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| Topic: Would you say this was normal? | |
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See...YOU are a wise woman!!! Last guy I dated prior to now, had an X Live in g/f that called him ALL the time crying over how this or that wasn't working out...where she lived, who she'd tried to date, etc. She'd call when I was there and when he'd tell her that, she'd say OKAY, call me when she's gone.  Meeting for lunch etc, calls continued until I said okay...this needs to slow wayyyyyyyyyyy down. He sent me an email that she had sent to him saying she Hoped she'd always be in his life and how much she loves him and she Hopes he doesn't feel the need to choose, blah blah.. Needless to say I walked.
Best thing to do, walk and keep walking. Never go back. That's also how my ex was with his best female friend. Men = BLAH LOL |
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By the same token though...most people can remain friends with someone even when they find new love, marry etc. I think it's all in the "threat level" or perceived threat level that they present. I don't doubt that people can remain friends when a relationship has passed its "sell-by-date" BUT, the person you are no longer with should not have such a high priority when you have a new "significant" other in your life.Late night or daily phone calls from an ex is a threat to any "healthy" relationship. |
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By the same token though...most people can remain friends with someone even when they find new love, marry etc. I think it's all in the "threat level" or perceived threat level that they present. I don't doubt that people can remain friends when a relationship has passed its "sell-by-date" BUT, the person you are no longer with should not have such a high priority when you have a new "significant" other in your life.Late night or daily phone calls from an ex is a threat to any "healthy" relationship. Ohhhhh boy!  You mean like when she rang him THREE times one night when we were on the phone around midnight? I made that argument and was met with, WELL! YOU must not trust me!
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i have made friends through my ex and they are female and strictly platonic...no boom boom
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By the same token though...most people can remain friends with someone even when they find new love, marry etc. I think it's all in the "threat level" or perceived threat level that they present. I don't doubt that people can remain friends when a relationship has passed its "sell-by-date" BUT, the person you are no longer with should not have such a high priority when you have a new "significant" other in your life.Late night or daily phone calls from an ex is a threat to any "healthy" relationship. Too true! Ex's are ex's because they don't fit into your life..they should stay that way. Everyone had told me I was weird because I never stayed friends with ex's...It's like, why on earth would I talk to someone who broke my heart only to start bringing up past issues and hurt, regret and anger to just feel empty inside once more. If you have to keep ex around, even after you've found someone else than that relationship isn't worth getting into, obviously they still care and love that other person. |
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Edited by
darkowl1
on
Wed 09/09/09 03:34 PM
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like anything when there is a symbiotic relationship, you have to accept both parties equally if you are an outsider friend, in other words, go out with both, but not one or the other, for it will always be a little sticky, no matter how secure the other party is with themselves and you...it's just bad manners and possible dis-respect to begin with, and pulling one side stress on the mate's trust. the spouse is left alone nights, and wondering, or days too. if i was that friend, i'd make sure both were included or would not go out. things can be said and not taken back, and all three will suffer....
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By the same token though...most people can remain friends with someone even when they find new love, marry etc. I think it's all in the "threat level" or perceived threat level that they present. I don't doubt that people can remain friends when a relationship has passed its "sell-by-date" BUT, the person you are no longer with should not have such a high priority when you have a new "significant" other in your life.Late night or daily phone calls from an ex is a threat to any "healthy" relationship. Ohhhhh boy! You mean like when she rang him THREE times one night when we were on the phone around midnight? I made that argument and was met with, WELL! YOU must not trust me!
Yeah, I heard that line too. That is NOT about trust! That's him willingly, without regards to your feelings, blowing you off to talk to an "ex" or a "friend"...that's not trust, that's not love, that's not jackshit in my books. That's him being a dick, basically telling you to screw off and go find someone else to talk too! |
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like anything when there is a symbiotic relationship, you have to accept both parties equally if you are an outsider friend, in other words, go out with both, but not one or the other, for it will always be a little sticky, no matter how secure the other party is with themselves and you...it's just bad manners and possible dis-respect to begin with, and pulling on the mate's trust. the spouse is left alone nights, and wondering, or days too. if i was that friend, i'd make sure both were included or would not go out. things can be said and not taken back, and all three will suffer.... D.O you are very wise...for a scary lookin guy. 
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like anything when there is a symbiotic relationship, you have to accept both parties equally if you are an outsider friend, in other words, go out with both, but not one or the other, for it will always be a little sticky, no matter how secure the other party is with themselves and you...it's just bad manners and possible dis-respect to begin with, and pulling on the mate's trust. the spouse is left alone nights, and wondering, or days too. if i was that friend, i'd make sure both were included or would not go out. things can be said and not taken back, and all three will suffer.... well said and if the guy has a problem with his girlfriend hanging out with him and his "friend" then you know something is up. Wondering just drives people nuts. LOL |
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like anything when there is a symbiotic relationship, you have to accept both parties equally if you are an outsider friend, in other words, go out with both, but not one or the other, for it will always be a little sticky, no matter how secure the other party is with themselves and you...it's just bad manners and possible dis-respect to begin with, and pulling on the mate's trust. the spouse is left alone nights, and wondering, or days too. if i was that friend, i'd make sure both were included or would not go out. things can be said and not taken back, and all three will suffer.... D.O you are very wise...for a scary lookin guy.
