my friend had her daughter when she was about 16 years old but now her daughter is in truoble all the time now that her perents are having a divorce she just started school in 2008 and she does not have much home work at all but she does not went to do it she does not went to put her toys away or clean her room at all but she had a bad temper at times with her mom and she give her tim-outs and grounded her and takes her toys away it all but she is starting to think she needs to spank her but what do you think

what do you mean by that did you read it

Ever heard of punctuation, like full stop, commas, and such like?

I always did the time-outs - one minute for each year of age.
If they got up during that time, the timer was reset to the beginning. But...I always gave a warning before the punishment.

It's a kid's job to test boundaries. It's our job to be consistent. No always means no and is not to be changed.

Another thing is that kids sometimes act out if they need more attention. Getting on the floor and playing with them, doing crafts with them or reading to them does wonders. They will get the attention that they need no matter what and it's either bad attention or good attention.

JMO.

she does not work much at all so she is all was with her baby girl and doing things together

Being a mom at 16 and divorced a few years later this Mom needs friends that will support her and her child emotionally, socially, and probably financially. Spanking a child who's life is in chaos is probably not going to help a lot.

If behavior is really bad I would suggest putting the child to bed earlier, taking the junk out of her diet, and having boundries and routines.

I personally think taking a child's toys away from them is a poor practice. Are they the child toys; their possessions to have a sense of ownership of and responsibility for or just leverage to be stolen away when you are angry that you have not been able to motivate them to do what needs to be done. How would you feel if someone came in and ripped off your possessions or took someone you loved out of your life? This child is telling people she is struggleing from and over whelming situation where the adults are not meeting her needs. I am not saying let a child act like a brat but better parenting skills would help this situation. Maybe offering to babysit so the parents can attend would help.

when she is bad with her temper her mom does send her to bed early and she never eats junk food at all so she is some times put in time-out or is grounded from tv or phone or friends or toys things she likes but her mom is starting to get sick of her back talking all the time and i just think she needs a good old spank but that is me

I don't have anything against parents spanking their kids, if that is their form of discipline, but honestly, in this situation, I don't think spanking is the answer. Sounds like this kid is acting out her feelings about the divorce, because it might be the only way she knows how to express herself. I think the Mom needs to have a heart to heart talk with her child, maybe while they are playing together, or doing arts and crafts, something like that, so the child feels at ease while talking about her feelings.

First of all Dolphin 08.You need to write correct sentences.
Second if the daughter is being out line Her priviledges should be revoked and items taken.
This is coming from a father of 4...mine are 21,15,14 and 6.
So I've been thru the routine and continue going thru the routine

She's got until the 15 of November to drive her to Nebraska and drop her off no questions asked!

Rude or Not. People with kids. also need to be able to help them with their home work.

If possible, being that there is an ongoing divorce and the Mom and Dad may not be focused on the child as they normally should or would be, a counselor for a few sessions might help the child so she can freely express her feelings to someone not emotionally involved.

my friend she talks to her daughter about it the divorce and it's very hard on her and my friend she just don't no what to do about it it's like her temper is bad at the time and she talk's back to her mom all the time

my friend is all was helping her with it

And who says that she doesn't have someone with Excellent English skills to help her child with homework?

Or that her children are even being taught in English? Did it occur to you that the whole world does not speak English?


This is the world wide internet people.

And this is a Parenting forum not and English Composition class. Lighten up!

Maybe you should sit down with your friend's child and talk to her. She might tell you something that she wouldn't tell her mother. Try and find the reason for her acting out and figure a way to resolve it. Hitting a child at this stage is pointless because it isn't going to teach the child what she is doing wrong. It could also be that the child upset about the current situation between her parents and instead of verbally saying something to the mother she is acting it out. She could always use the Military school routine but seriously I would sit down and try to figure out why she is acting the way she is. Maybe a third party source that the child doesn't know could help.

uh oh,, the english police is running around,,, best hide yer bad grammer,,,

Golden rule, If you don't want it done to you don't do it to anyone else. To hit is showing kids it is ok to hit. Where does the cycle stop? With you. Love, is the key, no yelling, go to Jesus' teachings. He will tell you what to do if you pray to The Holy Spirit in Jesus Christ's name as He told us to. Why the Holy Spirit,? Because Jesus is not here, He sent The Holy Spirit ,our comforter/counselor to guide us. Jesus is preparing our place. I have 12 kids and I know this works.

