Sorry you are having a hard time. I understand the feeling of lose. Mine really is more trying to find peace in a midst of those around me who just can't be real. Kinda like lets keep her constantly stressed to see how much she can take but I know someday soon I will meet someone who accepts me for who I am and it is not really about your x but maybe more like just feeling incomplete alone. Some people were meant to be around people who are respectful of their feelings and just want to have fun and laugh. Life is short but if things get to much in the environment then it is time to find a new one. I wish you well.