Hi Marsha -

It's not that it wasn't enough. It could be that sometimes people don't know what they want. So don't take that on yourself. You seem like a wonderful person, and your picture is very beautiful. It's his loss.

There are also times when people realize they blew it. When people realize they lost something good, when they lost a true love. Sometimes they may realize too late.

I try to remember that if someone doesn't want to be in your life, they were not suppose to be. God didn't mean them to be. Some people are in your life for only a season. Some people are in your life for the long haul.

I was once where you are now. I fell so deeply in love, and the man just didn't spend the time together much. He didn't spend the kinds of time together required to hold a good relationship together. So the relationship died of attrition; and I realized I had to move on, no matter how much I wanted it to work. In the long run, it was best to move on, and move on with my life.

If I would have continued to hold on, then I would not be free for opportunity to date and meet someone who would be a good or better match for me, and turn into a good, flourishing relationship.

You're doing good in thinking positive. God has better for us. Someone who will love us as Christ loves the church. Keep your focus on God.

.....for a good Christian man with good morals and good values. I also sing in church (singing ministry/praise team), so if you would like to share any kind of ministry together that would be great too :-)

To me a good relationship is where both people never stop trying. And as long as we’re missing eachother and looking forward to the next time we can be together, that’s a good thing!

Don’t be clingy or needy and complain about times we can not be together, because life is busy! This is also why couples plan date nights! LOL ! :)

Just look forward to and appreciate the time we can be together. And be faithful until those times. Be there for eachother through thick and thin, good and bad.

Interested in meeting someone who is:
Age range: 49 through 59
Either Hispanic or Caucasian
A NON-smoker
Social/occasional drinking OK with me, but not more than that
Local, Houston, Texas ONLY. (Not interested in anything long distance)
Stable financially, mentally, and emotionally
And definitely Single and UN-attached

Interested in someone who has the time and is available for dating, spending time together, doing activities together and talking getting to know eachother, hoping that it will lead to something long-term and meaningful. Someone who wants to make the time for this, and to grow, develop, and nurture a good relationship. Interested in someone who is especially available on weekends, (especially Saturday evenings), who works days, not nights; and has weekends off (Saturdays’ and Sundays’ off work). This way we have similar work schedules, and will have time for eachother for this. Like if one person works nights and the other works days, they will hardly be able to see eachother and spend time together. I work days, and have Saturdays’ and Sundays’ off work also.

Seek me out, look forward to seeing eachother and getting together.

If you have a harley, that’s a plus ;-) (but not required lol)

TOO CUTE TOO FUNNY .... OK I AM ADOPTING THIS GUY ... HE KEEPS ME LAUGHING LOL

You can try to be there and hold the hand and all that ... for a while too, if you like. It's your decision. But also be careful and take care of your own heart too, and don't let your emotions be toyed with.

You do believe it lol

sounds like you made a good healthy decision for yourself, and to take care of your heart, - to move on.

LOL

LOL - good outlook ... funny too ... I love your sense of humor

There have also been quite several good books, written from Lisenced Professional Counselors on the subject of people afraid to love. It is an issue all it's own a well.

There are even also different methods of therapy the counselors use for this. One method is desensitization, as is other methods, as discussed in some of these books as well. There is indeed data on this stuff. Feel free to take it upon yourself to find the data through starting with googling. If you like, read up on it. That's also up to you too. Desensitization is used with a hierarchy. The goal of it is to shrink anxiety through a process of continuous confrontation & positive reinforcement. Working with the therapist, the patient is instructed to imagine each of these scenarios, one at a time, in order of increasing fearfulness. For a person who has these kinds of fears, their relationship hierarchy, going from least frightening to most frightening, might look something like this:

In this example, let��s use a man. Women have these kinds of fears too. This is just for a simple example.

Being introduced to a woman
Asking a woman out for the first time
Going on a first date
Having several dates with the same woman
Sleeping with a woman
Having a monogamous relationship
Living together
Getting engaged
Getting married
Having a family

kind of similar situation I know of dear. The woman cheated on the man ... they had been together for a lot of years ... and had children together. Then she cheated. He was deeply in love with her ... and still to this day, many years later, he's afraid of disappointing someone he dates and is also afraid to love and let love in again. Once he starts getting too close and happy with someone, he starts that backing away, disconnecting, distancing, withdrawing/withdrawal.

This is a wonderful airing out. Yes, although it is off topic a bit, this comes across as you kind of feel almost unworthy of love? When you say "you fear you will let them down". Don't fear that, just move forward. Sometimes people let eachother down unknowingly and unintentionally. The thing to do for that is to talk through to understanding, and keep going and growing in the relationship, trying your best, both people. But if you just pull away because you feel you will disappoint someone, then your cutting yourself, and your partner short.

I wouldn't say people are closed minded darling lol ... you have a good post here too.

But I also do think or view that there are some who are debating the very topic, rather than allowing it to be a place of support for people who may have really actually gone through an experience with someone who is afraid to love, which is the topic of the thread.

EXACLTY.

This is your view. Ok, your view is accepted. But please be careful about "debating" views, or putting down anyone's views. Your view does not count out other views, and that fact that this is also a true phobia. Yes, someone can be into you or not into you. That is a totally different subject. Your view is respected as well. But also, people also have different views. The fact that the subject you're bringing up, is a totally different subject/topic than this one is clear also. In differentiating between the two, there can also be people who are very into another person, and they are afraid of that also, which goes along with the topic of this thread. It is a true phobia.

too cute.. you have nothing to say? lol

Great post regularfeller. Mostly agreed. We of course may not want to take that road of going through therapy with someone who has this phobia. Don't try to fix someone also. It is your decision whether you want to take part in being there for support, working through this with someone, who has this kind of phobia. That would be a long road, and a hard one, with continual withdrawal by the person who has this issue. It of course would be better to just be available to get involved with someone who does not have this fear, and is emotionally healthy and available for a relationship, therefore. Don't expect a person who has this kind of fear to be emotionally there for you. And things like this are not fixed over night, of course.

A lot of times a person can have this kind of fear, and not even realize it also. It is a tendency, for a person who has this fear, to not even want to talk about it. The reason for that is because they know, to talk about it, is to try and work things out, work things through. And they don't want to work things out. Because they are afraid of closeness and love.

*******************************************************
Here is the topic: Let��s start over:

A great topic to discuss views on. It is very true that some people are afraid to love and be loved. It's as almost love and loving feelings result in them feeling Claustrophobic. Deep down inside they want love, but also they are afraid of it. It's a conflict inside. Sometimes it stems from being hurt badly in the past by someone they may have been deeply in love with. They let that affect them, and don't look forward to happy, healthy relationships in their future, after some healing time.

Then what happens in the cycle is, because of their past - they look at someone else in their future, with jaded eyes, or through jaded eyes - thinking and/or judging that their past hurts might repeat itself. When in reality, that other someone in their future is a wonderful person, who they could have a great relationship with, healthy and happy. This also keeps them from moving forward. This jeopardizes them from having a great relationship in the future.

Love is letting go of fear. Fear and love can not exist together.

The cycle involves people loving people who can not love back. They back away from love. When things start feeling too close, and happy, they back away, because it triggers the fear in them. And only when they've had some time away, does the fear then subside. And then only once the fear subsides, do they start missing the person again, and wanting to be together again. Then the cycle starts over again. At the fear stage, all they can think about is to get away, distance themselves, because of the fear. Once the fear subsides, after they've had some time/space apart, is the only time they can feel the loving and missing feelings again.

Sometimes the reason they're afraid of closeness and love, is because for some reason, it results in them feeling trapped in some kind of way. And they just have difficulty moving forward in relationships.

Some may overcome their fears, but some may never be able to, regardless of the circumstances. This is a real phobia, which actually needs professional therapy/counseling to overcome. Furthermore, this is a problem that can only be solved by getting inside the minds and exposing it. Similar principle to an alcoholic problem. Only once you realize it within yourself, and admit it to yourself, and recognize that you might have this problem, is the first big step to solving the problem. Otherwise, you will just continually push people and love away. Understanding the problem is the first key. With this insight, you will have the tools you need to know what is happening, and take control of your life, and the life of your relationships. Then, and only then, will you be capable, of having the kind of love you need and deserve.

Let's discuss

Beauty Brown Eyes

I like this. It also makes a lot of sense. It's like describe a typical routine day, sharing it with someone you love.

Park bench delight. A stroll in the park in the evening. A trail leads off from the park, back into the woods, where there is a secluded bench. Dark, hidden in the trees in the evening. Sit on that bench in that particularly dark corner. Lift up long, full skirt, (under which nothing is worn; oooooo feels so cool & breezy & sexy under there). Woman crouches over man's lap, opens his jeans, and mounts him, sitting on his lap. The darkness and her billowing skirt keeps the activities a thrilling secret. The flowing long skirt drapes over their laps & down their legs a little bit, hiding their activities

too funny toooo cuuuute!