So you tell your friends that decided to go out with this guy or girl and after time, you find out they were a real a$$ or b!tch and you end it. So you start talking to your friends about this person, and that's when they speak up and say, "Oh yeah, I knew he/she was like that, I could have told ya that."

Oh NOW you tell me!

So, why, if they knew you were going to go out with this person, didn't they just speak up and warn you, to save you from wasting your time with that person?

Because chances are you will not believe them, be suspect of their motives, and end the friendship.

well, you commented on that girls thread about telling her friend that her man was cheating and then the friendship was ruined...

some of your friends may have been in that situation before...

the ones that said they knew, all you can do is ask that they speak up next time, warn you, assuring them you aren't going to hold it against them.

i only have a couple friends i trust that would tell me up front about someone where i live. you may want to seek a couple gf too...

There is a similar thread about this, and this is one of those things that is hard to judge, and know what to do. Sometimes we want to tell, but we don't know how is going to affect the friendship. And if we don't then it does affect the friendship anyway.

They all said that to me after I got seperated from my wife, they just don't want to get involved

It's hard to say to someone that is newly in love that the person she/he is with is not who they think they are. If you do you have to be very diplomatic and hopefully very close to the person you're saying it to.


Some answers you might get:

Your only saying that because your jealous of my happiness.
He/She has change.
I don't listen to gossips you should do the same.
I'm old enough I know what I'm doing.

Getting involved in domestic situation is tricky. Often times there is a backlash or ruined friendships. So most people don't want to have to deal with the drama that follows, so most stay out of it.

Okay, maybe I should clarify. I'm talking about before you even go out on the first date with the person, you've told your friends who it is, and they don't speak up.

For example, I was asked out by this guy (not recently) and I mentioned him to my friends cause I didn't know anything about him. They knew he had a reputation of being an a$$ but didn't bother to tell me until after I stopped dating him.

When I asked them why they didn't warn me ahead of time, they all pretty much said, we figured you'd find out for yourself eventually, so why bother to say anything. Needless to say, they are no longer friends of mine.

If it was me, I'd speak up right away. Then if they still wanted to find out for themself, then that's on them.

"I don't have any friends"...James Bond in Quantum Of Solace...be seeing you

I don't like to get involved because possibilty that thae person won't believe you or will choose to overlook whatever you've told them and then who's the bad person?I myself don't mind someone warning me giving me a heads up gives me something to consider

Unless you know for a fact how the person is you cannot judge someone on hearsay , we all know how gossips can be so wrong.

If you know for a fact that he/she is an a$$ then you have to say something but if it's just something you heard then it's more complicated.

In that case, Yes I will tell my friends that the person is BAD news. If a mentioned that they were talking about going on a date with a jerk, I would tell that friend. Maybe even after a couple of dates before it got serious.

If its a long standing relationship that the person choose regardless of being told about the other person's history. I generally back off and try to be supportive b/c when things don't work out that person will be coming to me for comfort.

I am one that hesitant to get involved. I will when the other person knows I have nothing to gain by it.Most of the time if I know something about someone for a fact Not Gossip but something I have seen myself then I will tell my friend to be very careful and cautious. I will not spread something I heard on the grapevine.

Sad fact is most of the time, if you do interfere the old adage of killing the messenger well I have seen it bear out to many times.