Ok, so I posted before about the problems I am having with my son. Behavior wise. Respect wise, and learning personal boundaries. So, We have been looking to put him in Military School and if not that then a Summer Program. This program is specifically designed for kids with his behaviors and respect issues. I have not heard back from the place yet and planned on following up Monday morning. Here's the thing. I was talking to my twin sister about it. And she calls me this morning. She has a alternative that she wants me to think about and I just am not sure about it. So I'm asking for your opinions.

She wants me to let Jon finish out the school year here. Then send him to her place for the summer and the next school year. My sister and her husband and 3 boys are wonderful and the perfect family. They do everything together. Their kids are all in sports and band, all kinds of after school activities. Both Sherri and Scott are fantastic parents and their children are very wello behaved, very academically motivated and athletic. She seems to think that having Jon there will let her and her hubby work on his problems. This was a fantastic thing for her to offer to do. However. I'm having problems thinking about my child being away from me for a whole year. She lives about 2 hours from here and if they get him into sports ( which he does here at home ) Then weekends he wouldnt even be able to come home because he would have obligations to the team he plays for. AND! Regardless of the problems that I have with his behavior he's still my son and I would miss him terribly. On the other hand, They have an excellent school where my sister lives. Jonathon does very well academically here. Honor or Merit roll here almost every quarter. Thats not the problem that I have with him.
So, anyhow... If ya have an opinion I would like to hear it. I'm tossing it this way and that way and my feeling is that I dont want my baby away from me but that it is a great school. And he would have a fantastic male role model. I have to talk to my sons father first as well and we'd have to jointly make that decision. He may not be the best role model for my son but he IS his father and does have the right to help make decisions of that magnitude.

how about talking to your son first and see what he thinks.....

I'd much rather have my son with family, that truly loved him and wanted whats best for him, then strangers trying to prove themselves in thier job duties

My opinion is that removing him from your home does not fix the issues that you have. It will simply be a different environment for your son.

You cannot address or solve an issue if he is not there.

It was, I'm sure, a kind hearted offer but does not speak to the root of the problem.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Let him go. I am a single parent of four. My 15 yr old son was doing terrible in school, failing every single class. Terrible attitude. He moved with my sister two hours away four months ago. He is already pulling A's and B's and also has a part time job. His attitude is much better. I miss him terribly but I know he is doing better. I talk with him on the phone and instant messenger frequently. I think the difference in our case is that with me it's city life and there it's country life. Anyway the move has made a tremendous change in my son.

I agree. I just also feel that somehow I am failing to do the right thing by him. It's HARD being a parent and making the difficult choice. I also feel that he might do fantastic while there but then the problems are still going to be there when he comes home.

I'll figure it out. I normally do. Thanks everyone

and still nobody cares what he thinks about it.....

how good do you think it will be for him if he doesn;t want to go?make him worse? probably. cause more problems? probably

then again he might be all for it and it would really do him some good. maybe he just needs a change of scenery.



secondly sending a child to military school and summer programs isn;t always the answer. when a child acts up like that it's for a reason and it won't change till the problem is solved, so maybe you should just sit down and talk to him and maybe find out what the problem is.....

Actually, I DO care what he thinks about it. I've CARED for his whole life.. I've talked with him. I've talked to counselors with him. I've tried everything I can think of. Yes, I know there are problems and he has talked to me. And no matter what changes I make or how I try to please him. It doesn't work. I think there comes a time when actions speak louder than words. I've never before sent one of my kids away. And I hesitate to do so now. It goes against the grain.
As for how he would feel about it? He would absolutely love it to be honest. He is very close to both my sister and her husband. I'm not insensitive to my kids. Or their wants and needs. So to my way of thinking which is also part of why I posted this. He would think that he's being rewarded or on vacation.

Thanks though for your advice.

i didn;t mean you were insenstive, but most people don;t tend to realy consider the kids point of view, it's just do as i say and that it. and it may not be something you can help really by trying to make him happy, maybe he's got some problems at school that could be remedied by switching to a different school. maybe he's got girl problems, maybe he's being bullied, who knows... couldn;t hurt just to sit down and have a nice long talk about it and ask him what he thinks might do the trick for him...


but then again every parent knows there's times when you got to let them go regardless of how you feel about it cuz you know it's whats best for them. maybe sending him to your sisters is one of those times.....

Since you asked, here's my 2 cents worth....

You have three options:

1. Keep things as they are
2. Send him to camp/military school
3. Send him to live with your sister

One definition of insanity is: to repeat the same behavior and expect a different outcome. There goes option #1, which you have already figured out.

Option #2 is a viable alternative. There he will learn discipline and how to work and deal with others. But personally I would make this the third option.

Option #3 is a rare and generous offer from your sister. I understand the distance factor, I drive 2 hours daily just to get to work and back home. I do it for my kids, to provide for them and give to them the best opportunities possible. But remember, this is not about you, its about your son. What are the pros and cons for his life and his future? The drive is a hardship, and is it worth the sacrifice? You'll have to determine that for yourself. My opinion, yes - it would be worth it (based on the info you have provided).

My one last suggestion, I would think it beneficial if all of you - your sister and her family (kids included), and your son sat down and talked this through. If everyone is not onboard and working for the same goal, then the situation is doomed from the start.

Best of luck to you and your son.

This is just an opinion.. based on what you have offered in regards to your situation.


Children not only need boundaries consequence and discipline....they need appropriate role models.

After reading your other thread it sounds like he(your son) is being taught to act out by his father....again based solely on what you have shared in the forum.

Placing him in a situation where he has consistent positive role models may help...but then again it could only serve as a "band aid" to the situation..and as soon as he comes back all of the same issues could resurface.