thankyou, and i prefer hidious if you please(bows respectfully) 
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Too true! Ex's are ex's because they don't fit into your life..they should stay that way. Everyone had told me I was weird because I never stayed friends with ex's...It's like, why on earth would I talk to someone who broke my heart only to start bringing up past issues and hurt, regret and anger to just feel empty inside once more. If you have to keep ex around, even after you've found someone else than that relationship isn't worth getting into, obviously they still care and love that other person. I don't keep ex's as friends for that very reason, your new partner (no matter how much you reassure them) may feel put out by your friendship with your ex, and as for saying they should be grown up about it...........Well, there is only so far you could stretch a person's emotions,undestanding and good nature. |
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Too true! Ex's are ex's because they don't fit into your life..they should stay that way. Everyone had told me I was weird because I never stayed friends with ex's...It's like, why on earth would I talk to someone who broke my heart only to start bringing up past issues and hurt, regret and anger to just feel empty inside once more. If you have to keep ex around, even after you've found someone else than that relationship isn't worth getting into, obviously they still care and love that other person. I don't keep ex's as friends for that very reason, your new partner (no matter how much you reassure them) may feel put out by your friendship with your ex, and as for saying they should be grown up about it...........Well, there is only so far you could stretch a person's emotions,undestanding and good nature. Exactly Bonny! Grown up...BAH HUM BUG! They are the ones that need to grow up and stop being SELFISH |
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Ohhhhh boy! You mean like when she rang him THREE times one night when we were on the phone around midnight? I made that argument and was met with, WELL! YOU must not trust me!
He'd be wearing that phone in the style of Flava Flave!!
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like anything when there is a symbiotic relationship, you have to accept both parties equally if you are an outsider friend, in other words, go out with both, but not one or the other, for it will always be a little sticky, no matter how secure the other party is with themselves and you...it's just bad manners and possible dis-respect to begin with, and pulling on the mate's trust. the spouse is left alone nights, and wondering, or days too. if i was that friend, i'd make sure both were included or would not go out. things can be said and not taken back, and all three will suffer.... well said and if the guy has a problem with his girlfriend hanging out with him and his "friend" then you know something is up. Wondering just drives people nuts. LOL Wondering certainly does...... if it's a childhood friend, it may not be anything, BUT.....it takes quality time away from the mate, which in today's ruckus, it's hard enough to make work, let alone try to find the time for your special one. that alone can break a marriage, or union of some kind. |
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like anything when there is a symbiotic relationship, you have to accept both parties equally if you are an outsider friend, in other words, go out with both, but not one or the other, for it will always be a little sticky, no matter how secure the other party is with themselves and you...it's just bad manners and possible dis-respect to begin with, and pulling on the mate's trust. the spouse is left alone nights, and wondering, or days too. if i was that friend, i'd make sure both were included or would not go out. things can be said and not taken back, and all three will suffer.... D.O you are very wise...for a scary lookin guy.
thankyou, and i prefer hidious if you please(bows respectfully)
Okay Oh Hidious one.
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Exactly Bonny! Grown up...BAH HUM BUG! They are the ones that need to grow up and stop being SELFISH Then I will do the "growing up" and walk myself to the door! I am too much of a confident woman to be wearing a "Welcome" doormat on my forehead............ Wonder why I am still single, do you guys think I am too picky or too outspoken?
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like anything when there is a symbiotic relationship, you have to accept both parties equally if you are an outsider friend, in other words, go out with both, but not one or the other, for it will always be a little sticky, no matter how secure the other party is with themselves and you...it's just bad manners and possible dis-respect to begin with, and pulling on the mate's trust. the spouse is left alone nights, and wondering, or days too. if i was that friend, i'd make sure both were included or would not go out. things can be said and not taken back, and all three will suffer.... D.O you are very wise...for a scary lookin guy.
thankyou, and i prefer hidious if you please(bows respectfully)
Okay Oh Hidious one.
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Edited by
darkowl1
on
Wed 09/09/09 03:45 PM
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bonny, my friend. show him these threads, for there is very very good points in all that is written here, and what councilors they are, and maybe he'll understand what he's putting her through...
thanks auburn(bows laughing sincerely)
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Exactly Bonny! Grown up...BAH HUM BUG! They are the ones that need to grow up and stop being SELFISH Then I will do the "growing up" and walk myself to the door! I am too much of a confident woman to be wearing a "Welcome" doormat on my forehead............ Wonder why I am still single, do you guys think I am too picky or too outspoken?
We're not WEAK women...so the men, who act credit card collectors,(NOT ALL MEN), prey on the weak. I say screw em all ! I don't think your picky or outspoken, you are who you are, they don't like it, they don't have to talk to you, right?! |
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