ok, im going to do something that i have never in my life done...im going to open up and lay it all on the table, point blank...

this whole week has been one big test for me, and quite frankly, it feels like im failing. monday night i walked into my moms room to her choking on her vomit while she was passed out. i called 911 and got an ambulance on the way. while on the phone with the dispatcher i had to throw cups and sups of cold water on her to get her to keep her eyes open. when the paramedics finally got there we came to find out that she had intentionally overdosed on sleeping pills as well as blood pressure pills. by the time we arrived at the hospital, literally 5 minutes away, she had stopped breathing on her own and they had to put a breathing tube down her throat and pump her full of IV fluids to keep her blood pressure up because the meds she took were to lower it. by that time it was too late to pump her stomach because she had taken them a few hours prior to me finding her. i had to sit there and watch as she gagged on the breathing tube, wondering why she would do this to herself...it really is a feeling that you cant describe. so i stayed up all night at the hospital until i went home around 8am and finally got to sleep after being awake for 27 consecutive hours. i wake up to a phone call saying i need to get back up there that she was crashing. i get back up there and all i see is doctors everywhere...i signed what needed to be signed and was immediately told to go to the waiting room. so a while later one of the nurses comes out and says shes stable and whatnot and that i can go back to see her...she was unconcious due to the IV they had given her to relax her so she would stop fighting and trying to pull out the tube. so i went home and decided to go through her night stand to see if there was anything else that she had taken and stumbled upon a few diaries from back when i was a baby up until i was around 5 or 6. the biggest mistake i made was opening that first diary...within the first 10 pages i found out more about my infant/toddler years then i wished to know. not only did my mom take my sister and i, when i was 18 months old, and tried to jump off a bridge with us in hand, but when i was 1 she got pregnant with what would be my little brother, but he passed away 2 days after he was born. i then came to find out that all this time, my mom blamed me for his death...theres more to the diaries but that could go on even longer. so thats pretty much been my week up to today. my ex and i have had plans to go to a halloween party at a mutual friends house for a while now. he decides to tell me half an hour before we were supposed to go that hes going, but hes not bringing me with because theres going to be a girl there that he wants to flirt with and doesnt want me around. thanks alot a$$hole. so it was at that point where i basically told him that i dont want to be friends with him anymore...so now i have that, on top of what ive already gone through this week and i just feel a huge meltdown coming along and im freaking out...i have no idea what to do right now, this is just too much to handle within one week...and i appologize for this long novel but i needed to get it out...



*sigh*

Doesn't seem like a hug or a 'hang in there' is quite going to do it.

But.... that's about all I have to offer for all of that.

((dia)) Hang in there.

I agree with tng, doesn't seem to be words that can really help this...but of course you have us at mingle to vent to, we are good reader's (for the most part).

I think seeing a counselor or therapist might be a good idea for you. You've got a lot on your plate that came at you all at once. You need to talk to someone who knows how to help you with all of this. Good luck to you. I will keep you in my thoughts.

I am very sorry about your mom and what she said in the diaries

thank you guys...its been a really rough night...and as much as i try to find that silver lining it doesnt seem to be in sight

thank you, youre sweet :)

The silver lining is that you are here and you are obviously very strong. That alone will take you a very long way hon!

Dia..this may sound little trite...

There is strength in adversity. You have found out a lot of things in a very short period of time. You WILL take something from the things you learned that will make you a better person in the long run.

Like I said. A bit on the " trite " side, but I have had some experiences that have shown me that it is one of the very few truths in life.

thank you guys, it really does mean alot to me...

since the one person that i thought would be able to give me some words of wisdom and advice is too busy in his little thread to talk to me, im just gonna go have a few more shots and take a shower...




thank you guys again

Take a deep breath and feel free to vent to all your family on Mingle anythime the need arises!

Please, take care of yourself and know you can't hold the blame on your shoulders for any of these diasters.

Sending good thoughts your way!

Dia. If you need someone to talk to, just email me. Seriously.

Best wishes. Things can be turned around.

i will, thank you...

Truly sorry to hear about your week, especially your mother!!! Baby, release is the greatest remedy at this point. You need to empty your plate, and move on; I know, easier said than done. There is a point where the emotions seem to rule above logic, and it will destroy you if you let it! Come back to life and realize, the best is yet to come.

Sorry to here about all that. Things will eventually get better. Take care of yourself and seek counseling if you feel you need it. We're always here for you to talk to.

thats what i thought until i was told that he was too busy to talk to me...

:(

Dia i wish i could say the right thing to make you feel better but i guess i can't... this is something you'll have to experience and get through on the other side a stronger person. As others have said, you've got any one of us, or all of us, to vent to whenever you feel the need to. Take it one day at a time. Keep in touch will ya, just to let us know how you're holding up...

Oh dear one ... at the lowest point of my life a friend said to me 'the light might not be shining on you but it is sure shining in you'.

I think it is true. When we are in our deepest despair, the 'who' of us really shines through.

You have strength beyond measure.

Your mother sounds human ... lost and in pain ...

I hope you will be able to distinguish her pain from your own so that you don't take her's on too ...

My best wishes for you all ...