Jess there is no right or wrong way to express or deal with grief.. it just IS... being around VERY CLOSE friends helps but at some point the, introspective within ourselves about our passed friend, emerge's and by just placing one foot in front of the other , usually leads to a better place, internally, and emotional ... TIME really does heal all ...
anything we can do .. PLEASE ... speak up my friend

Thankyou everyone.

Your words mean so much....and as it appears, to others also, Rets, my heart goes out to you...such an uncomfortable place to be...


This family is intensely private, and our town is a tiny village...in the whole district, there are 2500 people..in the township, maybe 1200...so their loss affects us all....and as a 'family', that we are, the want to support, to care for, to do whatever the family requires, is huge, in this village.

Over the past few days, I have witnessed so many wonderful young people, show their support of the kids, by leaving teddy bears, flowers, notes and cards, at their door...respecting their need for solitude, but showing they are there.

Adults, stunned, vulnerable, also finding something to show they care..even if it is just a hug, of each other...there's a softness here, people are more gentle with each other, men supporting men, women supporting women.

None of it makes sense, as to this amazing family losing their Love...their Dad....however compassion is alive and well in this little village.

Most of us do believe it takes a whole village to raise a child....to be part of a family.


Again, thankyou.

this was awesome wording- reading it made me want to cry. I wish I could give you advice- but seeing ppl in pain hurts me.
When my sisters husband died last august ( she is 25 he 26)- I just went numb. I held her- I sat next to her. I ran to her when she cried in her sleep... but I had nothing until I went back home. Then a bawled and screamed.

DEAD MAN WALKING.....


Dear Jess...My heart goes out to you in your time of pain..And I really hope you can make it thru this......


I lost my two children over ten years ago .....tina was the first to die ...she was 26....killed by a drunk driver...their mother notified me after she was buried..........One year and three months
later my son was killed He was 21...fell asleep at the wheel of his car and hit a tree...again I was notified after the fact......



I am a biker like your husband was....and my heart goes out to you and your family...I rode home back in 2002 and I placed my ribbons on my son's headstone...and my bronze star on my daughters...My best friend had the medals inbeded in their stones....

I know right now no matter what we say to you is going to help in any way..but I still feel the need to say I am so sorry........boonedog.

I do not think we know we are grieving in that moment until we have faced our loss, our fears, upfront and honestly.

I think to understand why we are so tearful and unbalanced at a loss of a life that is dear to us or close enough to be called a friend, is to know why we are crying/grieving, are we crying for them or for our-self. I have learned most times we are not crying for what is lost, but for what we no longer have.

I think in any relationship, where all was good, regrets always finds a way in to make it self known, things we said and should not have, things we did and should not have and most of all the regret that the shared dreams are now cut in half, becoming dissolved one half.

I too think, when we grieve for anothers loss, I feel we cry for us too, thanking it was not us, then the "us" start to count our blessings with more care and given notice.

I don't know you Jess, but from what I have read about you and what you have written, I think and feel you know your path already to travel, all it needs is for you to put that first foot on it, to start a new journey...

Death is the life partner of Life, we cant have the one without having respect for the other...

Is there a GOD, sometimes we think not, yet I feel all that happens does for a reason, just that many of us never ever get to see the clear picture of its purpose...

In the face of a tradigy, Acceptance gives us a less complicated road to travel forward.

**How do you manage your grief?**

To actually answer your question as it saying...

If I take my grief to be anything
that I personally feel is infflicted with
the pain of a loss, not nessacary a death...

I can become negative with others positive intentions
aggressive like a lion with a thorn in each paw pad,
isolate myself, yet want to be found or noted I am gone,
want it fixed there and now, knowing it cannot be mended,
become quite and withdrawn, trying to find answers to why.

noting...After all is done, I sometimes found
I have added disrupted to the situation
that can be hard to erase

Learning that not all is as it seems,
that all is sometimes how I choose and care to see it.
(self truth is hard to admit and a bugga)

YET... it always seems to works out, that I am ok at the end.

Sometimes we just have to let go of the yesterdays,
to allow all of the tomorrows to become a new day.