some of you may have noticed iv not been about as much as usual, but you may not have noticed at all

I got chatting with a girl in Canada, actually, right over the west side of Canada... quite a trek from the UK. We got on real well so i decided to take a flight over, and spent 10 days there. (10 hr flight to Vancouver, then a 1h30 flight from vancouver). We got on really well and i even got on great with her daughter (3years old). I'm not really used to children so i wasn't sure how things would be, but it was all good.

It was hard having to leave to come back here. She had tears, and me, being a guy, put on a brave front and so on. 26 hours later (waiting at airport, time zones etc) and i was back home and ready to go back to my normal life and my career.

I had a bit of a freaky time about a week or so after i got back. I got scared. Could i really do this? I lost confidence in myself and felt i couldnt do this. I avoided her messages, put a distance between us, built my self defence wall. Eventually i spoke to her about it and basically said that i didnt think i could do it. Cue more tears etc.

I realised that really, it was just me being scared of the whole situation. I'm not the most open of people, and that didnt help, as i wasnt communicating how i felt. I spoke to her again and opened up about why i said what i did, and that i didnt mean it, and my fears and so on. I'm glad i did, but i know that open-ness is one of my weaknesses that i have to work on. So we're back to being happy again!

Here's the thing, i really feel that i should be there. I've been working hard on my career over the last few years, up for a promotion over the next week and so on. I'm ready to throw that in (work in that line doesnt seem to come up in her city) and make the big brave leap! I'm staying in my job here for at least the rest of this year, they're letting me do various trade certifications that are globally recognised and will hold me in a stronger chance should the right job opportunity arise.
I'm not sure HOW to pick up and move countries. I may even have to just do it and be an illegal for a period of time. Marriage is not an optional way around it, as she is currently married/seperated, and he's going to drag that out for the full duration!

so thats where im at presently!

i think when you say "WE dont talk like that" you mean we as in african americans. and of course lots of people use ebonics, its just aform of speach. HAVE FUN WITH IT.

same thing if i said hey everyone show off your spanish speaking skills.. you dont see spanish people saying we dont all speak spanish...


oh god now my head hurts