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| Topic: TIPS 4 Long Distance Relationships (LDR'S) | |
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congratulations to the two of you, i hope your happiness continues.
my advice for people in any relationship, long distance or otherwise, is to keep expectations low and affections high. and buy lottery tickets (travelling back and forth gets expensive haha) |
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Edited by
OneMoreTimeAround
on
Wed 09/03/08 11:38 AM
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First of all Angel & Pec...congrats!!! LDR's CAN and DO work. Granted it takes two people who are committed to that relationship and lots & lots of communication. Honesty at all times.
I was on vacation one year in Myrtle Beach. He was from Canada and was there playing golf. We had a blast that week. Found that each of us went there the same time of year and met there again the next year. It was then we decided to give a relationship a try. It worked for 5 years and it was wonderful. His job required him to travel a good deal so we were able to meet 3 or 4x a year for 3 or 4 days at a time. Sometimes more often. The main reason it stayed LDR was because I still had a child at home, she was in high school. I wouldn't have been moving to another state...but to another country and I wouldn't do that to her. The relationship ended, not because of distance, not because we didn't love each other, not because we didn't plan our future, but because an accident caused him to be paralyzed like Christopher Reeves was and because of complications, his life ended within two years of the accident. This was the most wonderful relationship I've ever had. We NEVER took our time together for granted, we never took EACH OTHER for granted. Each new time together was almost like the first time but better. We were ALWAYS considerate and respectful of each other's feelings. Yes, there were times when we wished we could be with each other at that very moment...but there was always the phone and pc. There is enough loneliness in this world, enough sadness, enough pain. If you can find love and happiness 1 mile apart or 5000 miles apart...grab it with all you've got! There are NO guarantees EVER about ANYTHING. Good Luck to you both!!!! |
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I'll take internet dating for 500$ alex
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First of all Angel & Pec...congrats!!! LDR's CAN and DO work. Granted it takes two people who are committed to that relationship and lots & lots of communication. Honesty at all times. I was on vacation one year in Myrtle Beach. He was from Canada and was there playing golf. We had a blast that week. Found that each of us went there the same time of year and met there again the next year. It was then we decided to give a relationship a try. It worked for 5 years and it was wonderful. His job required him to travel a good deal so we were able to meet 3 or 4x a year for 3 or 4 days at a time. Sometimes more often. The main reason it stayed LDR was because I still had a child at home, she was in high school. I wouldn't have been moving to another state...but to another country and I wouldn't do that to her. The relationship ended, not because of distance, not because we didn't love each other, not because we didn't plan our future, but because an accident caused him to be paralyzed like Christopher Reeves was and because of complications, his life ended within two years of the accident. This was the most wonderful relationship I've ever had. We NEVER took our time together for granted, we never took EACH OTHER for granted. Each new time together was almost like the first time but better. We were ALWAYS considerate and respectful of each other's feelings. Yes, there were times when we wished we could be with each other at that very moment...but there was always the phone and pc. There is enough loneliness in this world, enough sadness, enough pain. If you can find love and happiness 1 mile apart or 5000 miles apart...grab it with all you've got! There are NO guarantees EVER about ANYTHING. Good Luck to you both!!!! OHMYGAWD this is one of the saddest things I have ever read! 
So sad you lost your friend in such a horrific way...I can only feel a little bit of what you must of felt...I know the night of Peccy's accident when he got on cam all bloody and banged up from his accident...my heart sunk...that was the night I knew I truly was in love with him and didn't want to be without him... 
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  {{{Angel}} great post hon! And oh-so true.. every word. Thank you for taking the time.. and caring enough for others.. to put this together. I wish you & Peccy every success
Lilith What you went thru was horrendous.. And I am so sorry that you were so misled, used and hurt.
