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| Topic: I need some serious advice. | |
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"as i say to many your thinking with the wrong brain if you have to ask its worng. think of your child."
still beating that dead horse , she already said she is thinking of her child , she did not abandon her child , and she still has legal custody of her child ---- GET OVER IT!!! |
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It sounds like your Mother is giving as much respect for your relationship with your daughter's father as the two of you are giving it, which is next to nil. You've been with him for 9 years and no talk of marriage? I don't get it. If the two of you were married I would say you would tell your Mother that your place is with your husband but I don't know what you are doing and I don't think your Mother knows either what you are up to.
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Did the make up with baby daddy happen when baby was in FL? Is the daddy really wanting to be a daddy, or did things become good again when your daughter was out of the picture? If things didn't get better until the daughter went to FL, then you need to continue to move on. And being a mother of a 19y/o and if I had my daughters child with me, I would already be trying to get custody if the dad was a piece of crap and my daughter couldn't get her head out of her *** and put her child first!!
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I'm sure I could have gone into a lot more detail. Just not trying to waste alot of time. Just need to know from a mother's point of veiw how I can explain this to her without hurting her. As both a mother and a daughter, you can't. She is going to be hurt. She will also still love you no matter what so you have to do what you have to do. You're obviously old enough to be a mommy and make your own decisions that are best for you and your daughter. All you can really do is tell her it's your life, they are your mistakes to make (if staying is one), and hope she supports you in your decision. If she doesn't, so be it. Live your life. While the desire to please our parents seems to linger well into adulthood, growing up means making decisions not based on what your parents want, but on what you think is best for you (and your child!!) Listen to the song Second Chances. 
Good luck. 
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why did you two break up in the first place?
and i think there are some (one!) who doesn't seem to get that you didn't abandon your kid. you're doing a huge move and your kid went with your mom first. would you have gotten back with your ex if your kid had stayed? |
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im neither a mother or a father but i know one thing you need to do what u think is right , 1st nothing you can tell your mom about this situation is going to make her not upset at you inless its im still moving. second if you have known him for 9 years and go out for 4 and have a child and you recently split for what ever reason you have to look at the obvious facts if it was worse enough to hence move to FL then its probly not a good idea to get back with that person just my opinion GIVE this GUY a Gold Star Very ON TARGET ADVICE. From a mothers point of view, suck it up, and explain yourself, your a big girl, handle your business. |
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im neither a mother or a father but i know one thing you need to do what u think is right , 1st nothing you can tell your mom about this situation is going to make her not upset at you inless its im still moving. second if you have known him for 9 years and go out for 4 and have a child and you recently split for what ever reason you have to look at the obvious facts if it was worse enough to hence move to FL then its probly not a good idea to get back with that person just my opinion GIVE this GUY a Gold Star Very ON TARGET ADVICE. yeppers he is focused.............. thanks.......... |
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We broke up b/c we both had alot of resentment that we could not get past. The break did us alot of good. He just recently decided to stay in Tn. but the idea about us getting back together was always a topic of discussion even before my daughter went to visit her nana. And we have always talked about getting married just never had the funds to do how we wanted to. In the mean time though we have both let the resentment go. And I don't think it was b/c my daughter is in Fl. I think it just kinda made us both sit up and realize that we needed to get off the fence and either be together or not be together. We both want our family. Thanks to everyone for the advice I will call my mom tomorrow and let her know what is up and pray for the best.
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"as i say to many your thinking with the wrong brain if you have to ask its worng. think of your child." still beating that dead horse , she already said she is thinking of her child , she did not abandon her child , and she still has legal custody of her child ---- GET OVER IT!!! read thew whole post. she sent the kid ahead for a plan to move there at the expense of granny........... she dotn care about the kid she cares about what is in TN. |
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im neither a mother or a father but i know one thing you need to do what u think is right , 1st nothing you can tell your mom about this situation is going to make her not upset at you inless its im still moving. second if you have known him for 9 years and go out for 4 and have a child and you recently split for what ever reason you have to look at the obvious facts if it was worse enough to hence move to FL then its probly not a good idea to get back with that person just my opinion Well the original split was a mutual one. We were both actually planning to move to Florida at the same time. Not to be together but so he could still be close to his daughter. We have always gotten along great whether we were together or not. But he changed his mind about moving b/c of a job offer. I really don't want to be in Florida without him. And I really don't want my daughter to be without him. I just don't want my mom to think less of me for not sticking to my original plan to move down there. Sounds like the boyfriend has everybody jumping. He should be near his daughter and should WANT to be near her no matter what. But, a job offer comes along and poof! There goes the daughter and this little girl's mother is back peddling on all the plans for the boyfriend! I am so grateful for the traditional, normal and serene upbringing I had! Good luck. |
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I'm sure I could have gone into a lot more detail. Just not trying to waste alot of time. Just need to know from a mother's point of veiw how I can explain this to her without hurting her. As both a mother and a daughter, you can't. She is going to be hurt. She will also still love you no matter what so you have to do what you have to do. You're obviously old enough to be a mommy and make your own decisions that are best for you and your daughter. All you can really do is tell her it's your life, they are your mistakes to make (if staying is one), and hope she supports you in your decision. If she doesn't, so be it. Live your life. While the desire to please our parents seems to linger well into adulthood, growing up means making decisions not based on what your parents want, but on what you think is best for you (and your child!!) Listen to the song Second Chances.
Thanks think that's exactly what I needed to hear. Good luck.