I spent 10+ years as a crisis facilitator to behaviorally disordered adolescents...and in my experience the only thing that really works is to earn the child's respect and trust...and then allow them the safety and freedom to really discuss what they are feeling.

I would highly recommend family therapy with a qualified therapist.

Placeing a child out of the home has a lasting impact on the child and EVERY member of the family so I would try almost anything before I resorted to this extream option.

Placeing your son with his Aunt and Uncle will change that relationship radically. Maybe for the better but my guess it will definitely change many relationships. If it goes well are you really going to be able to handle the result or will you resent your sister not to mention how his cousins and siblings are going to feel about this? I have seen this solution fail to solve the problem and create many many new ones. Second failure in the family is emotionally devistating for a child, Can you imagine how you would feel to loose yor father to divorce then be abandoned (sorry even if he says it is his idea abandonment is still how it feels deep down, by your Motther and siblings. THEN to fail in a beloved Aunt's home? That is basicly loooseing his entire genetic family.

I have serious reservations about a militory school being a solution for a child with problems. It is hard enough for kids who understand the culture and are doing it by choice. I think it is a joke as a theraputic environment.

What about the hapy medium of incorporateing more of your sister's sucessful parenting skills in your home? It is not just having a "Dad"-like role model that is making her sucessful. Go over hang out and take notes.

If you need to let your son hang out a LOT with this aunt and Uncle that is ok but I think you may loose custody of your child doing what you are planning. Most states require that the child actually live a certain numbr of hours or days in hi own home or it is considere abandonment and your Ex could step in and take custody. If he is a "Zero" you can count on him trying it.

Depeding on his age becomeing a family gypsey you may be setting yourself up to be a run away.

I have to tell you that there are some major deficiencies in these residence programs not the least of which is constant access to cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, pornography, extreamly violent DVD's and video games, sex, and weapons. You could get a kid back with more problems than he went in with.

What no one is telling you is it will also bankrupt you because while they are not watching him and he commits a crime you are still liable for the expense.

f you are talked into signing an out of control petion YOU HAVE NO PARENTAL RIGHTS but you will pay child support to the state until the bill is paid which could be some time in yor 80's. He will ultimately be sind into a foster home and then signed into the military. They get around his problems by sealing his Pediactric records until he hurts himself or someone else then they put him in a military prison or chapter him out on a mental or other dishonorable to a public shelter system if not a state hospital. ALL of this without telling you where he is.
Yes insurance pays some of theis but it will not pay enough. Unless you believe he is magiclly well the same day his insurance runs out. The worst part of that is then they have the documentation to denie you any further services.

Placeing a child out of the home has a lasting impact on the child and EVERY member of the family so I would try almost anything before I resorted to this extream option.

Placeing your son with his Aunt and Uncle will change that relationship radically. Maybe for the better but my guess it will definitely change many relationships. If it goes well are you really going to be able to handle the result or will you resent your sister not to mention how his cousins and siblings are going to feel about this? I have seen this solution fail to solve the problem and create many many new ones. Second failure in the family is emotionally devistating for a child, Can you imagine how you would feel to loose yor father to divorce then be abandoned (sorry even if he says it is his idea abandonment is still how it feels deep down, by your Motther and siblings. THEN to fail in a beloved Aunt's home? That is basicly loooseing his entire genetic family.

I have serious reservations about a militory school being a solution for a child with problems. It is hard enough for kids who understand the culture and are doing it by choice. I think it is a joke as a theraputic environment.

What about the hapy medium of incorporateing more of your sister's sucessful parenting skills in your home? It is not just having a "Dad"-like role model that is making her sucessful. Go over hang out and take notes.

If you need to let your son hang out a LOT with this aunt and Uncle that is ok but I think you may loose custody of your child doing what you are planning. Most states require that the child actually live a certain numbr of hours or days in hi own home or it is considere abandonment and your Ex could step in and take custody. If he is a "Zero" you can count on him trying it.

Depeding on his age becomeing a family gypsey you may be setting yourself up to be a run away.

I have to tell you that there are some major deficiencies in these residence programs not the least of which is constant access to cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, pornography, extreamly violent DVD's and video games, sex, and weapons. You could get a kid back with more problems than he went in with.

What no one is telling you is it will also bankrupt you because while they are not watching him and he commits a crime you are still liable for the expense.

f you are talked into signing an out of control petion YOU HAVE NO PARENTAL RIGHTS but you will pay child support to the state until the bill is paid which could be some time in yor 80's. He will ultimately be sind into a foster home and then signed into the military. They get around his problems by sealing his Pediactric records until he hurts himself or someone else then they put him in a military prison or chapter him out on a mental or other dishonorable to a public shelter system if not a state hospital. ALL of this without telling you where he is.
Yes insurance pays some of theis but it will not pay enough. Unless you believe he is magiclly well the same day his insurance runs out. The worst part of that is then they have the documentation to denie you any further services.

Sorry about the double post. If you have any questions about what I have said I will be glad to respond to a personal email.

Thank you all for your advice. I have decided against sending him to my sisters and after reading some of the other information I have also decided to try the therapy route again. Maybe a different therapist is in order. I'm not sure. But I do know that I am just not comfortable sending my son away. Even to my sisters house.

I to am having some of the same issues and i happened to talk to a woman who's son has issues similar to mine.In fact our sons are in the same grade and school.Anyway she has referred me to a great family therapist and a child psychiatrist to try.I think you need to find the right therapist for you and your son to work out the issues.I to feel the father is causing the acting out because kids tend to express themselves with the parent they feel most comfortable with.all of you should go to family therapy with a licensed counselor and get a diagnosis from an child psychiatrist to rule out any mental illness.If the ex wont attend you still need to go and work this thru with your child.Good luck and prayers to you.
Don't send him away,he needs you more than ever even if it seems he doesn't.my prayers go out to you..