I don't agree. I would say that it's de-humanizing for women. But women that are abused and are vulnerable more readily attract men that fantasize about rescuing them. Vulnerability is a very attractive feminine attribute to men. Men that are abused and vulnerable just look weak.

she bandies the word love
like a child that's found a gun
saying *I love you* has no meaning
except to lower your defenses
and perhaps cofound the senses

insatiable desire for popularity
she plays with emotions
a game, a gift for the masses
masked as love, caring, and devotion

and if you fall in love
then ready to pay the fool
for the words she'll speak to you
just artifice as a rule

she has no shame
in her giddy game of who is whom
a collector of souls
her addictions are how she's controlled

she spends all her time at home
pretending to be a goddess that
we know all too well
contemplating with craft
her next spin we cannot tell

lacking in respect
a lady of darkness
with heart black as night
requires a wide birth
yes she'll love to fight
but I see no end in sight

* outside the boy's dorm room at a private school in the cold rain on the wet grass.

* In the reclined front seat of a car at an apartment parking lot with people walking around. It was dark, not sure if anyone saw us.

not sure which one was crazier.

Oh my, I like your description.

wow not a lot of guys on this thread! Guys hesitate to admit emotional abuse.

“love is blind” syndrome is what I think happens. The abused partner remembers the good feelings and fears the thought of being alone and the possibility of never finding those good feelings again. It is an addiction. You can live quite happily once you get through withdrawal. Only when your mind is clear of addiction can you act in you own best interest.

I am speaking from my own personal experience.

For me it starts with love/liking/caring feeling. It took a couple of weeks the first time and a couple of months the second time. One day a sensation of letting go to chance comes over me. A feeling that it's going to be ok to dedicate myself to her. The love intensifies with the letting go and the desire to commit.

The sensation would always be different. One was "I get the sensation of being on top of a cold mountain, and all I want to do is yodel! YO-DE-LAY-HEE-HOO!" No, wait, that was the time I bit into a York Peppermint Patty.

Anyway, more intense than chocolate. But chocolate is way safer.

Wow that's cool. Still, it seems extraordinary. But I do enjoy hearing things like that. If I may be so bold to ask, which divorce was easier?

I understand now that we do not need to consider joking as we agree it is not a "performance of speech act."

promising 'X' without intending to do 'X'

Why does this offend our moral sensibility? I think it's because it violates trust. Without trust it is hard to know how to go about getting anything accomplished in a cooperative. More fundamentally, I think that promising 'X' without intending to do 'X' subverts societal order by breaking down the cooperative mechanism in whole.

Thank you KC

Figure it goes better with my "Sinner" persona. Had to dump gas all over my back yard just to get the photo. Hope folks will appreciate it!

got to go clean up now...

Thank you ManO,
I think most people (men & women) fall into the trap. I am guilty of this as well.

nice

I don't know. On some days you can think everything is about you.

I really felt this one. Thank you teadipper.
I think I'm one of those guys that keeps getting stuck on the wrong women.

what he said

This one took a little time to sink in for me. Its more than entertainment. I see a deep and painful desire to purge oneself of falseness.

Quite meaningful and well expressed. I'm thanking you.

Here is a better example of what I was talking about...

"Hello friend, would you lend me some money?"

"What for?"

"I want to play the lottery. I promise I'll give you all my winnings, ha ha" (I promise to do X is explicitly stated)

"yeah, whatever, here is the money..."

So you have the borrower making a verbal promise without intending to make a promise and without intending to deceive the lender. They both understand that the promise is just a joke.

In this case, "I promise to do X" does not mean the "I intend to do x" nor does it mean that I am deliberately trying to deceive the listener, because we both know it's a joke.

I thought you might want to consider this case because kidding around is an important part of relationships. Ironically, kidding around can also cause the greatest harm when it effects miscommunication.

Familiar feelings to me. Peace in the heart, I desire this too.

romantic and beautiful
wow

I wish I could write like that. Great writing.