He knew she was fat when he went out with her the first time. If you're turned off by something about someone, you don't go out on a second date. And you don't have sex with someone who turns you off. Unless you're a major douche bag, but what do I know?

Also, there is a big difference in asking someone you love to lose weight out of concern for them, and telling someone you barely know that they need to lose weight. Going on two dates with someone doesn't qualify as a relationship, whether they had sex or not. And as for him liking her as a person, her weight is a part of who she is. That's like for me to tell a guy I'd really like him if he dyed his hair, because red heads don't really do it for me. If I "liked him for who he is" his hair color would be irrelevant. What it comes down to is this, he knew she was overweight, yet he went out with her twice, he went to bed with her, and now he's over it. If she was too big to have a relationship with, she should have been too big to date repeatedly. Only a real prick goes out with someone he's not into, uses her for sex and then announces, oh well, I can't be with you because you're a bigger girl. Pffft....

If you have ever been over weight you might see the folly of this. If weight is an issue, do not date an over weight person. Do not try to pose it as if it is a health concern, do not bring it to her attention when she eats, do not bring it to her attention when she is lounging in front of the tv, etc..... Being over weight is a personal thing. If the person wants to be thinner bad enough they will try to be but some people have no issues with their weight and in that case they will stay heavy and love it.

It is a degrading thing to have a man tell you that he would prefer you thinner. Go get you a skinny wench then and leave them the hell alone if that is what you prefer.

No kidding. What a doggish rat thing to do!!!!! She gave it up too soon to see what a dog he was unless she was just using him for sex and then it is all good.

Well said.

I hope she was using him. It never occurs to men that women can use them, too.

Yep, usage goes both ways. Some men are only good for one thing...lol I love to turn that saying around. I have heard it used for women so many times.

In other words, do not tell her the truth, do not try and encourage her (or him), do not offer any kind of support at all, and yes, definitely ALLOW them to go through life believing that every single person they meet, ha never wanted to tell her the truth, encourage her/him, offer suport to them, etc.

I am sorry, I am not for lies, and I am not for lies of omision. AS I said, you do nto have to be rude or cruel about it. But there is NOTHING wrong with the truth. If you wear your heart on your sleeve and take offense at every single thing some one says to you, then you are only ever going to be hurt in the end.

In a very real sense, it is like the problem e have with parents making it required that any child that goes out for the team gets accepted and gets a chance to play. I am sorry but I do not agree with that, unless sit is a backyard pickup game. If you are talking actual teams, with actual competition (the very basis behind forming teams) then you need to be selective of your team members, and the kids that do not get picked need to be able to learn hat you don't always get everything in life, and you don't always get picked, just because your available. This very issue cause too many children to grow up without learning what it means to not be good at something, and I am sorry but no one is good at everything; not even Superman.

Are you even reading any of the posts??? No one is advocating lying to anyone. No one is saying that you shouldn't be concerned for anyone's health (whether it's your business or not). The point is, you do not have the right to tell someone what to do when you barely know them. How would you feel if I told you you're a sucky parent? You'd be pissy because I don't know you, right? Okay, it's the same thing, he doesn't know this woman. He's seen her twice. He slept with her, which we all know doesn't mean crap. He has no relationship with her, he knows nothing about her background, her experiences, nothing. All he knows is she's not attractive to him. So all he has to do is get the hell away from her. Does that make sense????

moments like this make me want to buy you a drink. :D

and if you're real good... maybe cake. :p

ok, again I didnt read the entire passage, so may have missed soemthing later on, but on the first page I see nothing to indicate he has slept with her. I see people making that ASSUMPTION, but not him declaring he has done so. So let's supppose...

They did not go out on a DATE the first time. Maybe it was s something casual such as having gotten into a conversation while at the laundry mat, and continuing it over coffee or something. Then when he realized she was intellectually something he liked, or whatever, he suggested they get together again to continue the conversation another day. Then he is starting to realize he likes her personality a lot, but is turned off by her size. This is a very reasonable situation to happen to someone.

Now, for him to just come out and tell her she is too fat for him to be attracted, would be nothing other than sheer contempt and cruelty. This is when you do something like I suggested earlier, say you were thinking about joining a gym, and would she be interested in doing so with you as a work out partner. Nothing is said about weight, or size or anything. You simply say you want to get more active and was wondring if she would be interested also. This gives her the opportunity to tell him if there is a reason for her to NOT be active (like bad knees or a bad back), or to just say she isn't interested, and at THIS point he needs to decide wether or not she is worth his time to pursue in a relationship.

ok, my turn to ask if y ou have read anything I wrote? I do not advocate telling anyone they are too fat, or that you would be MORe attracted if they changed something. I said to consider suggesting a future date that would increase activity FOR BOTH OF YOU without ever mentioning her size or anything. After all, you should not be willing to ask someone to do something yuo are not willing to do either.

The OP said, "She's way into me I don't need an ego to tell me that... we've already had sex and she tells me she misses me."

OK, thanks I did not see that particular posting. But I still say there is a tactful way around it, though personally I am sick that people will have sex so soon into a relationship, but that's just me. Again, without saying anything at all about her weight or size, there are several activities he could suggest that may help, as long as he is willing to do them also.

BALKY!!!!! Where are you? Defend your honour(?).

COME OUT, COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!

roflmao, I think y'all scared him away!!!

"was last seen in the last week"

Funny. I have always thought that spouting off about something is always better when you actually know what the hell you are talking about.

Might wanna try actually reading the thread next time. It's always better than assuming that everyone else is just making assumptions.

Huh. Now we are back to manipulation.

What a GREAT idea.

being a fat girl if someone suggested we go play basketball or some such situation as a date i'd say no immediately as i'd be too embarrassed as i sweat like a pig in july when doing anything remotely strenuous.

you have to understand that no fat girl would agree to do this. plus.. no matter how suttle... its obvious its a comment on weight.

come on.

methinks somebody needs to go back to school and learn what the definition of manipulation means.

For the sake of argument however, here is the proper definition

What is manipulation ?
In the context of your questionS ... Manipulation is to cleverly, unscrupulously, or unfairly control a person or a situation.

now, by suggesting that it would be manipulation to suggest an activity such as working out, playing basketball, etc. would be manipulation is nothing but pure hogwash. You are not controlling that person or their actions in any manner. You are making a simple suggestion for an activity you can do together. You are not telling them if you do not do this activity, then it is over between us. You are simply SUGGESTING a possibly enjoyable activity. Nothing wrong, or even immoral about this.