i know the feeling all to well trust me .

new england pats here and redsox to lol

bgeorge,

You never know he could be on the next corner or in the same town or even better in another state that's what makes it special because u just never know untill it bites u in the rear lol.

ray if some one ask's you if you are a god you say yes from ghost buster's,

stay gold from the out siders,


if ya gotta go go with a smile joker on bat man

i think all of us are just waiting for the special some one out there .hey put it this way i been waioting three years lol but u never know when or where u will meet that person.

iam not 28 iam 36 lol i think we all are waiting for that special some one .

take care ,

iam single as ever god it's been that long lol.

FAMILY STRESS TEST



How to score: 0 if the statement is never true, 1 if it is rarely true, 2 if it is sometimes true, and 3 if it is always true.

1. ___ Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then "we can talk."

2. ___ The school principal has your number on speed-dial.

3. ___ The cat is on Valium.

4. ___ People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.

5. ___ You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaf.

6. ___ The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.

7. ___ No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.

8. ___ "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.

9. ___ You have to check your kid's day-planner to see if he can take out the trash.

10.___ No-Doze gives you bulk rates.

How you rate:
30 - A perfect score. Welcome to the neighborhood!
20-29 - You are doing reasonably well, but still have too little going on in your life. Crank it up.
10-19 - You have mastered some of the aspects of the stress-filled life, but still have a long way to go. Have you considered a parallel career path?
0- 9 - Enjoying all that extra time? What do you do anyway?

INTRODUCTION:

Hello, and welcome to the nerdity test. This test is designed to help you determine your nerdity quotient. In the past, someone may have watched you, or listened to something you said and then exclaimed, "You geek! What do you think you are doing?" Or maybe it's just us. In any event, we here at the nerdity testing lab were prompted to ask "just what is a nerd?" In response, we came up with this test. By taking it, you will determine your current nerdity quotient (from 0% to 100%), with 100% roughly corresponding to a pile of sludge unable to communicate with anything human except through a device that is a miracle of modern medicine and engineering, and whose only connection to the outside world is through the computer internet system.

GRADING:

As this test is being distributed primarily in places of high concentrations of known nerds, and nerds in turn tend to have nerd friends, that someone who has never heard of or seen the nerdity test is assumed to be 0% nerd. However, once such knowledge comes to them, they are immediately placed in the 100% nerdity category. This is done because it is also assumed that only a true geek would utter something to the effect of: "Nerdity test?!? What a stupid concept! I'm too cool to take something as dumb as that." The values in between are determined by taking the test and scoring it as follows.

For each question below for which you can answer "yes" or "true", take one point. At the end of the test, divide the total number of points you scored by the total number of questions in the test. Treat this number as a percentage that represents your nerdity quotient.

Some of the questions will have parentheticals at the end of them. What is contained within the parentheticals is a short list of examples relating to the given question. The list is not to be taken as all inclusive but merely as suggestions that might apply.

All technicalities count - after all, being technical is half of what being a nerd is all about.

RECOMMENDATIONS and HINTS:

It is felt that for maximum enjoyment, you should respond out loud with your answers. You should treat each "yes" that you say as a personal catharsis of what you are doing wrong (or right depending on your opinion of nerdity) and each "no" may then be disputed by your peers. In this way, errors due to lying or personal oversight are avoided and the test also has a therapeutic effect for the closet nerd. As an aside, information gleaned about others should be treated confidentially. Each of us has a dork-side that we don't want others to know about.

Experiment shows that nerdity CAN be cured! With effort and personal sacrifice... The nerdity quotient is a cross between proclivity toward as well as actual current status in nerddom. Some questions are "have you ever..." while others are "do you now...". The former register the fact that you have a propensity toward nerdity, while the later acknowledge the fact that you are currently geeking. Obviously, as your answers toward the "do you now" type questions change, so will your nerd quotient.

Please use only a number two pencil. Mark all answers in your blue book. Shake well before using. Lather. Rinse. Repeat as desired. Show all work. Refrigerate after opening. No partial credit will be given. A table of useful formulas is included at the end. You may begin.... NOW!

SECTION 1: Education and Schooling

1. Have you ever taken a "higher" math course? (Trig, Calculus)

2. ...at the college level?

3. ...and received an A (3.7 grade point)?

4. Are you still capable of doing what you learned in the course of #1?

5. Have you ever taken a science course? (Biology, Physics, Chemistry)

6. ...at the college level?

