I received a letter yesterday from the Child Support Agency here with a statement of how they measured care....(projected child support for 2008/9)

Which is kind of hilarious....


Lee (me)....care of children ...100%

financial support of children ...100%


Kev (father)...care of children ...0%

Financial support of children ...0%



That got me wondering.... how does someone measure care?

How does some computer programme know how much someone cares for another?

(and before you point out PRACTICAL care... I know what they meant)


So I wrote to the Child Support Agency this morning and asked them for the programme they use, to measure how much someone cares for another...

and that I think they got it wrong...

Time and money are only a portion of caring for another...

and the rest is immeasurable.

It's measured like fluid, you know tablespoons and teaspoons...and then there is the gallon, phew don't get me started with the gallon...

Actually looking at the letter now, it says...

"Lee... percentage of care....100%

Kev...percentage of care....0%"

How does he get away with 0%

he left the country, never to be seen or heard from again....


And because I don't have a desire to force my projected 'rights' on another...

if he chose care of his kids, he would have some care of his kids....

if he chose not to, he would not.


pretty simple really.

They were measuring financially. If they are wrong, straighten them out. Any receipts, bank statements, checks, etc. you can produce would probably help your case here.

No No No !!!


You are looking at it from a practical sense...

I have had sole care and responsibility for these four kids who call me Mum, for over 9 years....


I don't have a qualm with child support from their father...


I want to know ,

How does someone measure care...?

Yeah,....simply rotten! For the kids sake....

More than likely on a basis of experience. Which is null and void if they in fact don't have kids of their own.

yeah possibly Jim.... it has had moments of lumpiness for them, in their worlds as they have grown...

However I am of the philosophy that nothing is set in stone.... the only constant is change.


Who wants a begrudging parent, going through the motions, absent of connection and engagement with you?

I don't... their Dad didn't want to...

And certainly these incredibly astute people called my kids, didn't either...

better to alllow someone the space to discover exactly what it is they require in life... than 'bind' them to an obligation.


I share with my children, my feelings on parents...


that in Life, they shall have many mothers, many fathers...

in many forms...


They chose to come through their biological parents.... but they shall be parented by many in their lifetimes.

So how does someone know they care for another?


I hear it all the time...

"because I care for you..."


How do you measure that?

"care" for someone is measured in smiles, laughter and tears, IMAO. Money really does not enter into true caring.

actually this IS measurable and is measured by
the tangible things that are done and not done
in any relationship. although money is only one
of the measurable quantities. it is the most
fungible. but anything that shows love can be
examined...or the lack thereof.

picking a subset of representative measures may
be shown to produce a reasonable picture in an
average sense but will always fail in any particular
measurement. this is the province of statistics.

ask a lawyer how they determine how much a leg
is worth. or an eye. they can give you a number
which is not without meaning.

measurement. the devil says, is my necessary evil!

you want fries with that?

Can I have a mango smoothy instead?

You measure care by what you do and what you say. You measure care by what you do and what you say every day. You measure care by talking to every child at least 10 minutes every day.

You measure care by saying hello in the morning and goodbye when they leave.

You measure care by showing respect for them and for insisting they show respect to you every day. You measure respect by telling them there is no excuse for abuse if they back talk or curse at you and by telling them, we'll talk when you can talk to me nicely, when they throw a fit.

You measure care by how you prepare them for the future, by the choices you give them and by the way you teach them that actions produce consequences and results.

You measure care by backing up their teachers and other authority figures. The kids'll try to get you to take their side. Don't fall for it.

You measure care by reading Love and Logic books or, if you want to spend $500, by listening to the Total Transformation program and perhaps transcribing the CDs so you know what's being talked about.

You measure care by the support you give the kids by being part of a natural family and being a part of a church family. You measure support by visiting Aunts and Unclwes and cousins and Grand Parents with the children at least once a month and maybe more if they're close. We used to eat Sunday dinner at my paternal Grandma's house every Sunday after church.

