hi all your right it hsrd to let go when they go before good bye... randy dropped dead at his machine at work on midnights and our gr grandaughter 2 birthday.... when they called i asked how bad and they said bad... when i got here they had just called the code as done..
I said good bye a thousand ways since then, and every day it easier to let him go and rest. i have to day the lack of some one to share the days success's and failures with is hard... had to break out he drill press to night for the carport i'm build ing... had to laught as my grandson came down and watch em use it and shake his head. I learned how to from the master..lol we did all that work to gether.. that's hard.. in one way easier in the other.. his thinking was off toward the end, was taking 120 mg of oxycotin a day.. plus break thru meds.. he is sooo much better off where he is... who i buried was not who i married.. cancer killed that step by step and treatment... funny the chemo worked the patient died any way..

I 'm here in 330.. would love a gathering

hi great guy and welcome, I di the clothes 3 months after randy passed. Had to the grand children wore his suit to his funeral as they are all most all boys and both our son=in=laws wore his suits. I sat up there ...druged to the max and helped them pick out what looked the best.. randy hated suits.... and had enought to suit up 6 gr son and 2 sons that day. but after they left everything out and i had major surgery... and went up when i was allowed to climb stairs and they it was all over... used the better living thru chemistry and called my gal friend and I gave it all to people who where starting jobs and need dress clothes,, his bibles from work went to workers there..his tools at the plant to a first responder who worked on him 40 minutes..
FOr me and only me i felt i had lost him months before... and today I found out he had been driving his jeep last year with expired plates... he forgot to get them.. chemo brain.. he had had 7 years of high dose chemo. epoct+r.. dhap+r. all toxic and the stem cell transplant to be honest it has not been a year for me yet, but he started letting go of us over a year ago. and forcing me to let go. as i move thru the building and sheds and his tools nothing was put away out there however inside the house it was all in order... will I ever forget him no, i was the lucky one I had him. now I have had to decide to live in the past with him or move on to the light of a new day.. So I await a new day..with cancer you lose them in peaces... till there is not much left.

good morning all

come to ohio.... I 'll put you up and to work ... gotta love family... last years over overlay (dry wall) 2 ceiling rooms at mom's fix rain leak. run new flashing on roof mom's.. new floor and carpet mom's and a new deck and stairs to it.. was worried she'd fall.. took me a week to recover/// gave john a kiss and said head home to kanas city... you're killing me.. in between this did 1 day at cleveland clinic for randy.

who went skinny dipping?
when is the gathering in july? that's one of my bad months..
to day was electric to 2 lights... fixed the dishwasher hose again... sad to say did not work so will try again tomorrow.. keeps getting water back in it.... dang thing.. tomorrow 2 windows to replace at mother's 6 holes do dig with gas post hole digger, 6 4x4x12 to set by wensday... my brother and I almost kill each other when he's home working.. I know how to use and own guy tools....lol... hammer drill 3 saws alls... ect.. we got smart after we got the tranny and paid a neighbor to up in ... freeing both our hands from broken knuckels.....frount wheel drive ... yuck. the next day if and it's a big if we get this done tomorrow.. we go to reta and do a camera and monitor for securty for her the next day vinal siding at other sister's house some blew off in storm. and them back here for me to climb on roof and fix the chimmney, it's metal the wind caught it.. by then the cement should be set up and up goes my carport... john leaves saterday.. I get rest... whew! inbetween we get the and the's that get added!!!!
he only gets home one week a year.. if it was 2 don't think I would make it.... we keep a running list of the has and the wants...oh ya lost the 2 days when i drove 17 hours to get him and bring him home... and half of today with finding and moving the van here...
fading fast rose lol

happy fathers day to all, heading out to the grave.. first one with out him, but it's all right he not inpain, fell he's happy t now and most of all well...
rose