7. ...and received an A (3.7 grade point)?

8. Are you still capable of doing what you learned in the course of #5?

9. Have you ever majored in the "hard sciences"? (engineering, physics chemistry, etc. but excluding psychology, economics, etc.)

10. Have you ever taken Latin?

11. Have you ever asked a question in lecture?

12. Have you ever answered a question asked in lecture?

13. Have you ever corrected a professor in lecture?

14. Have you ever answered a rhetorical question?

15. Have you ever given a lecture?

16. Do you sit in the front row more than 20% of the time?

17. Have you ever had a "perfect attendance record"?

18. Have you ever verified an equation in a science text on your own? (i.e. experimental proof)

19. Have you ever derived an equation you found in a science text?

20. ...when you didn't have to?

21. ...using other principles? (starting from a different equation than the text did)

22. Do you take notes in more than one color?

23. Do you use other props when taking notes? (ruler, compass, protractor)

24. Have you ever tutored someone else?

25. Have you ever done homework on a Friday night?

26. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

27. Have you taken any classes pass/fail just to preserve your GPA?

28. Have you ever known more about the subject material than the lecturer?

29. ...but continued in the class because you "needed the grade?"

30. ...and had the lecturer admit this fact to you?

31. Have you ever had an argument with a professor?

32. Did you win?

33. Has a lecturer ever referred someone to you as being more knowledgeable?

34. Did you apply to any college merely for the sake of "seeing if I would get in"?

35. Was your SAT math more than 300 above your verbal?

36. Did you score higher than 1200 combined on the SAT?

SECTION 2: Knowledge

37. Can you count in binary? (up to decimal 10)

38. Can you count in hexadecimal? (up to decimal 20)

39. Can you count in Roman numerals?

40. Do you know Maxwell's equations? (integral or differential form)

41. Do you know Schroedinger's Equation?

42. Have you ever solved Schroedinger's Equation?

43. ...for fun?

44. Do you know the difference between a scalar and a vector?

45. Do you know the difference between a vector and a tensor?

46. Do you know the right-hand-rule for cross-products?

47. Do you know the Latin name (genus and species) for anything? (fruit fly, human being)

48. Can you understand the owner's manual for electronic equipment?

49. Can you understand the electronic schematic for electronic equipment?

50. Do you know what a "reverse polish notation" calculator is?

51. Can you name the first nine elements of the periodic table in order?

52. Can you translate more than half the chemical symbols into the name of the element they represent?

53. Do you know the wavelengths in the visible spectrum?

54. Are you bilingual?

55. ...and not an immigrant or child of an immigrant?

56. Can you briefly outline the biological process that occur due to alcohol when it is consumed by a human?

57. ...while drunk?

58. Do you know how your car's engine works?

59. Have you ever interpolated?

60. Have you ever extrapolated?

61. Do you know the difference between interpolation and extrapolation?

62. Have you ever integrated numerically?

63. ...and known the result ahead of time?

64. ...and complained about how slow the computer was?

65. Have you ever seen or utilized the spherical harmonic functions?

66. ...and found them aesthetically pleasing?

67. Do you know most of the words to "The Lumberjack Song" by Monty Python?

68. Do you own an encyclopedia?

69. Have you ever read an encyclopedia entry that you weren't researching?

70. Have you ever wanted to know something for no apparent reason?

71. Have you ever been laughed at for wanting to know something?

72. Can you program the time on a VCR?

73. Has anyone ever asked you to program their VCR time for them?

74. Have you ever used the word "asymptotic"?

75. Have you ever referred to something as an L.E.D.?

76. Have you ever referred to a ruler as a "straight-edge"?

77. Have you ever said "quartz crystal"?

78. Have you ever called something a "print out" or "hard copy"?

79. Have you ever referred to a curve/object as hyperbolic, parabolic, etc.?

80. Do you feel your vocabulary is larger than most people's?

81. Is your IQ greater than your weight?

Answer YES if you know what the following acronyms stand for. Note: it may be useful to actually state out loud what you think the acronym stands for as your interpretation may be wrong or not the nerdy one being sought after.

82. ...RADAR?

83. ...MODEM?

84. ...RAM?

85. ...DNA?

86. ...ATP?

87. ...NADP?

88. ...CRT?

89. ...CRC?

90. ...STP?

91. ...NORAD?

92. ...NASA?

