Once I had a friend who told me she had so many problems. What are your problems? I asked her.

Then she proceeded to tell me about her family and how dysfunctional they were, and all about their personal problems and she went on and on about them for about an hour.

Okay I said, now tell me about your problems.

She said, "I just did!"

I said those are not your problems, they are your families problems. Do you personally have any problems?

She didn't.

Now I know there are people who really do have what they might consider to be "problems," but there are some people who don't have problems so they carry around other people's problems.

Also there are problems that don't exist in the present moment. They loom in the future somewhere. (Like what might happen if you don't pay the rent. Its not really a problem until the sheriff comes to throw you out in the street and that process could take months.)

Look at your own problems. Are they really YOUR problems? Are they immediate problems or are they looming in the future somewhere? Or are they problems that loom in the past.

Past problems are broken relationships and past traumatic experiences that you can't let go of. They don't exist. They are over and gone. Get over them.

Here is an example of an immediate problem. The lights go out and you can't find a flashlight. Small problem.

You trip and fall in the street and a Mac truck is coming at you. Big problem.

So what's your problem?

Do you have any problems?

What do you conceive as a problem?

YOUR ON TO SOMETHING GOOD LUCK GETTING IT TO TAKE

So, the fact that I know I don't have family problems, or friends problems,or hardly any work problems makes me a rare bird? I know the only problems in my life are my own. There are a few I'm not entirely sure what to do about, but I'm guessing the fact that I own them at least puts me a little ahead of the game.

I'm glad you posted that. I'm going to have to think about that for a while. I think it is a good tool in evaluating ones life and situation and where one is at and where one wants to go.

You know this makes sense... in a strange way...
I am not about to be run over by a Mac truck... YEAH... I am problem free.

Very interesting. I will have to think about this for a while.

kinda like the difference between wants and needs

very few know the basic differences

I have to agree with the Op,
Perceptions are rationalized into beliefs, which influence feelings, that are adopted into attitudes, which guide actions, which determines destiny.

It all depends on how one chooses to interpret their perceptions.

i like the way you think .....

im guna try it

Maybe you caring about a family member that as a problem makes it a problem for you because you love them and seeing them hurt makes you hurt and if you hurt then it is your own pain then your own problem.

...soooo, being single isn't a problem..?

This is reality. Well perhaps not everyone's reality. I can understand.

Your problem by Choice.
Freewill.
What you think about you bring about.
Einstein said that you can't solve a problem with the same mindset that created it.

If we responded to difficult situations with positive or peaceful mind they would not be problems for us. Eventually we might even regard them as challenges or opportunities for growth and development. We must take 100% responsibility for our own lives. We must stop blaming others and making excuses for the way we act, own it, control it and find purpose in our lives.

Thanks OP for a nice topic as the New Year approaches....

How can it be free will I do not choose to care and hurt for a love one I just do.

I know what you are trying to say. People live with many misconceptions or falacies that are the source of their pain (usually when someone says they have a problem it means they forsee or are in pain) Worry, have you ever not done something because you had too much to worry about, as if you are in fact achieving naything whatsoever. Self-esteem, a word unknown to many cultures, in ours its treated like an actual commodity, as if human value can be taken or given, or when one is slighted they act as if they must recover this imaginary loss. I would agree most pain stems from concepts that ultimatley are illlusions or fallacys at best, and it is those beliefs that are the cause of the pain or "problem" to begin with. ANything that challenges you in life that has the potencial to cause stress pain or discomfort is always best dealt with in a calm objective and anxiety free state, this is when or logical facilities work best. Practice that and observe when your discomfort clouds your judgemenmt and ultimately creates problems by the simple act of focusing and constantly asessing every threat. Not a good state of mind to be in.Ask yourself, Is your life in danger? Is someone going to be harmed? WHat is the worst that can happen, offen times when we are at peace with the worst possibilty, what makes us afraid and accept it, you than ask ok now what? Life goes on.

Great thread about the best mind set to tackle problems.

However, I do not agree that any measure of the quantity of humanities problems can be assessed based off of any single persons life history.

I doubt anyone here is in the exact same situation as anyone else. So to make claims about why people have problems without making specific examples can be seen as simplistic and as demeaning the nature of the problems that some people face.

To say that most problems are ethereal and can be overcome by thinking and hard work alone is sadly wrong when applied to everyone, if this is the case in your life, well what a great life you must have.

There are problems that cannot be fixed with mindset and hard work.

I think emotional pain will inevitably enter our lives. After it does, we have some degree of choice. We may continue to entertain it, by choice (or default, if we don't realize we have choices). Or we may employ any number of coping mechanisms- healthy, benign, or unhealthy. What works best for me is choosing to accept that emotional pain IS an inevitable part of life. To what ever extent that I'm truly able to do this, I find, is the extent to which I'm available to others, in their times of need.

It is understandable that one cares for their family hence they sometimes willingly take on the problems of their family and then begin to feel that these are their own problems.

If your children are grown, they should be taking care of their own problems. If they are still in your charge and in your care then yes, they are your responsibility.

If you take on your grown children's problems it is by choice because 1. you care about them and 2. You do not have enough faith in their ability to handle it themselves. or 3. They can't handle it themselves and they do need help.

If you can help them with their problems, then it is your choice to do so. But do not claim that their problems are yours. Do not own their problems. Allow them to grow up and handle the problems they can handle.

The ideal world would be one in which every person was able to handle their own problems but that is not the case.

There are people who take on the problems of others believing these problems are their own problems even seeking sympathy from friends over these adopted problems.

Where problems of your loved ones are concerned you can only do so much to help. Sometimes trying to help is looked on as interfering or sometimes it prevents them from learning how to manage their own problems.

Simply worrying about someone else's problems does not help at all and many times adds to the problem. Let go of worrying about problems you can't do anything about.

You cannot live for someone else. You cannot fix everyone and everything even though you wish you could. I think people need to learn more about when to let go and allow others to live their lives to the fullest of their capability, and learn to know what you can do to help them to help themselves.

It all depends of the problem some are insignificant others are out of this world.

When I say that when someone you love has a problem and by that definition since you love them it is your problem what i meant is their problem is not your problem but your problem is helping the one you love in any way you can, not by fixing their problem because only them can do that but helping in any way you can to either be there if they need a ear to talk to talk, a moral support for sometimes health problems or just a shoulder to cry on.

I don't think post contradicts the OP.

There is another topic going on now about the meaning of life. I'm not so sure what you are saying could be considered a meaning, as much as a possible purpose of life. It's about the only one that "makes sense" to me.

If you are doing it (helping or worrying or giving sympathy) out of love, by your own choice, then why would that be a problem for you?

(Why would you consider that "helping" them is a problem?)

So if you don't adopt their actual problems as your own, then aren't you simply creating (in your mind) a new problem (for yourself) by feeling that having to "help" them with their problems is a (your) problem?