I know who you speak of.. and want to point out for those that don't... Yep.. Lilith is a very wise woman.... I too knew this person... and while I was just a friend.. the person he presented himself to be to me was the same one he presented to Lilith. I am no idiot either... so trust me when I say he was a master at fooling someone, he was. LDR's definately require more effort than a relationship where the person is local... however... if the love & respect is sincere.. then it is totally worth the extra effort
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Edited by
Peccy
on
Wed 09/03/08 11:55 AM
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OMG OneMoreTimeAround THAT IS A STORY WORTHY OF A book! I am so so so sorry that happened.
This is why my #1 rule in a relationship is never ever go to bed mad at each other, tomorrow is not a promise to anyone and I start each day with an "I love you" to Angel! I feel for you OneMore! Thank you for sharing! |
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First of all Angel & Pec...congrats!!! LDR's CAN and DO work. Granted it takes two people who are committed to that relationship and lots & lots of communication. Honesty at all times. I was on vacation one year in Myrtle Beach. He was from Canada and was there playing golf. We had a blast that week. Found that each of us went there the same time of year and met there again the next year. It was then we decided to give a relationship a try. It worked for 5 years and it was wonderful. His job required him to travel a good deal so we were able to meet 3 or 4x a year for 3 or 4 days at a time. Sometimes more often. The main reason it stayed LDR was because I still had a child at home, she was in high school. I wouldn't have been moving to another state...but to another country and I wouldn't do that to her. The relationship ended, not because of distance, not because we didn't love each other, not because we didn't plan our future, but because an accident caused him to be paralyzed like Christopher Reeves was and because of complications, his life ended within two years of the accident. This was the most wonderful relationship I've ever had. We NEVER took our time together for granted, we never took EACH OTHER for granted. Each new time together was almost like the first time but better. We were ALWAYS considerate and respectful of each other's feelings. Yes, there were times when we wished we could be with each other at that very moment...but there was always the phone and pc. There is enough loneliness in this world, enough sadness, enough pain. If you can find love and happiness 1 mile apart or 5000 miles apart...grab it with all you've got! There are NO guarantees EVER about ANYTHING. Good Luck to you both!!!! I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing such an intimate & beautiful love story with us.
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Long Distance Relationships (LDR'S) LDR'S are HARD! They are not something I would recommend, nor something I would totally rule out. What I am saying here is, I wouldn't suggest going out looking for one, but if that connection does happen, don't let it frighten you away from true love (it may not come again). LDR's need special attention Lack of the physical presence in your lover's life warants being attentive in other areas like, messages, phone calls, web camming, photographs, sharing bits and pieces of your daily life etc. Special attention needs to be made in making your partner feel secure. What might seem like harmless flirting in real time, could be harder to handle when you are miles apart and not feeling as secure. Be mindful of this. Have some goals for the realtionship. Discuss plans of a future. Having a next meeting or something to look forward to keeps things real and alive. The written word can be easily misunderstood, my advice on this (though I do not practice my own advice) is to stop the texting and pick up the phone. A voice shows emotion that text cannot and is more easily understood. Don't go to bed mad (I don't practice this advice either) in a LDR electronic contact is all you have and if you cut those lines of communication off, you can't settle anything. Ask LOTS of questions! This not only gives you things to talk about, but helps you learn a great deal about the person. SHARE expenses! No one should have to foot the entire bill. When possible share the costs involved-plane tickets- phone calls-rooms etc. Ok, I may think of some more tips along the way...but feel free to add some to this...I need all the help I can get LOL 
You missed off the most vital part in my opinion...Seeing eachother as often as is possible. I am in a LDR, i live in England, she in Scotland. We are lucky enough to beable to spend about a week in every month together. Not everyone will beable to do as much as that, but at least every effort to see eachother as much as possible is vital. |
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Edited by
OneMoreTimeAround
on
Wed 09/03/08 12:47 PM
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Whewww, now I can breathe again and write this. Thank you all for your comments. It isn't about miles, it's about the two people in the relationship. I don't know if there are any enlisted military on this site or not...but would any of you NOT even consider a relationship with someone in the military...it would be long distance at times ya know! For all those who have to be seperated from loved ones, no matter the reason, it's tough, but it's still about TWO PEOPLE, not the miles. Sometimes too much time together can be just as bad OR WORSE, then too little time.
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Long Distance Relationships (LDR'S) LDR'S are HARD! They are not something I would recommend, nor something I would totally rule out. What I am saying here is, I wouldn't suggest going out looking for one, but if that connection does happen, don't let it frighten you away from true love (it may not come again). LDR's need special attention Lack of the physical presence in your lover's life warants being attentive in other areas like, messages, phone calls, web camming, photographs, sharing bits and pieces of your daily life etc. Special attention needs to be made in making your partner feel secure. What might seem like harmless flirting in real time, could be harder to handle when you are miles apart and not feeling as secure. Be mindful of this. Have some goals for the realtionship. Discuss plans of a future. Having a next meeting or something to look forward to keeps things real and alive. The written word can be easily misunderstood, my advice on this (though I do not practice my own advice) is to stop the texting and pick up the phone. A voice shows emotion that text cannot and is more easily understood. Don't go to bed mad (I don't practice this advice either) in a LDR electronic contact is all you have and if you cut those lines of communication off, you can't settle anything. Ask LOTS of questions! This not only gives you things to talk about, but helps you learn a great deal about the person. SHARE expenses! No one should have to foot the entire bill. When possible share the costs involved-plane tickets- phone calls-rooms etc. Ok, I may think of some more tips along the way...but feel free to add some to this...I need all the help I can get LOL
You missed off the most vital part in my opinion...Seeing eachother as often as is possible. I am in a LDR, i live in England, she in Scotland. We are lucky enough to beable to spend about a week in every month together. Not everyone will beable to do as much as that, but at least every effort to see eachother as much as possible is vital. Well I guess I kinda thought that was included in "having goals for the relationship". I didn't specify a certain amount of time because this is going to be dependant upon each couples distance, flexibility and financial capabilities. I know Peccy and I have only met once in 6 months And it is hard. But that once was for two whole weeks! And our goals are for a more permanant solution in the not too distant future. Now, if a couple was going to be in a LDR for an extended period of time I could not see seeing each other once every 6 months as workable (but ya never know). But, you are right...see each other as much as possible...it can make all the difference.
and Kudos to you for being able to maintain an LDR...good luck
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and have LOADS of cash on hand, as you'll need it for makin' those long-distance one-day trips to see your LDR. of course, it'd be even more helpful if you had a learjet like peccy does, too. 
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Sorry, you had such a bad experience. Yes, caution should be used with all relationships..not too sure that it is any easier to deceive though if the right questions are asked and demanded to be answered. You do need to know what to ask, though. As far as the financial issue...why would you buy his ticket? Shouldn't costs be shared in a relationship? I mean...Peccy paid for his own ticket..but, I paid for our cabin, roon in PC and our food, booze and entertainment. Finances should be shared as much as possible. Yes, costs should be shared and were supposed to be. But, they weren't, as he was not as good as his word. And we spoke over 3000 minutes a month, plus pc time. Trust me, I asked the right questions. I simply received lies in response. The man was a narcissistic sociopath. No exaggeration. Ask Peccy.... he encountered him a time or two or three.... Those are the type to watch for. Indeed Lilith he was quite the loser and a con-artist of sorts. I really pissed him off quite a few times...lol... but I never clued in he was a fake, because I only saw one layer of him. The wannabe intellectual. I should have clued in that night he verbally assaulted my thread postings. Really intelligent people do not lose control like that. It's considered a weakness. But he fooled me too........lol |
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Long Distance Relationships (LDR'S) LDR'S are HARD! They are not something I would recommend, nor something I would totally rule out. What I am saying here is, I wouldn't suggest going out looking for one, but if that connection does happen, don't let it frighten you away from true love (it may not come again). LDR's need special attention Lack of the physical presence in your lover's life warants being attentive in other areas like, messages, phone calls, web camming, photographs, sharing bits and pieces of your daily life etc. Special attention needs to be made in making your partner feel secure. What might seem like harmless flirting in real time, could be harder to handle when you are miles apart and not feeling as secure. Be mindful of this. Have some goals for the realtionship. Discuss plans of a future. Having a next meeting or something to look forward to keeps things real and alive. The written word can be easily misunderstood, my advice on this (though I do not practice my own advice) is to stop the texting and pick up the phone. A voice shows emotion that text cannot and is more easily understood. Don't go to bed mad (I don't practice this advice either) in a LDR electronic contact is all you have and if you cut those lines of communication off, you can't settle anything. Ask LOTS of questions! This not only gives you things to talk about, but helps you learn a great deal about the person. SHARE expenses! No one should have to foot the entire bill. When possible share the costs involved-plane tickets- phone calls-rooms etc. Ok, I may think of some more tips along the way...but feel free to add some to this...I need all the help I can get LOL
You missed off the most vital part in my opinion...Seeing eachother as often as is possible. I am in a LDR, i live in England, she in Scotland. We are lucky enough to beable to spend about a week in every month together. Not everyone will beable to do as much as that, but at least every effort to see eachother as much as possible is vital. Well I guess I kinda thought that was included in "having goals for the relationship". I didn't specify a certain amount of time because this is going to be dependant upon each couples distance, flexibility and financial capabilities. I know Peccy and I have only met once in 6 months And it is hard. But that once was for two whole weeks! And our goals are for a more permanant solution in the not too distant future. Now, if a couple was going to be in a LDR for an extended period of time I could not see seeing each other once every 6 months as workable (but ya never know). But, you are right...see each other as much as possible...it can make all the difference.
and Kudos to you for being able to maintain an LDR...good luck
Thanks and good luck to you two also. Me and my lady (who is pink_lady on here) were just friends online, but we met almost a year and a half ago and have been together since. So we have seen eachother every month since, thanks mainly to overtime i have been doing and a low budget airline operating between out home towns. Of course, we cant keep on doing things like this forever though, and we do have a goal to be together properly. Next summer she should me moving down. So i still got a good few plane journeys to make until then, but as we have that ultimate goal it is no real problem to carry on as we are for now. |
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Peccy, I hope you know we jist argued about that and his side of course was totally different.....
Thank you for your reply in here about that. Dan... sigh we are in admiration. |
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great advice i will try to follow cause i seem to find myself in ldr.question ? is there a ever chance that the 2 people involed ever get to c each another the reason i ask is it seems that i never get to c the person .must b my luck.
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great advice i will try to follow cause i seem to find myself in ldr.question ? is there a ever chance that the 2 people involed ever get to c each another the reason i ask is it seems that i never get to c the person .must b my luck. <-------look at my pics 
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so my question is, which one of you is moving to be with the other person?...in the case of a LDR...eventually the goal is to be physically together..isnt it? Because if that isnt the goal then what kind of relationship do you have?..friendships can last forever, even if you dont share the same physical space..but if you are looking for a long term mate, then a LDR is an exercise in futility....
I had a brief "relationship" and it was always a fantasy because realistically speaking I wasnt moving to Canada and he wasnt moving to Argentina...distance DOES make a difference on these dating sites... |
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whas that peccy and some very gorgeous sweet girl? sorry i didnt read any of this.........but it said long distance.........so how do i get together with the beautiful and sweetest purplecat from Canada? i cant do this but i would love too..........
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So things might not work out with me and my Nigerian Princess. That E-mailed me the other day on here .now i am real sad
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Thank you Angel for posting this..........I think most people on here know our story and how Jon and I are 2,558 miles apart. I am in NY and he is in Idaho and how we are engaged because of JSH.
It is hard but there is total love and trust and commitment between us that we don't have to worry about the other. This month will be a year since the first time we met in person. I then spent Thanksgiving in Idaho and he came this way in March. I took my vacation week in July and visited him again. I am trying to get a transfer to a postal facility nearby his city because I have been with the P.O. for so many years I don't want to quit. But it will happen. Good luck to all who try. It's definitely worth it!! |
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