93. ...MUD?

94. ...LED?

95. ...AI?

96. ...LASER?

97. ...RPG?

98. ...TLA?

99. ...SCUBA?

100. ...WYSIWYG?

101. ...DAT?

102. ...PINE?

103. ...JOVE?

104. Did you not know one of the above, but took a wild guess at in anyway?

105. Have you ever created an acronym in order to simplify your writing?

The next few questions deal with physical constants. Mark yes for any that you can give the value (2 or more significant digits) for. Knowledge of the units attached is NOT necessary, just the numeric portion.

106. gravitational constant? (G)

107. earth's gravity near the surface? (g)

108. mass of an electron?

109. charge of an electron?

110. speed of light in vacuum?

111. speed of sound at STP?

112. Planck's constant? (h or h-bar)

113. permittivity of free space? (epsilon naught)

114. permeability of free space? (mu naught)

115. Avogadro's number?

116. molar gas constant?

117. pi? (exception: must know more than 3 digits)

118. Mark this true if you are presently the person knowing the most digits of pi in the room.

119. e? (exception: must know more than 3 digits)

Can you give the conversion factor between... (2 or more sig. digits)

120. ...centimeters and inches?

121. ...kilometers and miles?

122. ...joules and electron-volts?

123. ...atomic mass units and kilograms?

124. ...Celsius and Kelvin?

125. ...Celsius and Fahrenheit?

126. ...meters and Astronomical Units (AU)?

127. ...AU and light years?

128. ...light years and parsecs?

129. If, while answering any question in this section, you said someone else's answer was wrong and were right, mark this question true. (e.g. "you nob! Pi isn't 3.1425. It's 3.1415!")

130. If while answering any question in this section, you checked a reference book to find out the correct answer, mark this question true. (e.g. "AARRGGH! What's that last R in radar stand for?")

SECTION 3: Computers

131. Have you ever used a computer?

132. ...for more than 4 hours continuously?

133. ...for more than 8 hours continuously?

134. ...past 4 a.m.?

135. ...as a source of income?

136. ...on Friday, Saturday and Sunday of the same weekend?

137. ...with someone you were physically attracted toward?

138. ...for money?

139. ...in the last 24 hours?

140. ...in the last half hour?

141. ...as a source of entertainment? (computer game)

142. ...in the last three months?

143. ...in the last three weeks?

144. Have you ever programmed a computer?

145. ...to write a computer game?

146. ...to write a computer virus?

147. ...to write a shell script?

148. Do you still own any computer with less than 512k of RAM? (e.g. Commodore 64, Apple II +/e/c, TRS 80, ad infinitum)

149. ...that is still in working condition?

150. ...and still buy software for it?

151. Do you own more than one computer with at least a megabyte of RAM?

152. Do you own any computer which would be classified as a work station?

153. Have you ever taken your computer on vacation with you?

154. Have you ever lost sleep over a computer game?

Have you ever used a ...

155. mouse?

156. hard disk drive?

157. light-pen?

158. computer with a touch sensitive monitor?

159. track-ball?

160. ...for something other than a video game?

161. Devorak keyboard? (as opposed to QWERTY)

162. modem?

163. Have you ever seen a magnetic tape reel?

164. Have you ever mounted a magnetic tape reel?

165. Have you ever seen a computer punch card?

166. Have you ever programmed using punch cards?

167. Are you still capable of programming with punch cards?

168. Do you have any "pirated" software? (i.e. second-hand copywritten)

169. Do you have any "public-domain" software?

170. Do you have any "shareware"? (i.e. software author requests a fee be sent to them for its use)

171. Do you currently own a modem capable of 14.4kbs or faster?

172. Do you still own any modem whose top speed is 300 baud or less?

173. Have you ever telnet'ed from one computer system to another?

174. ...to gain access to a system you had no authorization on?

175. ...to call a government computer? (NASA, FBI, NORAD, etc.)

176. ...to call a research institution? (CERN, JPL, etc.)

177. ...where the other machine was outside of your native country?

178. Do you have an electronic mail address?

179. ...more than one e-mail address?

180. Have you ever sent e-mail?

181. ...to yourself?

182. ...to someone who was in the same room as you at the time?

183. ...with a .sig file appended to the end of it?

184. ...in the last week?

185. Have you ever set up and run a mailing list for e-mail?

186. Do you receive more e-mail than you send?

187. Have you ever FTP'd?

188. ...anonymously?

