I wrote a lengthy profile ...I know...I've heard , but I wanted tell people about who I am and explain who I am seeking. I wanted to try to make myself and my search 'real' to others in the hopes of finding someone just right for me. The few people who have written with real interest seem to have done so either because I smoke (as they do) or because I am thin.

Was it a little naive of me to think that someone would write because they think they might like me and vice versa? Do you guys really read what we write? Or did I just put you to sleep ?

I read the profiles...I remember when you first joined! Maybe you just need to spend more time out here on the forums so people can get to know you better.

GOOD LUCK!

I read profiles. The more intelligent guys do, too (Just ask Lex Fonteyne and Aaronzdad)

Most just look at the pictures.

I read the profiles and best of luck on quiting smoking. its been just over 3 months for me

Yes,I like to read all the profiles and look at the pictures[instead of the blue box]Alot of the ladies are very pretty and the guys aren't bad looking.But why do the guys put up their pictures of their house/boat/car/bike/truck,do they think that is what we are after?I don't care what he has or doesn't have.I'm looking for what's on the inside.

Like my profile says, I'm not looking.

I still dream of what life might be like with a best-friend-partner. But in truth, I'm not willing to put any effort into trying to make that dream become reality.

In a very real sense I feel like the ship already went out to sea and to try to swim after it would be futile, and not worth the effort.

So that's where I'm at. I'm genuinely not looking.

I'm just dreaming. That's all. That's good enough for me.

Hey, at least I'm honest about it.

Abra- You promised that you would stop reading my diary!!

I feel the same way.

It’s nice to know that someone understands.

Recently I’ve been thinking about redoing my profile and making it look more ‘attractive’ and like I’m really interested in starting a relationship. And there are times during the day when I do feel that way.

I think I may have a touch of bi-polar disorder. Sometimes I feel like going out and conquering the entire universe. But then an hour later I might not even feel up to making a decent lunch so I just grab a bag of corn chips and fill up on those.

I do have energy problems, and this seemingly roller-coaster emotional thing where I’m feeling on top of the world one minute and then almost like pulling the plug the next moment. I have actually gone to the doctor about it and she put me on Wellbutrin for a while. The Wellbutrin did level everything out. No more highs and lows, instead I just felt like an emotionless zombie 100% of the time.

Actually that was good because at least I didn’t feel so suicidal anymore. Not that I think I would have actually acted on those feelings, but there were times when I wanted to shut life off so much that if I could have just pushed a button to make that happen I would have pushed it by now.

The only thing that keeps me going now is pure intellect. When I’m feeling almost desperately suicidal I just intellectually think to myself, “Tomorrow you’ll want to build a castle, so just hang in there!”

And sure enough it’s true. What seemed like an almost unbearable night to get through, vanishes the next day when I get up and feel like starting in on a brand new project.

I’m sooooo screwed up that it would be criminal to ask a woman to come into my life.

And I’m not likely to get better unless her presence itself would make things better. But how can I know that until I gamble with her life by asking her to become involved with me in the first place?

Oh, it’s all too much responsibility!

Where the hell is that ON/OFF Switch????

I don’t want to drag anyone else down into the abyss of melancholy madness.

Better off just leaving them alone.

Abra- my issues are different but I feel the same- it would be criminal to drag someone through my crap. (don't tell anyone)

We all come with a certain amount of OLD baggage/crap. Someone getting involved, either friend or more, just needs to accept our crap; as we accept theirs. I carry lots of old stuff, people still seem to like me. I try not to dwell on any of it, but something does come to the surface, once in awhile.

I read 'em, I just don't remember a whole lot

People seem to like me too,...

but then they don't have to live with me 24/7

Actually I don't grumpy or things like that. I just get tired.

Abra: have you checked your health lately? Tired is a symptom along with the rest of whats inside your head and heart.
I myself have been very alone in this wide world of ours but hell there is so much love out there for us. I can feel it and grasp it at times. And then it is fleetingly gone, but then I say.. girl, you had it once and you are so entitled and want to find someone again you go out there and let the world know you are out there and ready to love again and be loved.

IMO I think people post pictures of things they find interesting. I think it provides a bit of insight into thier personality and many are good for a chuckle. I like that about this site!

I don't know a lot about you yet but I think you are cool.Give yourself a break you are allowed to get tired and grumpy true friends understand. Sending you good vibs.

Well you sound interesting & approachable to me...and a very nice person too.

I'm sure people read profiles...I do.

BTW...you can quit. I used lasar therapy... one session is all you need. It's been two years...not even a puff.

...also...try quitnet.com It's online support for smokers. the cool thing is you put in your quit date & they tally how much money you saved. Cool... Best wishes in your endeaver.

I read/look at the profiles. I also check out if the person(men) are smokers, because I smoke. Most non-smokers "reject" smokers. If I am generalizing too much let me know.

It has nothing to do with rejection so much as the fact that the fit would be wrong. I don't want anyone smoking in my house or yard, I don't want to smell it, I don't want to kiss someone who has been smoking

It would make for a difficult relationship, ya think?

totally get it!!! It is so hard for me because I just can't quit yet!!!! Time will be coming!!!

Wife smoked & so did I, doc operated on my shoulder,woke up from anesthia, can't stand to smoke.
Still the smell of smoke in a ladies hair, brings me good memories. Point of enjoyment.