NEVER MESS WITH MY GRANDMA

An old lady calls 911 late one night…

The dispatcher answers, “911, what is your emergency?”

“There appears to be two(2) men rummaging through my shed.”

“A breaking and entering? We’ll have an officer over in an hour.”

“An hour? But they won’t be here in an hour. They’re breaking and entering now.”

“Ma’am, no officers are available right now. We’ll send a squad car by in an hour.”

The old lady hangs up, then calls back a few minutes later.

“911, what is your emergency?”

“I’m the lady who called about the two men breaking into my shed. You don’t have to send anyone. I shot them.”

Within a few minutes, there are police all over her yard. The men are apprehended, and the commanding-officer-on-scene goes up to take the woman’s statement.

“One other thing Ma'am… I thought you told the 911 dispatcher that you had shot the men?”

“And I thought the 911 dispatcher had told me that there were no officers available.” 藍

LESSON : Be smart and cunning. Sometimes, you have to make up some story in case of an emergency.

(ctto) #good day..

At a wine merchant, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard, with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position.
The director of the winery wondered how to send him away.

He gave him a glass to drink.
The drunk tried it and said:
"It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable”.

"That's correct”, said the boss.

Another glass:

"It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results”.
"Correct”.

A third glass:

''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive”, calmly said the drunk.
The director was astonished.

He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.

The alcoholic tried it.

"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and - if I don't get the job - I'll name the father”.

I'm inexperienced when it comes to these kinds of talks, but I'll give my two cents:

There are different forms of love:

-Unconditional Love
-Conditional
-Philia
-Pragma
-Storge
-Eros
-Ludus
-Mania
-Self Love
-Platonic Love

When talking about conditional love, sex is usually a big factor.

it's passion

I always thought there was a shaming stigma attached to women who only want sex. In the US you often hear those women being called sluts or whores. At least that was how it was offline, I'm not so sure about online or dating sites. Or if that stigma is still attached. Based on some of the comments I've heard in the forums, it seems to be.

As far as men were concerned, those that were only looking for sex were considered to be "sowing their oats". It was considered normal for the young guys to sow their oats, but young women were supposed to be ladylike. Though I'm not sure who the young men were supposed to have sex with if it was inappropriate for young women to do so, haha.

I believe if a woman wants to seek only sex, that is her business. There is no right or wrong to it, unless she's using sex to hurt others, imo.

If, she has a voodoo doll of you in one hand,
and a handful of pins in the other...

Rest assured, she's serious.

If they’re not smiling in any of their photos then I think it’s fair to say they are serious

Would love your views/suggestions on Indian cinema