Yeah, I am sarcastic but I wish I could write like that.

** This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products.
She really gets rolling after the first paragraph.
Apparently, it's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter. **




Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jenifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to
the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you ****ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bull ****. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons

My father was diagnosed then passed away in three weeks. We gathered our strength in knowing that he didn't suffer for a long time. I hope you can find strength in places where you least expect it.

Maybe because everyone runs around here with their heads off or we live in a boring state.

These "nice guys" are trying too hard to impress someone. Just forget all this dating stuff you were suppose to learn and just type what pops into your head. Sooner or later someone will catch and like the gist of your personality.

Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his
ashes home.Picking up the urn he was in, she poured him out onto the patio
table.

Then tracing her fingers in the ashes,She started talking to him.'Herman,
you know that dishwasher you promised me?I bought it with the insurance
money!'She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the Ashes then said.

'Herman, remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with
the
insurance money!'Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracingHer
fingers in the ashes she said.
'Herman, that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the
insurance money!'Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she
said. 'Herman, remember that blow job l promised you?' 'Get ready,
here it
comes....'

how do you stop them messaging you

First-year students at the UC Davis Vet school were receiving
their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered
with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them,
'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important
qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by
anything involving the animal body' For an example, the Professor
pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow,
withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.

'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students. The students
freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took
turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and
sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The
second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle
finger and sucked on my index finger.' 'Now learn to pay attention.
Life's tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid.'

Just heard them, very good and sarcastic to boot. Check out on you tube

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It 'In.'

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Smuggling Diamonds'

7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy.'

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go.'

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won!, I Won!'

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling
'Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!'

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner.'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

Are they more cynical in there?

I only have two more weeks then it is to the 50 thread

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of
>impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite ravioli
>wafting up the stairs.
>
>He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
>
>
>Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
>
>When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he leaned against the door frame
>, g20azing into the kitchen, where if not for death's agony, he would have
>thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper
>on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite ravioli.
>
>
>
>Was it heave n? Or was it one final act of love from his w ife of sixty
>years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
>
>He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled
>posture.
>His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the ravioli was already in
>his mouth.
>
>
>With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly
>he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.
>'F**K off!' she said.
>'Those are for the funeral