noooo...THAT didn't sound bad at all...

how about her staying with the man she fell in love with because she cares for him and doesn't want to shove him into a home or some ****...
yet she finds 'life' in a new companion...someone who can actually make HER happy with the understanding she is going to stay with her husband.

sounds a bit better dontcha think?

Perhaps locking this topic might be the best way to go

No. That sounds like the oft-mentioned FWB.

why is that pats?

voicing opinions is what this is all about right?



that would be a good alternative


FWB? *scratches head*

It just seems to be getting a little crazy, not looking for an arguement just an observation.

it's definitely a passionate topic
very strong opinions on both sides
i just hope the OP doesn't take it too much to heart
she deserves to be happy

This is the kind of thing for which it would be good to get some professional counseling.

Most of all - the OP should be comfortable with her decision.
Each person has differing levels of emotional, physical and sexual needs. Her husband may well be completely unable to help her or even understand the situation at this point. Mingle might be an interesting place to get a survey of opinions from a widely varying group of individuals - but to make and be happy with a course of action, it would help a lot I would think to get some excellent professional support.

So sorry to hear of your extremely difficult situation.

FWB = Freind With Benefits.

Everybody deserves to be happy to the best of the extent that they know. I won't argue that. However, you play the cards you've been dealt. If you don't like that hand, you can fold and try again for a different one....OR, you can bluff, but more often than not, the bluff fails, and you wind up with egg on your face.

Love and sex are two very different things....


One can have completely committed Love with a romantic partner.... without sex...

One can have completely committed sex with a lover, without love.


Sex feeds the ego.

love feeds the soul.


Be who you are supposed to be, irrespective of anyone else's ideals...(including mine)

wow! i cant believe how many people have a word to say,i truly thank everyone for the input.I know everyone has somthing to say and im taking it all in thank everyone melinie

hang in there Melinie!

wow....I was tossing out jokes in another thread...but wow kinda a tough position. i hate to imagine being in your shoes right now.


very difficult. and it does sound like your thinking of things clearly. when the mind fails in your loved one and you are spending your time caring for them in all imaginable ways....it is surely very difficult.

i think perhaps you do need some 'you' time. you perhaps have some burnout becasue of being the ultimate cargeiver to your husband...and are sacrificing many of your own needs in the process.

search your soul........and do what feels right in your heart.

prayers for you and your husband

There's always a solution:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8LB6B39_YE

Okay, I found this information on braininjury. com .

I'm posting this list of symptoms for frontal lobe injury so that all of you can get a glimpse what I see at work, but more importantly what Melinie sees and deals with every day. What I am trying to convey here is that her spouse is no longer the same person. He is someone she does not know. Her husband as she knew him died when he was injured. Let's not judge her for being frustrated. She married a man that no longer exists, and she has stayed with him.

Frontal Lobe: Forehead
~Loss of simple movement of various body parts (Paralysis).
~Inability to plan a sequence of complex movements needed to complete multi-stepped tasks, such as making coffee (Sequencing).
~Loss of spontaneity in interacting with others.
~Loss of flexibility in thinking.
~Persistence of a single thought (Perseveration).
~Inability to focus on task (Attending).
~Mood changes (Emotionally Labile).
~Changes in social behavior.
~Changes in personality.
~Difficulty with problem solving.
~Inability to express language (Broca's Aphasia).

Many of these issues are "treated" with antipsychotics such as Zyprexa, Risperdal, and Haldol (+ Cogentin) to control mood swings and anger outbursts. It also is supposed to assist with impulsivity and the violence/raging that comes with brain injuries.

I have a friend <guy> in this situation.... I am one who beleives in being with only whom you are with myself... I asked this question after I had met him also got jumped on for asking... <not that I was chosing to partake> just that it had never occured to me before...Rather he cheats or not I do not know... I do know he wanted me to hang out with him for a beer after work... I opted not to.. cause i got jumped on in here.. I feel a bit bad cause i dont know his intentions..He may of just wanted a friend.. He takes his wife out sometimes with him but he has to carry her... He pays someone to care for her in the day also while he runs his business..He has come to my house after work and had 2 beers however another friend was with us too.. His wife smokes and he doesnt he has to hold the cigarette to her mouth for her... for he has lost touch.. I feel for him, although I would not want to be a part of that .. Im sure he misses hugs etc...all the things we strive for such as touch and being desired.. for her muscles are about all gone.. He loves her dearly though.. I can tell...

I dont know what i would do if i were you... I dont know what i would do if i were him either.. I just pray to god that never happens to me or my partner... I feel for you..Sorry that has happened...

If I was in your shoes I wouldn't know what I would do but I'm not you and only you can answer this question. I do not believe in cheating but this is not an ordinary situation so the only thing I can say is that I admire you and I would respect any of your decisions.

and although I never want anyone to cheat on me... I think if i were the injured one here or ill... I would want my partner to always be happy.. yes i would want to still be loved dearly just as my friend loves his wife... but i would like it to be discussed and i think i would actually willingly after a long while let him go elsewhere long as he is spending his time with me lol.... but then again maybe he would fall in love with that other person too.. dont think id dig that.... lol im thinking out loud..... not sure again what i would do ..guess id just have to be in the situation

Wow, what a huge pickle of a deal!! This reply is more a stream of consciousness, so sorry if it's not definitive.

Hmmm, I didn't have a relationship with a man (or woman, not gay) for over 10 years. I was abstinent from dating to sex. It is possible to go without sex or other intimacy.

BUT, I've never walked in your shoes, either. I think if I had devoted so much love and energy and time into the care of someone who is no longer my partner, I'd actually consider getting the intimacy I needed outside of the marriage. At this point, what you are doing is tantamount to tending a CHILD. You have OBVIOUSLY invested yourself in this man and are DOING the "for better or for worse". I think you HAVE acted with fidelity. I don't think God would want you miserable. But, I couldn't say that stepping outside of the marriage for sexual intimacy won't make more misery. And, I have known so many people, especially men, who have not only divorced a sick wife, but went outside the marriage to deal with the stress of an ill spouse. I'm sure they had their reasons, whether poor character or the inability to handle the stress after a certain point. I stopped judging a long time ago in these kinds of issues.

I think it comes down to... YOU HAVE BEEN AND ARE STILL FAITHFUL to your husband. If you can find comfort in the arms of another, I don't think it necessarily means you are UNFAITHFUL considering the circumstances. And one also needs to be faithful to oneself and he is no longer actually your partner in the true sense of the word. I don't know how I'd really handle this! If I did choose to accept physical comfort from another man, then I'd have to decide if it was for "sex only" or be with a man who is there for more comfort than the physical act. Quite the pickle!!

My parents are 70 years old. They've been married for over 50 yrs. I don't think they've had sex for about 20 yrs. My Dad in unable. My mom doesn't have affairs.

also the op said.... she hasnt had "good " sex in 9 yrs.... we dont know what that means either only she does..... so that would be a factor too.. for some guys are never capeable of giving "good" sex either lol...