189. Have you ever uploaded?

190. Have you ever downloaded?

191. Have you ever multi-tasked? (ran 2+ applications concurrently)

192. Have you ever set up a kill file?

193. ...that does more than simply 'kill'?

194. Do you have a .plan or similar file for when people finger you?

195. Have you set up a login.com or similar file for auto-execution on logging unto a computer system? (autoexec.bat, login.com...)

196. Do you use alias/batch commands to standardize your OS? (e.g. alias dir ls)

197. Have you ever read the postings on USENET?

198. ...in the last week?

199. Have you posted to USENET?

200. ...and gotten a response?

201. ...from someone you knew outside of the net?

202. ...and gotten a "flame"?

Have you ever posted to...

203. ...a science fiction news group? (rec.arts.sf)

204. ...a sex news group? (alt.sex)

205. ...talk.bizarre?

206. ...rec.humor?

207. ...a sci. or science-related news group?

208. Have you ever written a FAQ for a USENET news group?

209. Have you ever run a vote for a USENET news group?

210. Have you ever moderated a USENET news group?

211. Have you played any MUD's, MUSH's or other multi-user games?

212. ...in the last week?

213. ...today?

214. Do you consistently play more than one MUD, MUSH, etc.?

215. Are you a "wizard/implementor/immortal" on any MUD's, MUSH's, etc.?

216. Do you have GIF files as wallpaper?

217. Is part of your desk space devoted to your computer?

218. Have you ever built a computer?

219. ...from chips?

220. Do you have a favorite computer language?

221. ...that you've had to defend in verbal debate?

Which of the following computer languages do you know...

222. ...BASIC?

223. ...PASCAL?

224. ...FORTRAN?

225. ...assembly language?

226. ...C?

227. Have you ever forgotten a person's name but not their e-mail address?

228. Do you know more computer addresses than street addresses?

229. Do you tend to remember the IP numbers instead of the alpha address for computer sites? (128.253.232.63 vs. crux3.cit.cornell.edu)

230. Do you find that you type more often than you write longhand?

231. Have you ever forgotten how to write longhand?

232. Have you ever used computer symbology elsewhere? (goto, *, etc.)

233. Have you ever spoken internet-ese? (btw, imho, :), brb, afk)

234. Have you ever blown off doing something you were supposed to do in order to work on the computer?

235. Have you ever felt jealous of someone merely because they owned a better computer system than you?

SECTION 4: Possessions

236. Do you frequently find yourself with more plugs than outlets?

237. Do you currently own a can of WD-40?

238. Do you currently own a can of compressed air?

239. Do you have a personal copy of any version of the nerdity test?

240. ...in space allocated to you on a computer system?

241. Have you ever owned a light saber (Star Wars)?

242. ...that wasn't made of plastic?

243. Do you own an 8-track tape player or any 8-track tapes?

244. Do you own an almanac? (World, Farmer's)

245. Do you own an atlas?

246. Do you own a globe?

247. ...and have it on display? (on a desk, bookshelf...)

248. ...that has bumps corresponding to mountain ranges?

249. ...that lights up?

250. Do you own any "maps of the ancient world"?

251. ...and have them on display?

252. Do you have any "mathematical" artwork? (Escher, fractals)

253. Have you ever faxed something?

254. Have you ever received a fax?

255. Do you own a cellular phone? (car phone)

256. Do you own a non-standard calculator? (scientific, programmable)

257. Do you own a "reverse polish notation" calculator?

258. Do you own a slide rule?

259. ...and know how to use it?

260. Other than a thermometer, do you own any meteorological equipment?

261. Do you own any orienteering equipment? (compass, sextant, etc.)

262. Do you own a pencil case?

263. Do you own any mechanical pencil?

264. ...and have refills for it?

265. Do you own an electric pencil sharpener?

266. Do you own a laboratory notebook?

267. Do you own any graph paper? (quad-ruled)

268. Do you own any log or semi-log paper?

269. Do you own a table of integrals?

270. Have you ever stolen scientific (radiation, biohazard) warnings for personal use?

SECTION 5: Leisure Time

271. Have you ever taken something apart?

272. ...and put it back together correctly?

273. ...without worrying about voiding the warranty?

274. Do friends and/or family ask you to fix things?

275. Do friends and/or family ask to borrow your tools?

276. ...because you are the only person they know who OWNS that tool?