AMEN TO THAT.... Gosh I"m beat and have along day ahead
goodmorning all
rose

well now at 4:30 am it's nithy nighty... friday the 13 at 9;00 pm.... my brother broke down in indiana, blew tranny... emergency call to old sister me... yesterday rented a flat bed trailer drove out pcked up the kids... and the van and just got home.... please advise me if any more of friday the 13 is coming... i plan to be off the planet... am to tird to sleep and have to take the trailer back by 12am..... so now it's night night... hang had to miss a wedding I had bought a new dress for.... may put the darn thing on and take afew pictures lol
rose

at our church we have dinner's when the one at your house and what are we having?

my late husband also got me the yorkies.... he knew his time was growwing short...I think.. the darn things sleep with me lol. they are both dogs the he rescued. love them to death, even eating my plate

hehehe want a dog I have 2 yorkies that ate the teeth and i schnause that almost as old as me.... will trade lol

OH no hun mine was one of those new flexable ones you know ....kinda like silicone... with teeth.... hum it was so chewed the denist almost wet her self laughting.... they ate the darn teeth right out of it and swollowed them.... dumb dogs

thanks for the hug I used up all my faith... running on pure stubbornness now.. made it this far can do this.. my thougth that has gotten me thru so much has been..
Just for today I can do What I could not possibly think of doing for a life time...BUT I can do it just for today..
Rose

i got my teeth done... see the darn dog thought my partical plate was a chew toy... in other words they ate it!!!!!! most expensive toy they ever ate... so yesterday and today.... all 9 hours of today... in the denist chairs. I got a bridge... bet they can't eat this one... ( just to be safe as they know me the gave me a back up one..hehehehe have it in my pocket and have super glue and knwo how to use it.... yea haaaaa
rose

HI all
Judt got home from columbus went and had my bridge made... darn dogs ate my partical plate... Got new before i felt that my mother is on her last vein in the cararated artery in her neck, she call and told me, asked her if she wanted to have any thing done with it, she said no...pop died 4 years ago mom is 76 on the 14 of june, she wanted to know if I was going to tell her to get it done. I had to tell her given the same options she has since randy left, i 'd say no way.. roll the dice hope for snake eyes.. we just had her dog up down saterday with lymphoma, the same as randy my sister and uncle has altho joe now as lou garrets and his mind is fine the body has failed ..
what was i supposed to say.... stay and suffer? I just could not say those words... I feel the time is soon, the boys will be in saterday there are 7 of us she say the one that could not come last week in south carolina... seems to be saying good bye one kids at a time.. dad been gone almost 28 years, he passed on at age 50.. oh well some thing have to happen just the way they happen.... to day at the hospital and yesterday there our granddaughter asked how i did it for 7 years.. laughted and said one day one crises at a time.... was the first time i was able to go out during lunch and set with no worries or fears of what i would walk into next... sorry for venting.. was a good day for me, learning i could do this and smile, feed the ducks and not fear the next moment...
rose

fed-x 20lbs to ya..... they came from my hip area..... in case you find they migrate south.... I told ya so
rose

I may never get done.... my problem is for one thing I heat with wood all the time in the winter months.. meaning I need summer clothes all year long, but you have to have.. the I'm going out to see a friend and need real winter clothes.. that hardly get worn... then being I guess this old age group I need the casual dress, and the wow clothes and the heck I'm wroking and don't care clothes....

wow have to many clothes

take me take me...... wanta look for clothes? lol

ok if any one laughts.... iget them ... in the middle of this cleaning trying on 5 seconds yes no maybe...my wonderful kids came in... we have a wedding saterday... ask the kids asuming ha! they had some kinds of style what are you wearing.. they had to have randy style... one said oh we're riding the harley.. ok dressy dress is out for her.... the other one.. blue jeans... my God they can't me mine... polled my sisters... clam diggers... and here i am with a very nice dress that is going to be to dressy.... so are you ready went out shopping and bought a more casual dress.. what wrong with this picture?
well bak upstairs to the closets,, have made headway..