You seem to be the rarity these days. I know I've never seen anything close to this from my ex. He has, in the past, in order to not help support the kids, gone as far as saying that my youngest was not his. His reason, she has blue eyes and he has green (blue eyes on both sides of the family).

It is refreshing to hear of a man who is more than willing to do what is needed to raise his kids.

Thank you.

Over the years I have thought about child support a lot. And my "kids" are grown and gone a decade. I have seen the laws get better and maybe even the enforcement but what I haven't seen is that getting blood out of a turnip is not any easier than it ever was. The sad fact is sometimes we make bad choices with the information we had at the time. Rarely do you get a do over and you may well be in the boat alone a long time. You can wear yourself out trying to make a right out of a wrong or being angry but usually it is just throwing more of your energy down a rat hole. It is tough but if you want to raise your kids on your own you can do it and actually do it pretty well. You may have to make big sacrifices but if you look for it there is help out there and you can get ahead. Kids are always better off with two parents but one good parent can get the job done and done well. For those of you that find yourself in that boat occasionally indulge a vent, you are only human, but take it from me the less you waste on what you can not change the better. Good luck.

I have been truely blessed to have had a family that was more than willing to help when I needed. I was also blessed with a church who was willing and able to help also. As a result I have 3 wonderful adult children. My oldest is working towards a masters in nursing, my son is still trying to figure out what he wants to do, and my youngest starts college in January (she hasn't declared a major yet). All 3 are living on their own, paying their bills and working daily. They have made everything worth it, all of the headaches, heartaches, and other sacrifices.....all totally worth it.

I did good, if I do say so myself.

I think most men (at least I hope) are up to their responsibilities. You only hear about the ones that don't. I do have to say... judging from the responses here... that the ratio of good to bad doesn't look as good as I would hope.

Like with every other news or gossip, bad or negative comments remain while positive and good deeds go unmentioned.

There are many men/women who do satisfy their child support orders, kudos to those that do and remain active participants in their childrens lives.

now for how i feel child support should work

i think both parents should pay support and it should go into a separate account

and it should be accounted for

and living expenses rent utilities should be 1 share per adult and 1/2 share per child (if 2 adults and two children at 600 a month then the adult share would be 400 and each childs share would be 100 each)

this does not count things like clothes and such

the govt has a food stamp scale for families and that scale should be used for the purposes of child support

toys and extras do not come out of this account

and when the child become a college student then any money left in the account goes to help pay for college if child does not go to college the money gets returned to the parents in the same ratio it was paid into the account

just a thought

but hey

what do i know

(i can name at least three custodial parents that use child support for their own means and the child gets very little)

im paying child support, and the courts dont know for sure if the second child is mine or not,, there are questions about it. i have talked to the courts and the cse about it and they will do nothing about it. now let me be late on one payment they are ready to throw me in jail like i have done something completely wrong. im working for a temp service, and they know that, but still dont work with me to deal with the times that i dont have any work for a week or 2 at a time. and now that im about to go back to school, its just gonna get worse. my ex will start calling and raising hell if one payment is late. and she uses the kids against me every chance she gets.
the cost of living where i live, it is impossible for me to have a place of my own and everything taken care of. i have to live with someone to help make ends meet. and when your like me,, living 5 hours away from the kids, no one takes into account the money that is spent just to be able to see the kids for a day or 2. time off work, gas money, food expenise, and everything rolled up into one will cost me over 400 a trip. but they dont care about that. and if i were to put insurance on the kids,, just them and not me, it would be 130 a week, so i might actually clear about 75 dollars after everything is said and done. the system is set up completely against the person that has to pay. if you get behind its so hard to get caught up that you can lose everything and they will keep coming till your in jail. then what the hell good are you? your not working, your sitting in the jail, cant see your kids, and dealing with that drama. in my mind its completely a no win situation.

Bless you. Now that's a dad! (not saying others here are not). Your a smart reasonable man and your daughters are lucky to have a father such as you.

Who pays for the toys and extras then? The $75 to play a sport at their school? The computer they need for school?
Field trips, school pictures, birthday presents for parties, scouts, school trips, and more?

I know. The custodial parent and probably the one that earns the less of the two.

the toys and extras come out of your personal money

school expenses are from the support it is a cost of education

not the support money

yikes, are you saying that everything outside the realm of overhead expenses are to come out the personal money of the parent that buys it, school expenses are also to be the custodial parents responsibility as it's education not support???

wow

reread it fran

school expenses come from the support account as it is a cost of education

just poured my coffee, wasnt sure I understood which is why I asked.

what would you say are things not covered? what is the custodial parent to do when the support doesnt meet the demands/expenses?

