Previous 1
Topic: A dilemma
TheLonelyWalker's photo
Wed 05/02/07 06:18 PM
U see I'm a catholic, but this is a big world. I believe that love does
not know of religions. So when if someday I get married with somebody
with other religion or a non-believer how am I going to be able to deal
the issue of raising my children.
That may be a big problem, and I wouldn't know what to do.
Any inputs outhere?

jenn_82's photo
Wed 05/02/07 06:29 PM
I would say just teach them both religions and hope that they make the
decsion that is best for there life

SarM86's photo
Wed 05/02/07 06:33 PM
i by far have no kids but just something to think about is when they get
older they will have to make the decision themselves. Theres going to
have to compromise between you and your signficant other as it comes up
if you want them to grow up in a church or grow up experiencing the
practices. Another look is if you teach them when they are little it
will be embedded in thier life and thier thought processes.

no photo
Wed 05/02/07 06:36 PM
TLW -- You can learn a lot from that sort of situation, provided your
receptive to ideas that may not be familiar or even particularly
appealing.

My first really serious girlfriend was Jewish, and I was -- well, sort
of "unaffiliated." I spent a lot of time at her house, learned a lot
about her family's customs and holidays and beliefs, and it was
different from anything else I had ever seen.

But beyond all that -- they were just people. Good, honest people. And
they welcomed my questions about their beliefs, and, at the same time,
were never pushy or recruitment-like.

You hit the nail right on the head when you said "love does not know of
religions." These barriers are crossable, and often crossed, if people
simply take the time to see others as people, not as simply as static
examples of one particular religious belief.

On the other hand -- well, there may be limits. My ex-wife's mother was
a devout pentecostal who harangued me for months to go to their family's
church, which turned out to be a hollowed out shack in the middle of
nowhere. OK, no problem. But I did find it a little unnerving when the
handful of church members starting writhing on the floor and screaming.

Worse yet was when my mother-in-law told me she would have to change
churches because the Angel of Death would always hover over her car when
she went to the first one. I could tell you stories....

But even that wasn't the religion, per se, being at fault. That was
just one lone nutjob.

So I think it's probably an individual thing; how willing are you to
learn about someone's religion? If you see it, going in, as an area on
conflict and contention. then I think there will inevitably be problems.

But if you see it as an opportunity to learn about another religion --
and if you don't feel put down or excluded or threatened because your
beliefs are different from theirs -- then I think it can be a very
positive experience.

As for kids -- really, that is something that should be addressed long
before it ever happens -- otherwise it'll be a ticking time bomb!

AdventureBegins's photo
Wed 05/02/07 06:47 PM
LW I am sure you will be decerning in your choices. All you have to do
then is live the life you have faith in and allow her to also live the
life she has faith in.

I am sure the two will dove tail nicely and your children will grow
spiritually in emulating you both.

The best way to teach your children is by living the life.

scttrbrain's photo
Wed 05/02/07 06:54 PM
I was raised as a baptist. If one can actually say they were baptist and
never went to church with a parent. My dads family is Catholic. Didn't
know him though until years later.
I flew away from the Baptist religion fast. I went through life without
any beliefs except that God was very angry and I wanted no part of it.
They scared me more than I can tell you.

After a long while, I would try other religions. Some were better than
others in my mind anyway. I looked for something to get my attention.

I later married a man that was Catholic. We had a child and we discussed
this issue. He said it was up to me. That he did not want our son raised
Catholic.(now you guys that are Catholic, don't take offense.)I would
ask him many times "why" to which I never got an answer. So, I just let
it be. We spoke of God and prayer and the sort, but never pushed
anything.

I met another man that was also Catholic. He never went to a church. He
even questioned God, and religion.
We got married in a Nazarine church. It was beautiful. We got married in
a churh because both of us wanted it to be special and blessed. And that
made it special to us.

We talked about going to church often but never made it there before he
died.
We held his service in that same church.

I came to church later in time and found one that feeds me.

In the mean time my son was seeking out the Lord on his own, knowing
full well his parents upbringing. He found what he was looking for. He
is a believer and is fine.

