Wow. That says a lot. I'd say to go for it.

sounds good! I look forward to it!

Tanya, I'm putting my little one to bed soon, but will you have time for girl talk tonight? Leave me a note here!

Yes.

Just a fly by hi. I'm off to do some work or something.

I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to kiss you.

And you said it was real and you have no doubts about that. That helps. I still need to process everything though.

Well, I'm tired because I didn't sleep nearly enough this weekend. And all of the other stuff, just because. Have no expectations. The unexpected arrives. And I'm reeling from it.

Hi to all! Wow. I'm very tired, happy, excited, scared, nervous. Yeah.

Oh, my life!

Wow, I wasn't expecting this. So there was no wall, but I think that's a good thing. That first kiss was as it should have been. And I think the fact that there wasn't a wall is significant. But I'm trying not to think too much. Let's just say that I wasn't expecting this. Not at all. But, wow, there it is.

So many options. Too much to think about. But just going to think about having fun for now.

So many options. I like it.

Thanks, Tanya. This weekend is crazy for me though. Not around much and too much work to do. I think I have it sorted out. It's complicated.

Oh my, I'm busy, but wanted to say hi. And I need no matches. I'm busy.

I guess I finally processed this and posted about it. I'm letting him go so I can be free to move on. Yet, I still feel my magic kitchen burning for him. I wish he could find the warmth there, but he's lost. It's ok. I'll just walk my path.

Well, you didn't call me back at all this week, so I imagine we're not seeing each other this weekend. I'm ok with that. You're not ready. You need to deal with your stuff. So I'll just do what I need to do and follow my path. You will walk your path and I will walk mine. If our paths cross again, we will be. The path you are on now though doesn't lead to me. I have no control over that. I'm just accepting the choices that you've made and your right to walk your own path. I wish you peace and love always. And truth, more than anything, I wish you find the truth, whatever that may be for you. I love you and I always will, whether we are together or not. I was so sure that this was it, that it was everything. It can't be though if you don't feel that way too. I know you're confused. I wish you didn't have shoulds. I wish we never lost the path that I thought we were walking together. I know you're just afraid. But I know you saw it. You said it was everything. You felt that. But now you've pulled away and I just have to let you go. You know that I will always be here for you. I don't know where my path will take me now. I don't know if my path will lead me back to you again. And I don't know if your path will lead you back to me. There are some things that we just can't know. They simply are what they are. I thought when all of the big stuff happened that it would cause a shift. I told you at the time that I didn't know if it would be good or bad for me, but that I knew it would affect you and me, us. And it has. I thought it would be good. You were choosing the warrior path there for a while. But now you've gotten lost and drifted away from me. You say that you want to see me, but I don't feel that from you anymore. I know you've shut yourself down where I'm concerned. And again, there's nothing I can do about that. I left the ball in your court and you're standing there holding it, afraid to tell me that you don't want to play anymore. It's ok. I still miss you. I miss our talks. I miss our connection. But now is not the time. Maybe the time will come again. I don't know. This is hard. We found each other again after 27 years. I thought that was it. But now I have to let you go again. I'm not mad at all. I'm just sad. I will miss you. I will be here in some way whenever you need me. And I will love you forever.

I didn't sleep well. I feel horrible. I have to start getting this stuff done. I don't feel like it.

Yeah, there has definitely been a shift in my thinking. I got a message about you tonight. Loud and clear.

So I ate and took the nap. I think I felt worse after the nap. I picked up the new antibiotics, probably a good thing since I ended up with a fever again so the bronchitis is definitely back. I took baby girl to her dance class and had mine too. Jamie was there. Her little girl is in E's new class. And Jamie wants to do tap with me. That would be so cool! She danced with me tonight and it was awesome. I hope she decides to stick with it. I've danced alone for so many years, I would love to dance with someone else again. I didn't get to read anything today. I feel so bad. I don't feel like reading tonight either, but I know the clock is ticking. I'm running out of time. Oh, and Jamie's husband was there and wow...if that wasn't a message. Duh. I'm listening. I got the message. I'm feeling much more relaxed, destressed, and focused now. I'm definitely not as scattered as I had been the past few days. This is good. I need focus. I need to start kicking it with the stuff I need to get done for next week. Then there will be time to kick back for a little bit anyway...before the new life begins. Or something like that.