277. Have you ever put something together without reference to the assembly instructions?

278. Have you ever bought something primarily for the pleasure of taking it apart to "see how it works"?

279. Have you ever rewired something?

280. Have you ever played a non-sexual role-playing game? (D&D)

281. ...since leaving high school?

282. Have you ever been to a RPG convention? (GenCON, etc.)

283. ...in the last six months?

284. Have you ever taken a "self help" test?

285. Do you derive perverse pleasure from self-help tests?

286. Do you ever lord your scores on such tests over people around you?

287. Have you ever dissected something?

288. ...while not involved in a biology class?

289. Do you play chess?

290. Were you ever on a chess team?

291. ...on a math team?

292. ...on a debate team?

293. ...on a "trivia" team? (college bowl, JEOPARDY)

294. ...the captain for any of the teams listed above?

295. ...the coach for any of the teams listed above?

296. Did you ever join one of the above teams for the purpose of picking up members of the opposite sex?

297. Were you ever in a science fair?

298. ...that you placed in the top three?

299. Are you a member of Mensa?

300. Have you ever made a technical joke?

301. ...in the last week?

302. ...that no one around you understood?

303. ...and you found yourself trying to explain it?

304. ...that everyone around you understood?

305. ...but their reason for laughing was not yours?

SECTION 6: Leisure Time - Nerd Toys

306. Have you ever bought something from Radio Shack?

307. Do you know what an oscilloscope does?

308. Have you ever used an oscilloscope?

309. Do you own an oscilloscope?

310. Have you ever used a microscope?

311. Do you own a microscope?

312. Have you ever used a telescope?

313. ...not for peering through someone's bedroom window?

314. Do you own a voltmeter?

315. Do you own any remote controlled vehicles?

316. Do you own a CB radio?

317. Have you ever had an amateur radio license?

318. Do you still have an amateur radio license?

319. Have you ever had an extra-class amateur radio license?

320. Have you ever used a chemistry set?

321. ...since the age of 13?

322. Have you ever used a rare earth element?

323. Do you own a slinky?

324. Does a slinky make you think about oscillations?

325. Do you own a Rubik's cube?

326. Are you able to solve Rubik's Cube?

327. ...without using the book?

328. ...in less than two minutes?

329. Have you ever tried to calculate the number of possible permutations a Rubik's Cube can have?

SECTION 7: Leisure Time - TV and Movies

330. Do you watch more than 4 hours of TV on any given day of the week?

331. Can you name more than 5 shows on PBS? (inc.:A&E, Discovery Channel)

332. Have you ever watched a PBS documentary?

333. ...voluntarily?

334. ...in the last three weeks?

335. Have you ever watched C-Span for more than 5 minutes?

Have you ever watched a complete episode of...

336. ...Dr. Who?

337. ...Battlestar Galactica?

338. ...Space: 1999?

339. ...Starblazers? (cartoon about the WWII carrier flying through space)

Can you whistle, hum, sing or snap the theme songs to...

340. ...Gilligan's Island?

341. ...Flintstones?

342. ...The Brady Bunch?

343. ...The Jetson's?

344. ...The Addam's Family?

344. ...Dobbie Gillis?

346. ...I Dream of Genie?

347. Have you ever seen any of the "Revenge of The Nerd" movies more than once?

348. Have you seen all of the Star Wars movies?

349. ...in one 24 hour period?

350. Have you ever watched something and stated "that's physically impossible" (due to Newton's laws, etc.)?

SECTION 8: Leisure Time - Books and Magazines

Have you ever read anything by...

351. ...Douglas Adams?

352. ...Isaac Asimov?

353. ...Arthur C. Clarke?

354. ...Robert H. Heinlein?

355. ...Piers Anthony?

356. ...J.R.R. Tolkein?

357. ...TSR Hobbies? (i.e. a novel published by the D&D people)

358. ...Richard Feynman? (e.g. his lectures, etc.)

359. ...Stephen Hawkings?

360. ...Carl Sagan?

361. Have you ever read -Cultural-Literacy- or any other book on "what you, as an intelligent person, should know"?

362. Have you ever read -Innumeracy- or any other book about mathematics made popular?

363. Do you read books on a daily basis?

364. Have you finished a book in the last week?

365. Have you finished more than one book in the last week?

366. Have you ever bought a book of crossword puzzles/logic problems?

367. Do you read archaic computer manuals for pleasure?

Do you have magazine subscriptions to...

