Hello??? massagetrade...what gratification???
Hers only??? Oh yeah...Lets keep using the poor guy...
He is young and in love...Sure he needs to ball up and tell her to go
on...but seriously...the guys balls are so blue he doenst know what to
do???
Heck, You were young once, right???
That first puppy love...
I assure, this is not her first go round...
She has done this before...

(just the feeling I get...)

gotta agree with massagetrade.

as long as she's been honest, what's the problem?

i have male friends that i cuddle with...and they are JUST friends. and
occasionally, one wants to take it further...but a quick reminder WHY we
are just friends usually works.

if he ASKS me to not be touchy-feely or come around, and i don't
listen...that's not cool. to me, this just looks like a close
friendship where one went past the line into love, and the other didn't.

Most normal straight men are sensible enough to realize that women who
are just "friends" are going to remain this way leaving the man very
frustrated and shall we say NOT GETTING LUCKY?! I would strongly
encourage him to stop torturing himself. She is just getting the best of
both worlds. Once she gets married...shes gone.

You get a feeling, and it might be the correct one. Do you have enough
information about what is actually going on to be so *sure* about it?

She *might* be a manipulative player... or she might be someone who
sincerely cares about her friend and yet doesn't properly appreciate his
pain. I was young once too, and thats why I'm not so quick to judge
her. He is young and in love, she is young and (possibly) oblivious to
pain he is/will suffer because of -their- friendship.

What do we know about what he has expressed to her, beyond the proposal?

Consider - suppose at some point she perceives that it might be merciful
to withdraw from him, and starts to withdraw, whats he going to do?
Maybe anything he can to stop her from withdrawing? Will he downplay the
romantic portion of his interest? Insist he is -truly- comfortable with
their platonic affection, just to stop her from pulling away? Of
course, there is LOTS of speculation here - I'm just saying we -don't
know- enough about her point of view to decide she is being deliberately
cruel and selfish.

>> Hello??? massagetrade...what gratification???

Oh, and to answer your question - emotional gratification. If he wasn't
getting any emotional gratification, I don't think he'd be there.

Massagetrade...true enough...we do not know the details...
but the perception...
As a lady from the south...

When a man:

pays your rent,
buys your groceries,
takes you out on dates,
sits and cuddles,
romantically swoons you,
proposes...

Hmmm...sounds like a relationship to me???

As a lady, I have many many friends...Male and Female...
and would never expect such...not even at that age...
Surely she is not that naive???
and again, I do concede...He does need to either

A.) Accept his fate as a "friend"

or

B.) Move on

"They see each other
daily, laugh alot, cook, watch movies, she even spends the night here
frequently."

nowhere do i see anything about rent. all of that sounds like things
that close friends do together.

Well, you and I read the same text and it looks like we each did some
filling-in-the-blanks, but we each filled those blanks in completely
different ways!

>> Hmmm...sounds like a relationship to me???

Well, it *is* a relationship, and apparently a very close one. Though
apparently not a very healthy one. My -guess- (still acknowledging
insufficient information) is that the 'fault' lies more with him, for
not facing reality and doing what he needs to do.

(in previous posts I was addressing SweetCountryGirl)

well...

I've known women that have done this to guys...
They just lead them on to think maybe...
in the future...
in case things don't work out...
they want to keep the just in case guy waiting in the wind...
as a "friend"...

One of the guys this happened to was a friend of mine..
and in a situation like this, when he is so smitten regardless of the
truth of the matter, or how he knows she feels, he can't see the reality
of the situation...

Hopefully she will go on to Texas, and no longer lead him on...
Hopefully when she is married, she will not persue such a "close"
relationship with Raj...(no cuddling)...A hug after a long separation or
something, sure, but that is different...

In the situation with my friend...the contact had to stop becasuse he
was driving himself crazy not being able to have her...He is now happily
married (5 years later)...
Thank Goodness...

Best Wishes to all involved...

Thanks everyone, interesting thoughts.

Mike, it sounds like you are closer to him as a roommate and friend
then you are to her. If I was in your shoes, my first inclination would
be to see her as the being the 'cause' of the problem, and cast any
negative feeling that might exist her way. Thats really all a matter of
point of view, though. They both have some responsibility for their
situation. (I'm standing up for her in this conversation partly because
I've been wrongly judged by people who lacked enough information.)

When it comes to -improving- the situation, though, it seems like we
should put our attention on him - he's the one with whom you can most
readily communicate, right? He's the one who might be brought to
realize that its in his -own self interest- to face reality. Though we
disagree elsewhere, it seems (?) like we all agree that he needs to face
reality and do something to improve his situation.

Well, Montana, you should tell
Raj to tell that bee-yotch
to take a hike!