My point is; two people of different religious beliefs can be happy.
There are simularities. Just don't push anything. Visit each others
churches and learn. Be each to your own beliefs, but accepting and
tolerant of the differences. It is what you make it.

Kat

jeanc200358's photo
Wed 05/02/07 06:57 PM
I'd have difficulty marrying someone who wasn't Christian or, at the
very least, at least believed in God.

But if I did marry outside my faith, and we had children, I'd do
everything in my power to make sure they were exposed to Christianity as
much as possible. I could not make the ultimate decision for them as to
what faith they choose to believe, but I'd sure try to influence them
toward my beliefs.

scttrbrain's photo
Wed 05/02/07 07:01 PM
I also would never marry anyone that did not believe in God. Otherwise
our paths would collide.
Kat

Abracadabra's photo
Wed 05/02/07 07:17 PM
God shouldn’t be a problem.

lulu24's photo
Wed 05/02/07 07:22 PM
if you are to marry in the catholic church...then she has to agree to
raise the children in the catholic faith.

wasn't a problem for me, my husband was more spiritual than
religious...and that was personal time for me and the kids.

no photo
Wed 05/02/07 07:24 PM
2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have
righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with
darkness?

TheLonelyWalker's photo
Wed 05/02/07 07:30 PM
Spider cited something from the bible. however, the same St. paul wrote
on 1 Corinthians that love can overcome everything even relationships
witn non-believers

Abracadabra's photo
Wed 05/02/07 07:41 PM
Spider wrote:
“2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have
righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with
darkness?”

TLW wrote:
“Spider cited something from the bible. however, the same St. paul wrote
on 1 Corinthians that love can overcome everything even relationships
with non-believers”

Ok, so which do you take to be truth?

TheLonelyWalker's photo
Wed 05/02/07 07:47 PM
Both of them are truth.
In the spider's quote Paul said that don't get together with
non-believers, but I believe with love and patience non-believers can
open their minds, and towards the end all difficulties will be
overcomed. (1 Corinthians 13)
Under the premise that there real and true love.
As a matter of fact there must be a giving from both sides.
I, as a believer, don't need to push my faith to the one I love, but try
to let see her the positive things about my faith. Maybe someday she
will understand my faith even if she foes not accept it, and for me
that's a big achievement.

scttrbrain's photo
Wed 05/02/07 07:47 PM
I was under the assumption that bound together would mean "like married"
and the other, relationships would mean friends or aquantainces.

A marriage of an unbeliever is doomed. While friendships can be
challenged and over looked.

no photo
Wed 05/02/07 07:47 PM
Perfect love can, yes. Do you think you can love perfectly? If your
wife cheats on you with your father and brother at the same time, will
you forgive her? Even if she feels no shame or remourse? If your wife
cheated on you and got a terrible disease that destroyed your manhood
and caused your legs to rot off, would you forgive her? Without regret?
Without ever mentioning it again?

TheLonelyWalker's photo
Wed 05/02/07 07:51 PM
Spider:
As a human being I'm imperfect, it would be extremely hard to forgive
her, I would need a lot of prayer.
however, to avoid that I need to know my future wife extremely good
before i decide to get married with her.

no photo
Wed 05/02/07 07:57 PM
TheLonelyWalker,

If you truely believed that there was nothing wrong with marrying a
non-Catholic, you would be asking us. I suggest you pray with an open
mind and let the Holy Spirit guide you.

mes61's photo
Wed 05/02/07 07:59 PM
"and tho ye are smitten as before with cynical reparte' , you do not
perish, but rather retreat to grow malicious death inside yourselves."
Mookie, from Sermon on Mt. Bonnell

scttrbrain's photo
Wed 05/02/07 08:04 PM
Wed 05/02/07 07:56 PM
If my husband were to pass on a terrible desease to me, lets say AIDS. I
am sure I would feel remorse and sadness and even, yes, anger. But, I
would also take into mind that he was not alone in this. He would also
have to be dealing with whatever I was also dealing with. That in order
for me to have contracted a desease such as this, I would have to be
blamed also. Was I not also involved? To blame one person that caused no
intentional harm would be worthless and ignorant. Would this not be like
passing the buck??

Kat

Previous 1