368. ...Popular Mechanics?

369. ...Popular Science?

370. ...Omni?

371. ...Scientific America?

372. ...any computer oriented magazine? (MacWorld, PCWorld, etc.)

373. ...Computer Gaming World or other "video game" magazine?

374. ...Discover?

375. ...any medical journals? (New England Journal of Medicine)

376. ...any science periodicals?

377. ...National Geographic?

378. ...any comic book or "graphic novel"? (X-Men, Superman, Heavy Metal)

SECTION 9: Star Trek

379. Can you name or discuss the plots of more than 10 Star Trek episodes?

380. Have you seen all of the Star Trek films?

381. ...in one 48 hour period?

382. Do you refer to the various "Treks" as "TOS" (The Original Series), "TNG" (The Next Generation) and "DS9" (Deep Space 9) or similar?

383. Have you ever argued with someone over which "Trek" is better?

384. Have you ever argued over who was a better commander of the Enterprise?

385. Have you ever felt the urge to learn the Klingon language?

386. Have you ever been to a trek convention?

387. ...in the last six months?

388. Have you ever owned a pair of Spock ears (Star Trek)?

389. ...and worn them in public?

SECTION 10: Clothing and Apparel

390. Are your socks unmatched?

391. Do you own a digital watch?

392. ...that plays music?

393. ...that's currently set to chime on the hour?

394. ...that has a calculator built in?

395. Do you own a pocket protector?

396. ...and are you wearing it?

397. Do you have acne?

398. Do you have greasy hair?

399. ...without realizing it?

400. Do you own any clothing with scientific knowledge printed on it? (e.g. t-shirts with Maxwell's equations)

401. ...which you still wear from time to time?

402. Have you ever worn a radiation film badge?

403. ...while not in the laboratory?

404. ...and described what it was to someone, who then backed away in fear?

405. Are your pants too short?

406. Does your underwear have your name in it?

407. Is your outfit uncoordinated? (have someone else evaluate this)

408. Have you ever worn a button-down shirt and left the tails hanging out?

409. Have you ever bought similar looking shirts/pants in order to save time when dressing because "everything goes together"?

410. Do you wear glasses?

411. ...held together by adhesives? (tape, glue, boogers)

412. Is your vision worse than 20/40? (in either eye)

413. Is your vision worse than 20/80? (in either eye)

414. Do your glasses weigh more than one pound?

SECTION 11: Personality and Lifestyle

415. Have you ever slept an inverted day? (sleep at dawn, wake at dusk)

416. ...for more than one day in a row?

417. Have you ever slept round the clock? (24 continuous hours in bed)

Which of the following have you used to prevent sleep?

418. ...Caffeine?

419. ...exercise?

420. ...Vivarin?

421. ...NoDoz?

422. ...something you made in chem. lab?

423. ...something you found in chem. lab?

424. Have you worked for an engineering or manufacturing firm?

425. ...in the last 3 months?

426. ...and gotten credit at a school for doing so?

427. Have you worked in a research lab?

428. ...and been more interested in the work than the pay?

429. Have you ever visited a power plant? (Hoover Dam, nuclear plant, etc.)

430. ...and not been bored?

431. Are you socially inept?

432. Was the last naked person you saw a hi-res computer scan?

433. Do you talk to yourself?

434. ...when other people are around?

435. Do you talk to imaginary people?

436. ...do they talk back?

437. ...do they seem to be more/less intelligent than you?

438. Do you have a tough time remembering people's names?

439. ...but no trouble with their numeric data? (phone#, SS#)

440. Have you ever played mathematical games with other numbers you see to pass the time? (square/cube root, prime factors of phone#)

441. Do you see everyday situations as representing mathematical concepts?

442. Do you look at quantitative factors when participating in social events? (ex: choosing drinks by % alcohol rather than taste)

443. Mark this true if you did NOT go to your senior prom.

444. Did you go stag to your Senior Prom?

445. Have you ever found a grammatical error in a published book?

446. Have you ever quoted a piece of literature from memory? (poem, quote)

447. Have you ever eaten pizza cold?

448. ...do you like it that way?

449. ...because you're too lazy to reheat it?

450. Have you ever gotten pizza delivered to the lab/office/science building?

451. Is any leftover delivery food currently residing in your refrigerator?

452. ...that's been there so long, you can't remember ordering it?

