feralcat prompted me to write this after reading one of her threads...just thoughts here if you will.

society says what beauty is. they are the ones who set the standards. they decide what it should be and unfortunately too many of us have accepted that as gospel truth.

i think its unfortunate and so many people are missing out on something that could be beautiful because they are afraid of what others might think. or they are brainwashed into what beauty is.

i have dated some men who were drop dead gorgeous as per society's standards. inside, they were dull, empty and just plain duds. i have dated some men who would be considered not so attractive, yet they were the most fun and kind and caring men you could meet.

i also believe that there needs to be some sort of attraction with your partner. yet, that attraction can come in many forms. ive dated men who were not immediately attractive to me physically, but after spending time with them and getting to know their hearts, i was very attracted to them. often times, if you have an open mind and allow yourself to see further than a bra or pants size, you can see the inner beauty that can far surpass the outter beauty.

looks fade, but the soul will always remain the same...

just a bit of my thoughts

i am curious why you would tag this as "missing out"? have you felt ashamed of the guys you have spent time with, or more of a want for the perfect balance?

((((Kitt)))) you are so right.... I date based on personality, humor, intelligence, compassion for the human race, etc. I do have to be attracted to them of course but the other things must be there drop dead gorgeous or average...

Love ya lady...

those thoughts can be applied to many aspects of life today !

That societal crap has been the bane of our existence for too long, and it's even now pervasive as pertains to men now. I admonish my 13 y/o daughter when she discounts a guy because he's not physically "hot". All her little friends behave as badly or worse. And, I pray she doesn't take any dumb assed guys too seriously or to heart if she's less than what someone else says is "ideal". I tell her God made her just as beautiful as anyone and it's all in the soul!!!

i think its unfortunate and so many people are missing out on something that could be beautiful because they are afraid of what others might think. or they are brainwashed into what beauty is.



the above is why she titled it that.. She states "they are missing out"...

because, by not seeing past the physical part of a person, you could be missing out on something good. i am not ashamed of anything and really not looking for anything. i read a thread by feralcatlady talking about men who like bigger women. so this is basically my perception on beauty of men or women and the sad truth that there are alot of good people out there who are overlooked because they are not what society thinks they should be to classify as beautiful.

((((((indn)))))

you always get me darlin thats why i love ya babe!!! xoxoxoxo

Oh, please.

I am not exactly what on would consider " hot ". I don't get many looks from women at all.

Do you think that many of them actually care that I am a good guy?? Does it really mater to them that I would probably treat them better than anyone they have ever been with??

Nope.

It's the " hot " that gets the attention in the first place. If that isn't there, then it doesn't matter a whit HOW good a guy is.

you are right...most of the time i will say, because not all people are like that, but most are. i think its sad, unfortunate.

I would have to agree. I dated some men that would not be considered all that attractive by society's standards. But were very mentally stimulating and the physical attraction grew. And the sex was great!

People that bend to every whim that 'society' tells them they have to follow tend to have an emptiness that no amount of good looks can fill.

It may be unfortunate, but that's just the way it is.

How likely are you to talk to someone, in a way that shows interest in a potential relationship, if you are not attracted to them?

I believe that everyone is guilty of doing that, if even subconsciously, no matter how much they shout from the rooftops that they would NEVER do that.

They may not have been what society would have considered attractive...but YOU found something attractive about them.

If you found nothing attractive about them physically, I would be willing to bet that you would have never bothered to find out how mentally stimulating they were.

* Edited for clarification

i have to partially disagree with you there. i have talked to many men, who initially i didnt think would go anywhere because i was not attracted to them and after getting to know them, my mind changed and i found them very attractive and i saw them in a different light. i dont just not talk to someone because i dont think they are good looking enough.

I think you hit the nail on the head Kitt, especially when you said "that attraction can come in many forms." It's amazing how you can look at someone and think they are hot as can be, then when you get to know their true personality, they start becoming less attractive and some to the point of being just plain ugly!

I don't even bother with the "hot" guys, because with the experiences I've had with them, they aren't even worth my time. I'll take the "average" looking guy any day.

So there was nothing at all that you found attractive about them in the first place? Not hair, eyes or anything at all??

there have been some instanced that no i didnt notice anythign that attracted me in the beginning. ive also talked with men, who i never seen at all and felt an attraction to based on conversation and getting to know them without any physical picture what so ever.

Well. I'll take you word for it. But please forgive my cynicism.

Actually, some of them I found very UNattractive physically at first. But getting to know them and realizing there was a serious spark when they touched my arm and such, in non-sexual contact.

But then I've also taken some of those ink-block tests and I'm very motivated by curiosity and highly drawn to intellect. I think what motivates us and we are subconsiously drawn towards plays a huge part in these things.

And it is very short sighted to say that all people are drawn to something visual at the very start. I'm not. Because I don't look at a person and immediately think of them in terms of sexual partnerships. I see them and think of them in terms of 'possible new friend'. And that isn't based on looks at all. And sometimes those potential friendships go someplace else.

If people are picking their friends based on looks, I'm not sure I even want to know those people.

nothing to forgive darlin...we are all speaking based on our feelings.

here's a true story based on our convo here....

many years ago before "online dating" was the "thing" i used to play cards on a site where you can chat while you play and add players to your friends lists so you can play with them again. i played one night with this guy some euchre. we had a great time and played that night for hours. we added each other to the friends list and played often toghter. then started emailing, then phone calls. this went on for many months. he was in michigan and i was in florida. we actually started feeling something. i of course thought i had lost my mind, how could you feel something for someone you never seen or met. i had never seen a pic...nothing! he could have had 3 eyes and a tail for all i knew, but i didnt care, something was there....we decided to meet. he was going to fly to florida for 2 weeks and go back home. he flew down and never left, we were togheter for 4 years. he had a pic of me in the beginning of our "online affair" so he knew what i looked like, but i never knew anything until he stepped off the plane, but i didnt care, i knew i cared for him.