You measure care by taking the kids to church every Sunday. Sunday school teaches them reverence for the Bible, teaches them right from wrong and socializes them. And you can take them to church if they want to or because they have to.

You measure care by watching wholesome television with them and by talking about what you see and how to chose the right kind of TV to watch, the right types of books and magazines to read, and the right kind of music to listen to.

You measure care by getting them music lessons and instruments.

You measure care by getting them toys and bicycles. Can be used bikes. Can be a cardboard box. Give 'em something.

You measure care by teaching them to ride a two wheeler and by teaching them how to drive.

You measure care by telling them drive alone, noopne in the car for the first year or two and by insisting they buckle up. Teach that by example. Make it a habit.

You measure care by talking to them about smoking, drinking and drug use from six and up and by setting a good example.

You measure care by telling the, "We do not curse at our mother."

You measure care by reading books and the Bible to the children, by celebrating holidays, by creating family traditions. You measure care by buying books for them when they are young so they learn reverence for books and learn to love reading. You might get reader's digest because the short articles are easy for kids to read.

You measure care by having family meal times together, if not daily, at least once a week, when you can and by talking to your family during the meals. What did you like about school today? What did you dislike? What did you like about today? What did you dislike? Here's what I did today. Here's what I learned.

You measure care by teaching them I can learn things from you and you can learn things from me. You measure care by telling them times change, people grow and people who grow change.

You measure care by supporting, clothing, transporting, cleaning and feeding them. You measure care by taking care of them when they're sick.

You measure care by playing catch with them, by walking with them, by going to the beach, going for ice cream, making food with them, nailing boards with them, painting with them, sanding with them, patching holes with them, teaching them to swim and climb a tree. Teaching them to sew, to change a tire, to check oil and water, teaching them to pump gas, to balance a check book, teaching them how to handle credit and to avoid credit traps. By teaching them to save, by giving them an allowance and teaching them money is finite by refusing to give them more.

You measure care by adjusting their bed time if their grades are OK. If the grades suffer, the bed time goes back an hour until they prove they can handle it.

You measure care by praying for them daily, by crying over them, by laughing with them, by sharing with them and talking with them and loving them.

You measure care by changing the car and ignition locks if they start stealing your car. By calling the cops if they ignore your orders to stop drinking, smoking pot, or hitting you.

It ain't easy, but you can measure your care. The kids notice. God notices. Pray for them. Cry for them. They will listen and you will be blessed.

GS

Wow!



So just allowing them to be that which they are, is not caring for them?

You mean I dont care, because we have no church, no god, no guilt,


just respect for the pureness of their spirit, and their capacity for love?


Jeepers...

where's my mango smoothy?


But seriously, thankyou for showing, what you all see as 'caring', and how you measure it.

IMO, the computer go it right. If he doesn't care enough to provide atleast some kind of financial support, he doesn't really care.

I'm in no position (financially) to care for a child, I can barely care for myself, but I know I sure as hell would be giving all I could for that child.

JMO

no church doesn't mean you don't care. Means you don't take them to church. I wish I'd took my wife to church and the kids who lived with us to church while they were here. The kids are going now and are doing much better.

Mango smoothy's over on the counter there.

What a great question. I think care can be measured by what you give freely and what you sacrifice from the heart. Care is when what happens to those you love matters.

Wow. This is a really tough quesstion to put in words!

Thier is no Measure,,, No Yard Stick,,,

Care runs through the Soul, Entertwining the Body, Soul and
Mind,,, It is not felt, given or received through Material objects
Yet seen through the Eye,,, Felt deep within the Core of our
being,,,

Care is Acceptance & Forgiveness,,, Loving,, Kind,, Care is Measured through each breath we take as a whole,, Each hand entended to the other,, Each smile received with Humility,,,,

Care is the essence of the being,,,, The Shell of the Soul,,,