453. ...that's been there so long, it's become mobile/sentient?

454. Is any food in your refrigerator moldy?

455. Have you ever commented on the lack of intellectual ability found in a "JEOPARDY" contestant?

456. Have you ever contemplated the meaning of life/existence of God?

457. ...while not drunk?

458. ...while alone?

459. Have you ever thought about extra dimensions/parallel universes?

460. ...and discussed their possibilities with others?

461. Have you come to any conclusions about UFO's/life on other planets?

462. ...and used Time-Life's "Mysteries of the Unknown" series as a factual reference to support your claim?

463. Have you ever commented: "If I drive fast enough at the red light, it'll appear green."

464. Have you ever found yourself discussing one of the popular scientific theories of the day with someone you just met? (cold fusion)

465. ...did they bring it up because they thought you incapable of talking about non-technical topics?

466. Have you ever taken part in an experiment to prove/disprove one of the popular scientific theories of the day? (cold fusion, big bang)

467. Have you ever thought about reviving the dead? (Frankenstein)

468. ...for sexual purposes?

469. ...and had some degree of success?

470. ...but been laughed at by a leading medical institution?

471. Have you ever given an inanimate object a name? (inc.: stuffed animal)

472. Was the object something electronic or mechanical?

473. Did the object also have a "personality"?

474. Have you ever compared and contrasted two scientists? (Einstein vs. Newton, etc.)

475. Have you ever argued with someone else over which of two scientists was better?

476. Have you ever argued with someone over which of two computer types/OS's is better? (Macintosh vs. IBM, UNIX vs. VMS)

477. Have you ever laughed out loud at a joke written in a serious scientific paper? (Feynman's lectures, textbook)

478. Has anyone ever called you a geek/nerd?

479. ...in the last two weeks?

480. ...for doing/saying something you knew to be geeky?

481. Have you ever intentionally done something that you consider geeky?

482. ...in the last month?

483. ...today?

SECTION 12: The Nerd Test

484. Are you taking this test alone?

485. Are you currently reading this test on a computer screen?

486. Are you planning to double-check your answers to this test?

487. Do you feel the need (or are you currently using) a calculator to score the test?

488. Are you computing your score in scientific notation?

489. Have you contemplated writing a computer program that would ask and/or tabulate questions found on this test?

490. Are you currently scoring this test in reverse? (i.e. Assuming 100% nerd and deducting for each 'no'?)

491. Have you come across copies of this test from two separate sources?

492. If you are still reading this test, do you really need a test score to prove you are a nerd?

493. Is your nerdity test score higher than your purity test score?

494. Did you feel offended by any of the questions on this test?

495. Did you resort to lying in order to raise your score?

496. Did you resort to lying in order to lower your score?



497. Are you currently competing with someone else for the highest score on this test (or were contemplating it)?

498. ...did you come up second best and challenge them to a rematch?

499. Have you asked for a technical clarification of anything on this test?

500. Have you ever thought of a question that belongs on this test?

Please put your pencils down. That's it! Hope you enjoyed it!

To analyze your Nerdity Quotient, divide your total number of "yes/true" responses by the total number of questions and compare to this list.

Ranking:

0 - 20 Nerd-wannabe

21 - 30 Nerd-in-Training

31 - 35 Closet nerd

36 - 40 You dress like people in Walmart ads

41 - 45 You refuse to live anywhere without pizza delivery service

46 - 50 Your social life needs some serious help

51 - 55 YOU need some serious help

56 - 60 You are on first name basis with Radio Shack employees

61 - 65 Your best friend is a microchip

66 - 70 Bill Gates and E. Gary Gygax are your heroes

71 - 75 You own more surge protectors than cooking utensils

76 - 80 "Revenge of the Nerds" poster-child

81 - 85 Hoping to invent Warp Field Theory or transporter technology

86 - 90 Desperately seeking cybernetic interface implanted in your brain

91 - 99 Move over, Einstein

100 Hail, O Nerd Master, virgin sliderulers I sacrifice unto you

I thought this would be funny glad u liked it i get this sent to me in my email so i pass them around

i know but i can be bad at times all in fun lol

One day, a blonde was trying to cook. She put a plastic bag on the stove when it was on high. So the house burned down. The neighbors called the fire department because the blond said she couldn't. The fire department showed up and saw nothing left but ashes on the ground. One firefighter asked the blond," Why the HELL couldn't you call us?" She asked," Well, your phone number is 911, right?" He answered," Yes." She said," Well, DUHHHHHH, there's no 11 button on the phone!!!"

