LOVE this reply, spot on!!!

The one point you make, that I'd single out "If you cannot get over something and recover then for crissake stay single ...."

This is a matter of confronting fear of rejection, fear of loss and inadequacy.

In stead of facing my fears and learning where I was wrong, I avoided or rejected anyone that I perceived as "dangerous", I lived an isolated life for many years rather than take a hard look at myself and my mistakes.

I had to grow up.

I'm sure you figured it out that I went after the "hard to get" types, girls that sought sexual attention for immediate gratification and little more.

Bonnie and I joke about them, I call them the "Twerkers", women with nothing on their profiles, and pics with them puckering, displaying their wares in tight Yoga pants and half shirts...

That gets my attention for about ten seconds, meanwhile, I'm fixated with her on Zoom for hours on end, she wears no makeup, she's so amazingly beautiful.

I seriously hope he wins, he's a good man, the current president is nuts.

Mike, not at all sure how you figured that out, please, keep it between us though, k?

If you don't know, there's a #4 coming soon, Keanu's in it...

LOL, starting to love this place.

Bonnie Bonnie Bonnie

And, in the event there's any doubt - Bonnie

Unnecessary defensiveness

Wonder is she's as excited as I am

Indeed, we're all susceptible to patterns, but -

I learned decades ago that resigning to the broad-sweeping notion that most women were lying cheaters like my ex, cost me dearly, lost time, lost happiness, lost quality of life.

If I were dating a gal that flirted, or looked, to me it was a sure sign she was a cheater, when in fact those things are normal, even healthy if there's no secrecy about it.

From there, it was on me to "get over it", to stop projecting distrust or paranoia onto other women who had no fault, I owed it to myself to eliminate that tunnel vision, but yes, keep guard on the "type" of girl I approached.

I had a fetish for self-obsessed "head cases" solely based on sexual/physical attraction, that was my mistake, but my greatest mistake was allowing that type woman to cloud my vision overall.

"It's not unusual to be loved by anyone
It's not unusual to have fun with anyone
But when I see you hanging about with anyone
It's not unusual to see me cry..."

Interesting topic -

Recent events, causing me to "arise" from a previously homebound lifestyle after many years, have given me food for thought that maybe it's sometimes better to be alone than to seek company for the sake thereof.

Quality, not quantity, feeling alone or lonely might just be an illusion you allow yourself based on the perception that your choices are limited.

You are who you surround yourself with, make sure those around you impress you for any of a variety of reasons, just be sure you're not just around people solely to not be alone.

LMAO, no, you're not..

Welcome to the forum, I peeked at your profile, gat a laugh @ "I'm Broke!! Don't ask me for Money or Apple card".

Stick here in the forum, obviously you know to be discerning with the messages, these guys are a silly, but good group.

Wondering, maybe 8 hours on Zoom might be enough? ..Anxious to experiment!

Work, getting positive feedback on quality
7 hours on Zoom with Bonnie, neither of us wanting to go...
Plans, plans, exciting plans!

discerning

When I was 17, my best friend had just gotten his license.

We were out for a drive, he was distracted and we were headed for a phone pole, my heart was pounding, I was yelling at him, finally at the last second I grab the wheel and veer us away.

A few seconds later, he's yelling at me, frantically trying to rip my frozen hands off the wheel, we were headed for another pole on the opposite side.

I was so shaken up that my reaction was the opposite and equal danger, that was my first lesson on this topic.

Very often we experience something traumatic, we seek self preservation, to avoid it from happening again, and we forget to let go, that "one direction" isn't a cure all.


We're jaded by past experiences, broken marriages, deceased spouses, you name it, but what we need to remember is that while we might have had a bad experience in the past under one set of circumstances, it does NOT mean the next circumstance will be the same.


I had an experience in my early 20's with a fiancé that cheated, for 10 years I treated all women like they were going to cheat, I was insecure, guarded, and possessive, all because I'd subconsciously assumed she was the bellwether, until I finally learned she was the outlier not the norm.


If you've been hurt in the past, yes, be careful, but also be sure to let go of the wheel and straighten direction once the car's back on the road.

Thinking, yep, "EEyore"

LOL, we love you guys, especially you n' Mike with your endless tenacity!

I did move for love, 17 years ago I made a decision to move to another state to allow her to be near family when moving in together, it was more scary for her, I had no real ties geographically, so it wasn't a huge sacrifice

She passed in 2020, and I would not have done it differently for the fact that she gave me 17 wonderful years, but we each have circumstances, variables that make the decision more or less difficult.