Kids by MGMT. Very catchy stuff.

Hi, I'm Justus. This is a poem I wrote a couple weeks ago about (ironically) online romance:


A sea of pixels prods my senses,
floods me with electricity, and
licks my midnight mind while

Heartbeats is hammered into
my chest.

A picture flits and flirts
on the outskirts of sine waves:
a fragile female frame
soaked in a sacred honey-dew
of youth and human
meat.

My fingers exchange pleasantries,
with "It's a secret to everybody,"
and "I'm a hundred miles
away."

Thrown under a wave
of Arial and personal plot,
I ascend towards an unknown spot
where the water in my mind
rushes out, only to be
caught by the four
walls of my room.

On the ground,
human voices echo
and I drown.

Anytime.

It would take some maneuvering, but I think the line break would work especially well if it came between words in the acrostic, accentuating the 'Risk This'.

Either way, I like it as is. That's just something to consider if you want to mess around with it more.

As Paul Valery said, "A poem is never finished, only abandoned."

Good work, the acrostic really adds to the poem and brings it life. You took the form and made it your own.

Your internal rhyme complements your rhythm exquisitely, making your words dream-like. Captivating.

Personally, I would add a break after the line, 'All that is pure' to help transition from your internal monologue (or confession) to speaking to another person (the still born that, I assume, doesn't see the X Y Z approaching).

Then again, I guess that may mess with your acrostic.

Most of your lines are worded in a confusing way, but I like your rhythm and caesuras, they really create a rolling motion like the turning of your jars.