#2)

A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied





#3)

A blonde man showed up at work one day with a black eye. When his co- workers saw him they asked him what had happened. He told them it had happened at church. They didn't believe him, and wanted to know what really happened.

So he told them, "I went to the church. I got on my knees and prayed. When I stood up to sing the hymns, there in front of me was the biggest woman I had ever seen. Her dress was stuck in her butt-crack, so being the gentleman I am, I reached over and pulled it out for her. She did not like that, so she hit me." The guys laughed and ribbed him about it all day.

The next week he showed up to work and his face was beaten really badly! Again the guys asked him what had happened and he told them he'd got beaten up at church. Again they didn't believe him, so he explained, "I went to the church. I got on my knees and prayed. When I stood up to sing the hymns, there in front of me was that same big woman with her dress again stuck up her butt-crack."

At this point the other men interrupted and said, "Please tell us you didn't pull her dress out of her crack again?"

"No, the guy standing beside me did, and I knew she didn't like that, so I shoved it back in."

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and a blonde on board. While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first pig and asks, "Pig #1, do you know your mission?" The pig replies, "Oink oink. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar satellite. Oink oink."

Then NASA Control asks the second pig, "Pig #2, do you know your mission?"

The second pig replies, "Oink oink. Once Pig #1 has completed the trillion dollar satellite launch, close hatch, and go back to Earth. Land shuttle. Oink oink."

Then NASA asks the blonde, "Blonde woman, do you know your mission?"

The blonde woman replies, "Ummmmmmm.... Oh yeah, I remember now. 'Feed the pigs - and DON'T TOUCH A GODDAMNED THING!"

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. “My wife,” the man replied.

“I'm sorry,” said Bill, “what happened to her?”

“My dog bit her and she died.” Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, “My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well.”

Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, “Can I borrow your dog?”

To which the man replied, “Get in line.”

Top 6 Smartass Answers

SMARTASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied.

SMARTASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

SMARTASS ANSWER #4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

SMARTASS ANSWER #3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMARTASS ANSWER #2 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, " Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

SMARTASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006 A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be the boss.

The brain said, "since I control everything and do all the thinking, I should be the boss."

The feet said, "since I carry man where he wants to go and get him in position to do what the brain wants, then I should be the boss."

The hands said, "since I must do all the work and earn all the money to keep the rest of you going, I should be the boss."

And so it went with the eyes, the heart, the lungs, and all the other parts of the body, each giving the reason why they should be the boss.

Finally, the asshole spoke up and said it was going to be the boss.

All the other parts laughed and laughed at the idea of the asshole being the boss. The asshole got so angry that he blocked himself off and refused to function.

Soon the brain was feverish and could barely think, the feet felt like lead weights and was almost too weak to drag the body anywhere, the eyes grew bleary, and the hands hung useless at the sides. All pleaded with the brain to let the asshole be declared the boss.

And so it happened; all the other parts did all the work and the asshole just bossed and passed out a lot of crap.

THE MORAL: You don't have to be a brain to be a boss, just an old asshole.

Alternate moral: No matter how well things are going, it can all be shut down by a single asshole

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'. "His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work." The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the agent said, "Watch this." He told Sniffer to "search". Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.

Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent's arm. The agent said, "Good boy", and he turned to the man and said, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.

"Say, that's pretty neat," replied the first man.

Once again, the agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.

The agent said, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police."

"I like it!" said his seat mate.

The agent then told Sniffer to "search" again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to **** all over the place.

The first man was really grossed out by this behavior and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the agent "What's going on?"

The agent nervously replied, "He just found a bomb."

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The FBI goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold..and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah . It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants downand started. In the deep snow, she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic, and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing, however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about 'what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal. Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.

So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down.' And you thought your first date was embarrassing.

Jay Leno's comment...'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.'

Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.

The Father said, "Top O' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?"

She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father." The Father asked, "And be there any wee little ones yet?"

She replied, "No, not yet, Father."

The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband."

She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father." They then parted ways. Some years later they met again. The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"

She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!"

The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?"

She replied, "Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and four singles, ten in all!"

The Father said, "That's wonderful! How is yer lovin' hoosband doin'?"

She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle."