I asked a question. I neither chastised nor said I was offended. I wondered why it mattered so much, is all.

Fran explained it to me

listen.....we all make mistakes with comments.....i just put my foot in my mouth earlier with another post. and i do apologize for that......lets just forget the boo boos and all have a cup of coffee!

lov2fish, I like your pic. It speaks volumes and if I were 15-20 yrs younger....

Pic's are a dilema for me. I'm 58 yrs old, quite active and live life to the fullest. If I omit a picture/use avatar, some responders seem to assume at 58, I am fat, ugly, desperate; I have a "glamour" shot elsewhere and the majority are 70+ seeking eye candy & "companionship". Perhaps some are experimenting as I am?

Dont have a clue, mine is of me and my daughter, like it or not.

I guess its a trust issue... I apologize. I dont want to get involved with someone portraying themselves as something theyre not and Im sure that happens frequently.
Thanks for the replies

<---actual toilet paper I just bought......not some reasonable facsimile!!!

lol...

ThEy'Re WeIrD

hey.. I just noticed.. now your pointing at me.

Four pics with my face, three goofy pics, other pics of where I really live. Sometimes the pics add a little fun to the posted comment.

Maybe they are just tired of being grilled about pics in general.
I have been in on line communities for nearing 25 years and the photo thing has always been a hassle. Generally I think women get real tired of it fast but I have seen men equally frusterated; especially if they think they are not the "ideal". Sad because a photo is a blink in time. It sometimess seems like if your photo is more than a minute old there will be people who want something more "immediate".
Since most folks are not terribly comfortable about showing themselves, or their living environment, on web cam too the world and a certain stigma exists to those that do; I don't see that becoming really popular with the average person in open chat. Maybe; they certainly are not all that expensive if you are not looking for movie quality pictures. With all the recent publicity about abuses I doubt it. For security reasons I sure don't demand or recommend it. Even if you are VERY aware of what your camera is picking up and don't mind you are basiclly giving the world your image to do with what they wish. And in some circles that is sometimes pretty revolting "stuff" I wouldn't do it.
Maybe more so for women than men but both our looks change with hairstyle/color, with/without makeup, weight gain or loss, even wearing glasses or hats not to mention ageing in a relatively short time. Seemongly a lot faster after forty. Even when I have gone out and invested in expensive professional full length portraits and mixed in a number of current casual shots I have still gotten people who have issues about pictures. Are they current, are they retouched, is it really you? Has something been nipped /tucked? I wish you would have worn less or more or different clothes. I even got hassled for wearing a Stars and Stripes jacket on the Fourth of July. Someone who starts telling me what to show on a profile kind of creeps me out. Even more so in a date.
You didn't mention it but I could probably write a book on the comments about hair I have gotten alone. I can't count the number of times I have had strong reactions about my hair which has gone from very long to short several times and now more grey than brunette but that started in in my early teens so plenty of opinions there also.
Also I am really surprised how few man get how particular women are about their facial hair. Word to the wise guys the ones of us who LIKE any facial hair at all are VERY few and VERY far between. For me grooming has to be pretty good but I don't want a guy who spends more mirror time than I do.
I don't think it was necessarily posted that way but The issue that always surprises me is the folks that get really hostile about the fact that they post a photo and demand that others do like wise. Insisting that it is only "fair". There is nothing fair about dateing so forget fair. Also, in my humble opinion, "fair" is posting a photo when and of what you please. If anyone feels pressured into posting a less than their choice photo that STILL WAS their choice because they could have done less. Anyone Whineing about it or demanding a photo will often get you deleted as a crybaby or a bully. I don't have a lot of choices but the delete key is one that is really easy.
Statisticlly ANY photo may get you more "hits" than no photo but a bad photo or a photo that is percieved as having an "agenda" or a persona can get you deleted a lot. Ask for and independent review of how the picture is recieved. If your picture is suggesting and afiiliation or a cliche you may not see it. Example; I had a white headband on my long brunette hair and many thought I was a Catholic sister. Another time I had a tirade directed at me for being a "flameing liberal" because my casual shots showed a t-shirt with my dog and another a Habitat cap. LOL any of you that read what I write I am pretty traditional/conservatve.
Same goes for pictures with expensive toys, vehicals, or locations. While I have a few things and gone a few places I am not romping all over and not taking and entourage but you would be amazed at the "spam" you get if you look like you can put two nickles together. I don't mind shareing my toys but I do kind of resent the people who give me garbage for enjoying the ones I worked my buns off to pay for or think I am foolish enough to just hand them over for their pleasure and abuse.
I have mixed feelings about photos with "other's". I assume every one has at least a minimum of family and friends and even a pet so it is probably distracting to me for the initial contact but it is a way to get to know who someone is to see them in their life.
Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words when it shows a sustodial parent, or caregiver, a companion animal, a disability, or reveals a high risk or demanding profession but are they the first thousand words you would pick? I hesitate to recommend making any of those things as integral to who you are in an intial introduction unless you are just wanting to take those who have even marginal "issues" with any of those factors off your reponse list. As a women with reponsibilities I try to find a balance in what I project as what I can offer a new partner. At my age foot loose and fancy free as I am compared to those of you who have children still in the home, careers still in full tilt, and maybe more bills than I do I am still not drop of the hat going to chase down a new love a long drive away on a whim. I for one am not looking for a wide general audiance and lots of volume but more so a person of like background and current interests; wich I don't think is unique.
My hope is it doesn't make anyone feel devalue as a PERSON; just lets them know as a date we are not much of a match made in heaven.
I do think a person needs to be aware of the "placement" of "things" in their photo's. If you do not smoke or drink or only do so minimally you want to rethink the photo in the "bar". If you were are a responsible gun owner and sportsman you might want to tread lightly on the camo and weapons because once that association is made it is hard to separate you from the extream versions. If you have a lot of "stuff" like I do you probably don't want to show yourself in a minimalist foremat exclusively. Example I really like my garden so I show it. One thing I have found that surprized me as a widow is men seem to be very aware of jewlery. Even if yours is birthstone, the knock off, or one family heirloom if you don't want to look married and fooling around or mistaken for a gold digger take it off your fingers for photo's.
To me posting photo's that clearly do not depict your personality are really futile in the long run but cleaning up your act a little and making a "best effort" in a good head and shoulders shot usually passes as good attitude and a friendly hello in my book. Putting one fully standing hasn't seem to resolve the height weight being proportional issue so I gave up and load a few change them if something new comes in and for get it. I can't stress the importance of a smile enough in profiles I answer though. If you can't find one photo with a smile even if it isn't your best one I am going to have a hard time wanting to be around you. I don't want the class clown either but hey dateing is suppose to be fun and not with a stranger so I want to have a general idea of your appearance and interests.
I personally recommend stateing your height and weight rather than messing around with politically correct verbage that has various translations. That said most don't have a clue; even if their life was at risk to guess correctly or even with in a 25 pound range so if numbers are a hang up I have to wonder how tolerable that person is going to be in the long run and usually move on. In my family we start out thin, fill in, then fade in old age so what you see is defintiely going to change.
I have tried even showing up for first encounters in the same clothes and hairstyles as the posted photo's but I have consistently been told "you do not look like your photo" so I would tell people wait to see the real deal before drawing a conclusion. You might be very PLEASANTLY surprised
However "If" you have a fixed image of what and who you want in your mind it is however highly unlikely you will find it on-line. Pictures and words are just not going to give you the demension that human contact does.

holy crap thats way to long..

wow PS48 - tell us how you 'really' feel

wow.... give me a week to absorb all that!

Dang quote-a-holics.....dont ever put up a Brad Pitt pic,i did once and i kept getting "dump Angelina" emails.

There are a number of very valid reasons why someone may not want a pic of themselves on the internet. It is not always about self esteem, deceit or embarrassment. In small, gossipy communities it can be just as simple and honorable as protecting your children from teasing on the playground. I will not judge someone for it.

I don't care much for blue boxes, however, and feel one can always post a pic that shows something of their personality or nature. It's just friendlier.

Now you had to go and make things simple huh?

wtg No1s Happy Monday

I can understand that too... what I mean is posting a picture of another person and portraying it as them. Maybe I should have clarified it more. I wrote this post before I was fully awake..sorry

lov2fish - it can just be humorous, satire can be a multitude of reasons. which is why I suggest, just join the forums, get to know people, then when comfortable ask the person if they'd mind sharing a picture with you... does not have to be their default pic.

good luck