The guy I rent a house with, Raj, has a "lady" problem. He's in his late
20s, recent Indian immigrant, and has been seeing a very attractive late
20s, recent Indian immigrant lady. They met a few years ago in Vermont,
she was transferred to NJ, and so he followed along. They see each other
daily, laugh alot, cook, watch movies, she even spends the night here
frequently.

Sounds all perfectly normal right?

He states that there never was anything sexual between them (much to his
frustration). By the looks of his face, I beleive the poor bastard.

Six months ago she announced that she was going to marry her college
sweetie. But, still she stays over here. The groom-to-be lives in Texas,
and doesnt know that she is here often. Worse, she doesnt see Mr. Texas.
But she will marry him this May 15th.

Since the announcement Raj has proposed to her. She declined. Still she
sleeps over, and spends alot of time with him.

And he is S-O MISERABLE. He is SO in love with her, and its like
watching someone fall in love with a terminally ill patient. You know
how the story ends!

He knows she will get married, he knows she wont accept his love, but,
he's so puppy-dogged that he really cherishes every minute he has with
her.

So whats his future? In discussing this w/ the 3rd house-mate, we
conclude that she is either VERY CRUEL, or he is intentionally ignorant.
I think she's the type who will continue to pull his strings for many
months to come (once she realizes she married a guy she doesnt even
know, and cant go back to hangin'with Raj!)

Whatchya all think? Cruel? Misunderstood? Whats likely to happen between
Raj & her?

Six months ag

Scratch the last line "Six months ag" - that was a typo

Aside from there never being anything sexual between them, was there
ever anything "romantic" between them?

She may have only thought of him as a platonic friend. She may have told
him point blank that's all he was to her. If she didn't, then that was
misleading on her part and very cruel, too.

But ...in any case, he needs to just let her go, obviously, cuz she's
gonna do what she's gonna do. She turned down his proposal, so she's
obviously not in love with the guy.

he is madly in love

Jean,

Oh, you asked the right question that I assumed was magically
understood. They snuggle, they're affectionate... just not gettin'busy.
When he asked her to marry him, it was clearly "romantic" and she still
continued at the same level of affection.

Poor kid is all bent.

Well, I wondered, but I didn't "magically understand." I thought maybe
her "playfulness" as a "friend" could have been misconstrued on his
behalf.

But snuggling and all of that, then it's clear she's toying with his
affections. Strictly a no-no. He should have kicked her out of the house
as soon as she made the announcement about Mr. Texas.

Sounds like a cultural thing…….The Indian cultural is very complicated
in matters of marriage and dating.


Just a thought

He's gonna need some pills after she finally leaves bro. He needs to
tell her to get the hell on. All he's gonna do is torture himself, and
then lead to DEEP depression after she goes. It's a BAD situation, I
know cuz I was basically in it with the mother of my child, all except
for the obvious, we made love, or so I thought for a while. The sooner
he gets rid of her ass, the better it will be for him in the long run.
Nobody should EVER have to feel they need to compete for love, it should
be given freely if it happens. Let him know he's better than all this.

Traditions, cultural, or religion

family very influential in Indian Culture

Just what I need, a pill-popping depressed immigrant who burns
everything he cooks. time to start looking for a new place to live! ha
ha

Do you think she will ping-pong after she gets married? Ping-Pong in the
sense that she'll keep coming back to be "snuggly" with Raj? Or will she
cut off completely?

Whats the survey say?

That's hard to say, not knowing the woman. Is she moving to Texas?

Good possibility. Honestly, it's best that they haven't slept together,
that way she can't come back and dangle a kid in front of him that MIGHT
be his, ya know? Tell him to get rid of her. If he has to, play some Tom
Petty "Don't Come Around Here No More"!! Seriously, he don't have to be
nice about it, but he has to get away from her.

Jean: Dunno if she's moving to texas. I hope so, it will be better for
Raj

My opinion...
She is totally toying with him...
She knows he is in love with her
She is engaged to be married
She still snuggles affectionately with him
She rejected his proposal
He probably gives her things...
Pays the rent...
Groceries, etc...???
Out to eat, dates...???
She has it made...
She is getting her cake and eating it too...
As soon as she marries Mr. texas, and he (Mr.Texas) finds out about Raj,
what will she do? Say they are platonic friends...and Mr. Texas will buy
it...
then Raj is left to do her bidding still 'cause she will continue to
dangle herself just enough to continue getting from Raj what Texas is
not giving her...
Get rid of her...
She is bad news...
and this my friends is why guys do not trust us...
she and others like her, give women a bad name...
Poor guy!!!!

just my two cents...

Does eligibility for US citizenship play a role in this drama?

Tough one Mike, but Raj has no choice. He must let go, come to JSH and
meet a woman who won't treat him like a plaything. This may seem harsh,
but maybe Raj is to blame for not taking the relationship to the next
level. I wish him well.

sweetcountrygirl: I agree with you fully. I was looking to hear what
other ppl would say (maybe my views are too narrow... that sort of
thing)


MassageTrade "Does eligibility for US citizenship play a role in this
drama?": Nah, as far as I know all three parties are naturalized US
citizens.

mbcasey "He must let go, come to JSH ": No way! I aint met a lady
through JSH as-yet, so I'm certainly not going to worsen my odds! He may
be a friend and all, but, there are limits. <grin>

Of course, I don't know enough about the situation to have an opinion
about the real people, but based on whats been said so far:

I don't understand the view that she is doing something wrong. Her
responsibility is to be honest with him, he is the one responsible for
his own emotions. She told him about the guy in TX, it sounds like she
clearly rejected his proposal (as opposed to a 'I need to think about
it' type answer). He is the one who clings on to what will never be.
Sure, it would certain be more merciful for her to initiate the
separation... but when he is clinging on her, and they are both getting
short term emotional gratification out of the relationship, I don't see
why she blamed.

If she had lied, then yes, it would be her fault.

They may be in their late 20s, but due to cultural difference they may
have far less experience with some aspects of romantic relationships
than we'd assume. Both parties may be more ignorant of what she is
doing to him, and what he is doing to himself, then we would normally
assume.