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You Ex has a right to want to stay where he has work and does not have to endure the constant dislike of a Grandmother and Mother in law but if your Mom is the good mother you say then I don't understand why he can't find and equally good job in Florida and stick with the plan you committed to. YOu have to decide if you were manipulated into letting Grandma spoil your daughter but that sounds like a poor routine to get into. If she is going to dominate your relationships that may be a real good reason not to set off conflict when you are not there to defend your parental custody. Get to Florida and act like a responsible parent and adult daughter by talking face to face.
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"as i say to many your thinking with the wrong brain if you have to ask its worng. think of your child." still beating that dead horse , she already said she is thinking of her child , she did not abandon her child , and she still has legal custody of her child ---- GET OVER IT!!! read thew whole post. she sent the kid ahead for a plan to move there at the expense of granny........... she dotn care about the kid she cares about what is in TN. My daughter is my heart. I sent her with my mother so she would not be in the middle of the chaos going on. |
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I never do get the chasing men crap.
If he wants ya, hell do whatever it takes to be with ya. If a child is not motivation enough.. you should KNOW hes your worst enemy. |
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We broke up b/c we both had alot of resentment that we could not get past. The break did us alot of good. He just recently decided to stay in Tn. but the idea about us getting back together was always a topic of discussion even before my daughter went to visit her nana. And we have always talked about getting married just never had the funds to do how we wanted to. In the mean time though we have both let the resentment go. And I don't think it was b/c my daughter is in Fl. I think it just kinda made us both sit up and realize that we needed to get off the fence and either be together or not be together. We both want our family. Thanks to everyone for the advice I will call my mom tomorrow and let her know what is up and pray for the best. You talked about marriage but didn't have the funds to do it the way you wanted? What was that, a big frilly wedding with the white dress and everything traditional and proper? Paleeeze! I throw my hands up in the air. |
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You Ex has a right to want to stay where he has work and does not have to endure the constant dislike of a Grandmother and Mother in law but if your Mom is the good mother you say then I don't understand why he can't find and equally good job in Florida and stick with the plan you committed to. YOu have to decide if you were manipulated into letting Grandma spoil your daughter but that sounds like a poor routine to get into. If she is going to dominate your relationships that may be a real good reason not to set off conflict when you are not there to defend your parental custody. Get to Florida and act like a responsible parent and adult daughter by talking face to face. Me and the father have talked about it and we still would like to move to Florida just not at this time. We are both in debt and need to focus on getting our finances right before making a move that big. |
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We broke up b/c we both had alot of resentment that we could not get past. The break did us alot of good. He just recently decided to stay in Tn. but the idea about us getting back together was always a topic of discussion even before my daughter went to visit her nana. And we have always talked about getting married just never had the funds to do how we wanted to. In the mean time though we have both let the resentment go. And I don't think it was b/c my daughter is in Fl. I think it just kinda made us both sit up and realize that we needed to get off the fence and either be together or not be together. We both want our family. Thanks to everyone for the advice I will call my mom tomorrow and let her know what is up and pray for the best. well from this alone (since i dont presume to judge what you've got goin on) you seem to know your answer. and good luck with that. i mean my sister went through the same thing and has been married for almost 10 years.. happily. but it took them both time to get to that level. so i wish you the best. and i think you have your kid in mind COMPLETELY because he is her father and you've stated nothing of him being a crappy one at that. |
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We broke up b/c we both had alot of resentment that we could not get past. The break did us alot of good. He just recently decided to stay in Tn. but the idea about us getting back together was always a topic of discussion even before my daughter went to visit her nana. And we have always talked about getting married just never had the funds to do how we wanted to. In the mean time though we have both let the resentment go. And I don't think it was b/c my daughter is in Fl. I think it just kinda made us both sit up and realize that we needed to get off the fence and either be together or not be together. We both want our family. Thanks to everyone for the advice I will call my mom tomorrow and let her know what is up and pray for the best. You talked about marriage but didn't have the funds to do it the way you wanted? What was that, a big frilly wedding with the white dress and everything traditional and proper? Paleeeze! I throw my hands up in the air. No frilly wedding for me. Just want my family to be around and yeah a wedding dress would be nice too. |
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He is a great father. We are both awesome parents in my opinion. We are both just young and still trying to figure how all this is supposed to work. Once again thankyou for all the advice. I will talk to mother tomorrow and explain to her the reasons I will not be making the move to Florida and reassure her that it is still in our plans but that will be the key word ours (me, my daughter, and her father) Not just my plan. No need to post anymore on this topic. But thankyou to the ones with the positive and encouraging advice.
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I'm sure I could have gone into a lot more detail. Just not trying to waste alot of time. Just need to know from a mother's point of veiw how I can explain this to her without hurting her. As both a mother and a daughter, you can't. She is going to be hurt. She will also still love you no matter what so you have to do what you have to do. You're obviously old enough to be a mommy and make your own decisions that are best for you and your daughter. All you can really do is tell her it's your life, they are your mistakes to make (if staying is one), and hope she supports you in your decision. If she doesn't, so be it. Live your life. While the desire to please our parents seems to linger well into adulthood, growing up means making decisions not based on what your parents want, but on what you think is best for you (and your child!!) Listen to the song Second Chances.
Thanks think that's exactly what I needed to hear. Good luck.
You don't have time to listen to a song! Your family in Florida could very well be planning to get custody of your daughter due to a flibbertyjibbit mother who is teeter-tottering between a man and being with her daughter! |
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