then the support needs reassessed

just like it is reassed when someone changes their circumstances now

there are parents out there that can not afford to see their kids cause there is no money left after they pay their support

then they are considered the bad person cause they do not see the kids

it should not be based on income

it should be based on the same scale the govt uses to decide how much a family needs to survive

and it should then be divided between both parents

then maybe there would not be so many that refuse to pay

i know a guy that is paying 160 a week for one kid

sorry but that is way out of line

he pays more for one kid in three weeks than the govt gives a family of 4 to live on for a month

just aint right

ok responding to each of your points - female perspective - and a non recipient of child support (ever ) so I may be a little biased

reassess support - like the cost of living this may harm more than help the non custodial parent

chg of circumstance - just like rent if you dont pay you dont live there, why should the non custodial parent have to bear the burden of those who do not maintain steady employment (granted maybe not their fault, but the support is still needed)

as for parents that cannot afford to see their children - I am a firm believer of where there is a will there is a way.

as for being considered a bad person - that is the victim syndrome kicking in - the old woe is me. There are plenty of parents that are wrongfully accused of neglect by the custodial parent, granted.

if not based on income - why should the custodial parent have to have support based on low income family statistical info??? this I see as unfair.

agreed it should be divided by both parents, also time should be divided by both parents. why only be a parent every other weekend?

those that refuse to pay are _____ but thats just my opinion... feel free to fill in the blank

if your friend is paying 160/wk - thats great, maybe that child will be able to do things and have things a person who received govt assistance doesnt. Why should this child be raised on what the gvt thinks a family should make to survive? When apparently your friend makes a pretty penny, should the kid also benefit from that???


Robin

if only that was the case

she uses the money to make her car payments and house payment

that is not what it is for

if it went to the kid it would be different

and it happens that way a lot

i know another that has kids just so she can get the support from the father

prostitution that pays for 18 years

i would laugh but it is really pretty sad

what the money is used on is no ones concern, the child benefits from the home and car usage (jmo)
the child is not responsible nor will he be until he turns 18 or 21 depending if he/she continues their education.

I doubt it, no parent has kids to collect support - unless your a gizillionaire...

wow - prostitution pays for 18 yrs - pretty low blow - as both parents sold their asses - not just one

I do find it sad, that 'some' non custodial parents want more control when they barely provide the means JMO

I think of this as short term pain. Things will be tight for a few years but they will get better. The bottom line to me is that I want to be there to support my kids (financially and with mny presence) and I want them to suffer as little as possible. And I also feel responsible for making sure my ex has time to get her life in order.

Things will get better. For everyone.

Morning Fran!

I'm in the weird position of being able to see this from both sides of the equation, being a single mom and dating a non-custodial dad. So, for what it's worth, here's my 2 cents. Both parents, by accident or choice, brought a child into the world therefore they are both EQUALLY responsible for providing for that child in terms of shelter, food, clothing, education expenses, medical, dental, etc. etc. etc. THOSE are the necessities, everything else is a want, not a need (though those should be addressed as well). Regardless of who has custody or the custody arrangement, both parents should bear equal financial responsibility, which means yes, that mom (or custodial parent, I used mom as this is traditionally the case) may have to get a job to actually support their children. Most women do, of course, but there are lots more who do not. I also think that all sources of income within a household should be taken into account. I know of one woman who lives with her parents and her boyfriend, who pay all her expenses, she refuses to work so she can be a full-time mom yet sloughs them off on other relatives as often as possible and uses her child support for her own habits. This child support money is NOT going to her kids. So, why is this dad paying child support, then buying them necessities on the side because the mother doesn't provide them? And if he so much as sneezes "wrong" she refuses visition? But, the courts don't care about that, she's the mom and he has no rights whatsoever. He has to basically kiss ass in order to see his own kids once every 2 weeks. I don't think child support should be solely dependent on the non-custodial parent's income. Just because they pay more doesn't mean that the child's quality of life will improve. As long as all the necessities are covered, that's the important thing.

Perhaps an extreme example but the thing is, and I think most us would agree, the child support system and family courts are extremely lop-sided and need some serious fixing.

It's our job as parents to support our kids to the best of our abilities. But once the divorce is final (if there was ever a marriage), then our responsibility to the other party ends.

Maybe I'm an anomaly but I do not want child support from my ex, even if I needed it. I do not EVER want to be dependent on someone else and I will do whatever it takes to support my kid. I'm not saying his dad shouldn't contribute (and he does) but I think women, especially, make themselves dependent on that income, when it's not theirs to begin with, but what happens when the kids grow up? Or the father dies or otherwise becomes incapacitated? And they feel entitled to have the father still support them. When my ex and I split up, I simply told my son that life was gonna change, all the extras would have to be cut down or out. And you know what, he could have cared less. What he did care about is that he got to see his dad on a regular basis and that we as parents were trying to get along in our divorce than we could in our marriage.

that is more the norm than the exception (with paying non custodial parent) which is a shame

and those that do not pay know that and is part of why they are not paying (i do not condone this but it is a fact of the matter)

and to be clear i owe no child support to anyone nor does anyone owe me child support (thought i should clarify)