are tired and stressed.

What you may not have thought of is what are you going to do if Grandma is so mad she keeps your child, refuses to keep you in Florida or even gets a court injunction that from taking her out of the state until the matter is resolved. You won't be a resident there and unmarried your boyfriend could actually end up with custody if he says he didn't go along with the two of you cooking it up for her to go with Grandma. I know it sounds far fetched but 30 years of experience tells me you have a lot to loose if you read this situation wrong.

Ok.....so you go collect your girl, hand your mum back the money she lent you for the move that isn't happening...tell her you love her... tell her you are going against good sense and reason....

and staying in Tn.


Or.....moving....and asking your daughter's dad to come too.

If he loves you all that much, he would do that.

Ok so one of my friends give my some advice, "If your best friend had the same situation and asked you about it, what would you say to him or her?"

And, not to be mean or rude, but if it didn't work the first time, why would you think it will work again?


Best wishes to you.

Yeah, I wondered about that too. Ex's are usually ex's for a reason.

One thing to consider...With a Mom like that who is sincerely supporting you when times are tough and a guy who really appears to want to be a part of a family with you and your child together then you do have the basic building blocks in place for success here.

Unfortunately with your Mom in Fl and the rest of you in Tn it will not be so easy for her to help you if you need babysitting and it will also be much harder for her to remain a big part of her grand-daughter's life. You might want to consider getting married and moving to be closer to your Mom. You can get jobs anywhere but you can't get family anywhere.

Your Mom will understand better than you can imagine. She will likely want to support you and be concerned about your future with your bf and your daughter. So, you are going to have to have a plan. Make it a good plan for how it might all work out nicely. You might consider saving some money then moving to Fl when the time is right together. Or, it might be possible for Grandma to come back to Tn occasionally to see her grandchild and visit. Or, you might just move to Fl and both get temporary jobs until better opportunities come along. Any of these options could involve marriage at any time.

I certainly wish you all the best as you work towards a better life with all your family!!

First of all we don't know why you two broke up in the first place so hard to tell someone they are doing the right thing by going back with someone that we have no clue why ya'll broke up......

Second of all why did it take him for you to be moving to want you back? Could it be due to his does not want his kid to leave the state and he has decided that if ya'll get back together this is the way to keep you from moving out of state with his daughter?

I'm not one that thinks one should move out of state so the other parent can not see the child that is wrong in my eyes as well as the laws.....

I really don't think this move was thought out very well. And it makes me wonder why your mother does not like this guy since he has been around for 9 years there has to be more to the story then is being told in my eyes and this is coming from a mothers stand point....

I have a son that his ex before they were married wanted to move from Texas to NC with the baby which she did. And which my son told her either she moves back or he was getting a lawyer to try and take custody. She checked into it and found out he had every legal right to and did move back. That was before they were married which they did but divorced anyway.

By law you can not just up and move with a small child in the states and take them away from the other parent on a whim and take that child out of their lives. If one does the other parent can actually take action for custody of the child they will give you a choice to either move back or possible loose custody to the other parent.

But I assure you that no matter what you tell your mother it is not going to go over very well at all. I would suggest you tell her face to face. And yes if you do it over the phone she could very well file for custody for abandonment sad but true have seen it happen and they did gain custody as well. Hopefully it will not come to that. But this is once if you don't step up to the plate and confront your mother in person you will regret it. She has a stake in this as well since she has been dragged into the situation.

All I can say is make sure of what your actions really are and good luck....

Hmmm. Kids or no kids, you are only 23 and might benefit from advice from some with more "man" experience. With regard to your daughter, you have to do what is best FOR HER. Anyone knows that. Note though, these on again off again things rarely work out.

No 'do-overs' if you haven't been able to put this thing together after having a child for 3 yrs, and knowing him for 9 yrs, I'd say move to FLA. An start a new life.

listen ur entitle 2 make mistakes in life! am a mother an i understand, i know ur not trying 2 abandon ur child! its ur life sit ur mom down an tell her if she loves u she will let u atleast try an work it out with ur childr father.

listen ur entitle 2 make mistakes in life! am a mother an i understand, i know ur not trying 2 abandon ur child! its ur life sit ur mom down an tell her if she loves u she will let u atleast try an work it out with ur childr father.