I have a major problem when it comes to other people - and I think it stops me getting into relationships a lot...I hate shallow people.

People always seem to have something to say about how I look - either they think I am "hot" or not good enough or I have even had people saying my piercings are stupid looking or make me look gross etc.

But few people ever really comment on my personality. I have a lot of interests and strong opinions. I could write a whole book, but I will just get a comment about how I look from the majority of people. If someone seems interested in my personality they are usually twice my age.

As soon as someone comments on how I look the first time I talk to them, I just tend to ignore them after that.

Am I the only one with this problem? Do you think it is wrong that I feel this way?

I just wouldn't give a damn what anyone said about you and yes write a book............

First impressions of people often involve there looks. What they wear, hairstyle, tats, piercings, all that.

Right or wrong, it is what it is.


I am not sure how someone would comment on your personality or how awesome your beliefs or interests are when they have just met you.


I'm not a mind reader. I don't know how freaking funny some girl is just by looking at her. Maybe there is something that draws me too her though and I approach her and I get to find out. Which is AWESOME.

Your a good looking girl - guys are going to notice that and maybe the ones that do you should let them get to know the other stuff which is obviously more important - but impossible to know first hand.


That is my opinion. Maybe i'm wrong, who knows.

When I was your age the same thing happened to me all the time. I am highly intelligent so it really pissed me off. I always wanted someone to be interested in me for me, not what I looked like. Then I changed myself and my thinking. I decided, like you, to ignore the superficial ones, and put my energy elsewhere. I started to attract people who did not just want a pretty face, but wanted more substance. I think you are on the right track. You will be fine.

I've written TWO books (well, actually three but the third one's not out yet) and it hasn't made any difference.

I don't think it's wrong for you to feel the way you do. I think you need to be aware that you're going to run into WAY MORE shallow types than people with any kind of substance, though. It's just a reality.

Superficial people tend to live in a world of immediate gratification. There's no such thing as taking your time in getting to know a person, who they are, their personality, their strengths and weaknesses, hopes and dreams and fears. It's all about NOW, I WANT IT NOW.

I've spent my whole life dealing with those people, and it gets boring.

I hate shallow people too...They bug me to no end!

Well darling, you are beautiful and the picture is the first thing they see when they look at your profile.

I have been on this particular site for awhile and have had the same issue at times. There is no way around it as some people just do NOT read profiles.

The first statement in my profile is me asking that they actually read it before emailing. Then I go on to say what type of emails I will not respond to. If they actually read this they know I won't respond to "you're hot" if not then I have no qualms about not responding at all.

The forums are a GREAT place to meet people because they are forced to acknowledge that you have a personality based on your posts.

Unfortunatley at your age the guys are thinking with the wrong head

Best of luck to you sweetie and don't let the pervs get you down

A lot of girls are here looking for compliments on their looks... as guys we are just confused. Not making any excuses... just saying. And 9 times out of 10 all they have is a pic to go from... so that is what they compliment.

We are not all shallow because we think a girl is attractive.

Hey...if your gonna write a book...here is one idea for a book...



We men could use this!

Exactly.

Saying to a woman that she is beautiful is hardly shallow.

You look Happy!!!!!

I thought she was talking about "real" life, not on a site like this. Maybe I'm wrong.

I agree, and to me a compliment on looks does not make a guy shallow, it does however tell you that someone actually thinks you are pretty, to me thats not such a bad thing.

Anyone that wants to tell me I'm hot... I'll be waiting...

If you are referring to online sites such as this one, all anyone has to go on initially is a pic. How would one know what your personality was like until they make that initial contact?

u r hot

You know, I take all of it as a compliment. There was a couple that a few minutes ago, messaged me saying they thought I was hot, and wanting me to have some sexual rendezvous with them. Was I insulted, a little bit, because I'm not that kind of girl, but being hot is a compliment even though most women, myself included, would rather be called beautiful.

And I completely agree with the twice the age thing. The older ones are the ones that compliment our intelligence rather than beauty. And I would rather be intelligent any day of the week.

Xo

Of course but a man is not going to notice your intelligence at first sight. If a man you just met came up to you and dropped "You are so intelligent it enlightens me."

Really? you'd rather have that?

Cuz it makes no sense.

Exactly!

You have classic good looks and men will notice. If they can't manage anything more than "You are hot" or "You are pretty", then they are shallow. Oftentimes, men think that is what a woman wants to hear, and some do. But women with brains and good looks want to be appreciated for more.

I learned a response to "You are pretty" and I'd say, "Thanks! Wait until you see how great I am on the insides, too!"

As for the piercings, I do take some things like that and massive tattoos as meaning a particular life style. It is harder initially to take someone as seriously, say in a business interaction. But, anymore it seems anyone younger than I has some form of "expression" and I've learned to give people more than a mere glance to pass judgement on their innards. Some younger folks tend not to have that patience and wisdom yet and just jump on what they perceive as someone's defect of character.

Yet, sad to say, some NEVER grow up. I've seen even recently a 40 y/o man refuse to even talk to a lady because she had weight on her. He was downright arrogant and nasty to her. Go figure!!