Why do some ladies insist on going back to the same guy that mentally and physically abused them?

many claim its love.

I don't call that love, its stupidity!!!jmo.

Sometimes one must learn the same damn lesson numerous times before sinks in and we learn from it. I can't and won't tolerate either, but that's just me.

Some women have self esteem issues. Maybe they believe that these men will change if they stay and if they love them enough

Maybe they are afraid to be alone- that this might be their only chance to be with someone, that noone else will love them.

They're simply co-dependent. They simply need to be with someone, regardless of whether or not the person acts in their best interest.

Cause I like it.

Your answer lies within your question. The mental abuse breaks you down to the point that you are made to feel that you "deserve" the physical abuse.

Physical abuse is quick and obvious. Mental abuse is slow and devious.

Of the two, it is far easier to heal from the physical. The mental abuse never quite heals.

and they dont know anything else and sometimes they think its right as they may had been brought up in a home like that so they dont know anything better,,,, i was not raised like that and i was in several abusive relationships, one was emotional, the other was mental,physical that one didnt last a week, and the other was about 23yrs ago i was with that guy for 4months and he was a big time mammas boy, to many issue to deal with and we had been arguing for over a week and i was taking care of my nephew at the time and i came home and we got into thr argument again, and he went and got his mom, as while his mom was in the room, he grab a knife, and of course his mom didnt do anything she just stood there, i called my sister freaking and they came and got me with the police of course,,,,,,,

Just wondering if you have ever been in such a situation??? U'd be surprised how intelligent such women are.........

There are several reasons.......depending on childhood and previous home life it may be just as normal to them as having a bowl of cereal for breakfast in the morning.

Let me copy and paste a post I made in another forum a while back:

Women generally NEED that social connection, and they are willing to do almost anything to get/keep it.

It also has to do with a woman's desire to "fix" things. A lot of women NEED a cause, and they choose whatever man they feel needs the most work.......and it takes them years to realize that people aren't objects that you can just "fix".

There is a lot of psychology behind it...............and there are as many reasons as there are women and men who stay in such circumstances.

A lot of it has to do with not knowing yourself, and your needs/wants well enough to do anything about it.

Some of it is societal pressures...........some of it has to do with childhood and whether or not you have ever had a good example of what a relationship should look like.

Such as, what if u grew up in a strictly Christian home, that taught u that there was absolutely no reason, besides adultery, to get a divorce?? What if u were taught to submit to ur husband?? Yes, these churches still exist....

I think many would be surprised to know that people who are raised in an abusive home.........actually think abuse is normal.......whether that abuse was directed at them or not.

I'd like to add to that, familiarity and comfort zone. People tend to stay where they are comfortable. If you had been with this person for a long time and the abuse was gradual (as it almost always is) then you have established a relationship (whether it is a healthy one or not is irrelevant) and a "home". To leave the place and person you have known for so long is not exactly easy.

Most people who abuse, do not show their true colors for a time. Come on, if a guy beat the crap out of u on the third date because u looked at him funny..........then there would be jail time and no chance at a fourth date. But most people are on their best behavior for the first year or so......and the abuse is gradual. A slight push, name calling......... If you were slapped as a child/teenager by ur parents, what is "normal" to you.

I've been in a mutually abusive relationship. I didn't just sit and take it (at first) I dished it back out......... My home life as a child was similar. I ran my mouth to my parents, and my dad would slap me across the face. I did not know what a peaceful home was......... There came a point where I didn't fight back, for two reasons I was scared it would escalate farther than I could handle......and because it was wrong. The problem was I had been with him since I was seventeen had two children.......and no job.

You say there are programs........yep. You get to stay in a shelter with a bunch of other people you don't know.....where they hook u up with government assistance.....not exactly the best of situations. Better than living that way, but certainly not in your comfort zone.

Things have to get extreme before you are willing to give up everything you know..........

Anyhoo, only people who have never been there, and who know lil about psychology would deem it "stupid". Twisted, yes. Unhealthy, yes. But the logic makes sense, if u simply can look at it from the victims point of view. A lot of them are convinced that they did something to deserve it. Such as mouthing off........etc.

Honestly, I have never been in this situation so I can not speak for all women but I believe it is a mixture of being dependent and afraid.

Thankfully, I do not attract guys like this because I would not want to go to jail for beating someone with a baseball bat for abusing me.

statistically an abused woman's chances of being murdered by her abuser goes up if she attempts to leave...usually she has been isolated from family and friends and has no where to go..by the time you witness physical abuse a cycle of psychological abuse has been happening that has torn down her defenses and left her mentally defensless...

stop blaming the victim, ask instead why would someone keep abusing a person who loves them and keeps forgiving them?

That one is easy..........the abuser doesn't love themself so therefore can not love anyone else and settles for control instead.

Though I see/agree with your other point.......it isn't about blame but RESPONSIBILITY. It is not the responsibility of anyone else to make sure you as adult are taking care of. It is that mentality that brings about the situation of abuse. You allow others to hurt you simply because you are not taking responsibility for yourself and your own needs instead relying on those around you to make you feel good about yourself, to protect you, to love you. You do all this while taking on the responsibility of others, trying to help them be better or fulfill their potential, etc.

It is only when you take responsibility for your own wants/needs and realize that your abuser is not your responsibility in any way shape or form no matter who they are or what vows you have taken, that you are able to leave.

its not just women that go back, men go back also. I left a very mentally abusive husband and never looked back, it was hard, but I had to do it in order to live.

Not you silly LOL

don't you remember..according to me ex i'm abusive

You and I both know you're not, sweetheart

Some reach a point where they actually start to believe they are somehow deserving of that type of treatment. Maybe they are going back to try to 'fix' it...thinking it is something they have cause.

If someone you truly love & think loves you tells you repeatedly that you are or treats you as if you are crap long enough, I would imagine that you might start to believe it yourself. Sad...it is like a vicious cycle, I'd think. Difficult to get off that type of 'merry' -go-round.

^^^Yep.