You have 12 kids, but you do not have THIS kid, and you do not have the same exact circumstances either...........BTW, Jesus used a whip in the "House Prayer turned to a Den of Theives", Jesus did and said a lot of things to people that wasn't necessarily desired by them...........but anyhoo.

My advice to you is to tell your friend to seek counseling for your daughter. She is going through a hard time, her world is crumbling before her eyes and there isn't anything she can do about it.

HOWEVER, this is not the time for your friend to back down on boundaries and consequences. Stay consistent with what you say and what you are doing.

Children are not robots, they have feelings and they have their own personalities.

She has temper tantrums, that is not the time to give her a "consequence" that is the time to teach her emotion control techniques. A time out is ok at this time to help her calm down, but not as "punishment".

If you or I, or your friend, are so upset that we are yelling and screaming punishing us, or trying to get us to follow "rules" really doesn't make logical sense.

Understand her feelings, let her know she is heard, tell her that it is ok to be angry, to be mad, but it is not ok to be abusive. Give her the proper ways to express her anger. Help her use her words. Be empathetic not judgmental of her feelings.

However, do not let her become the authority in the house, or it will be hell getting it back............

I have a five year old son, that has been through hell the past two years ( moved, divorced, doesn't see his dad much, etc.) and I have an 8 year old daughter, she has issues, but they both handle it in their own way. My daughter is managable, my son..............we're working on it.

Don't let anyone tell your friend she is a bad mom........she obviously cares. She needs help and support and ideas on how to manage this. It isn't easy.

I am not against a swat on a child's behind......and have personally begun to give my son one, but only under a few conditions........when he hits me. Yes, he hits me.....and I think it is fair to show him what being hit is like, but it is on his bottom and not so hard to cause much pain, just enough to shock him into reality. He has also started cussing me, which he gets a gentle pop to the mouth, nothing to cause pain, just to let him know that what just came out of his mouth is unacceptable. This seems to be working more than time outs did..................trust me I tried them for over a year and was consistent............

Each and every child is different, and what works for one may not work for another................

Some good books I've read, and I've had to combine their theories as one didn't work.

"1 2 3 Magic", teaches spanking is wrong on any level, but I did it.......if done right you may not have to spank, but as I said each child is different, my son doesn't mind "time outs" as he can entertain himself with his fingers........so they are good to use to calm him down or get him out of a heated situation, but as far as a "consequence" it doesn't work.

"Love and Logic", teaches you to give your child choices, choices that are within your control, such as "Would you like to take your time out in a chair, or on the couch?", it also teaches that as your kids get older you let natural consequences teach them how to behave, and you allow them to take responsibility for their own actions.

"The Explosive Child", was good for me, because mine has a huge temper and is very strong willed......it teaches the philosophy that kids do well when they can. If your child is struggling it is time to figure out what the causes are and then teach them skills to help them, not punish them. If someone loses their temper on a regular basis, it isn't because they are a bad person/kid, it is because they have never learned to control their anger, they have never learned what they CAN do in place of what is not acceptable.

Anyhoo, people who are ragging about the "English"...........please. This lady is asking for help about a child, and all your concerned about is whether she uses punctuation. Don't you think if she was good at English she would have used it. Egotistical if you ask me, and VERY RUDE.

It is in no way rude for someone to communicate in ways that they know how, seeking help and advice.

Acting out when the 'Groan ups' are also acting out (divorcing) is so natural.

This child's whole world has shifted... school... friends, teachers... and then her only point of stable reference..her folks, have done a shift also.

I would be more than beligerant...

What does it teach a child if their whole world turns to sh*t, and someone that they trust becomes violent towards them?


A bit of compassion here would be good...

The kid is screaming for stability.