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Topic:
Rate me please.
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make your face the main profile and the faraway pic your "other" photo, list a few more interests. good luck Agree. And close-up should have better lighting. Open those eyes. You say you're cute, so I bet they're nice. More, more, more info. Who are you? What's your dog's name? What makes you interesting? What kind of woman are you looking for? |
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Agree that thumbnail photos should be full frame photos. Maybe it's just my preference, but I like to see interests listed that would include things a female would consider a date. You have few of those. Expand description. I would hope to get a sense of you as a person. And what you're looking for in a woman. Humor is always humanizing.
Overall you have just barely enough to decide if you're worth messaging. And some of that is your good looks. This is your chance to get someone's attention. Use it. Not more than 5/10. And that's generous. |
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I'm currently in a 'standing date' with a woman too.
We do weekends together (LOL). The only difference is, I don't really desire more than one. I've noticed the dedication and commitment is not as important as it was when I was married. Trust issues do not crop up because we are with each other because we enjoy being with each other. We exist in the moment. We don't cling to expectation fulfillment. Not 'joined at the hip'. Honest acceptance is simple. I like her being her and she likes me being me. We have honest communication and refrain from childish mind games and postures. Its rather refreshing. Sounds perfect |
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Topic:
age and distance
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I dunno. Maybe everyone here is imaginary. After I set my age and location filter. I receive no messages. Lots of views. Apparently all those viewers are outside my criteria and cannot message. Which is better than getting lots of messages from people who would waste my time.
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no way can I narrow it down to only 3.
healthy honest engaging stable well groomed if he passes as all that, then there is an X factor that makes each of us want to spend time together |
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Positive advances in the last couple of days.
I had an opportunity to have that in person conversation with man #1. It was not as difficult as expected. He has no objection to circular dating as described here, with the understanding that he is my only intimate partner. He understands and supports my need to explore who I am and what I want. And appreciates that I was honest and open with him. No jealousy. We agreed that he may choose to have similar relationships with other women. I left it to him to decide if he wants to know if I'm seeing someone else and the status of those relationships. I had similar messaging convos with men #2 and #3. They agree to my terms as dating without intimacy. At least, that's what they claim now. Those online relationships (?) will be progressing to in person when possible. Again, darn Covid makes things difficult, but may have the benefit of taking things slowly. |
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Edited by
Nancy
on
Mon 05/11/20 06:44 AM
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...Ask yourself this honestly; children and grandkids aside; would you now want to relive your life tied to just your late hubby all over again, or, enjoy today's carousel of freedom that young 20-30 something gals enjoy today? ... I am ever grateful to have shared 4+ decades married to my late husband. He was a wonderful man and I was lucky. I would not trade those years, but if I could, I would wish that he had not been ill for 25 years and progressively more disabled over the last 15. That is time I will never get back. And lost opportunities to share with a partner the experiences that you hope for as money and time become more available. Had those years progressed as most couples hope, I would not now feel the need to break free and explore what I missed. |
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Actually, there are dating & relationship coaches who advise a woman to circular date, which is dating more at the same time. This to prevent the woman prematurely gets emotionally attached too much to one guy before the man himself feels that way. Women bond much easier and sooner and many get in chit as they fall for a man while he is just having found and playing the field. <snip> It's been my understanding that the man falls IN love first, the women fall OUT of love first. Men have far "lower" standards for romance and attraction, once a man gets past the shallows, men are romantically driven, women are opportunistically driven. Thus the proven axiom that - all things being equal; women don't date down their social ladder and they all want - and feel they deserve - the top-rung man. The 80/20 rule at work. Just as an other poster said; be honest with all your men. I know I wouldn't - and doubt many other men would either - want to be your foody call while Joe gets the sleepovers. To be blunt: if I just kissed you goodnight at your door and you then go inside and call Joe to come on over and re-arrange your uterus; that's the last you would ever see of me. And don't put in your profile that you "don't want any serial daters": If its OK for YOU to live your lost college years, then you agree that it's OK for the guys you date to behave this way too. Skip. There's a lot here. I have no knowledge of typical male vs female love attachment. I'm probably outside the norm for both. No interest in love at this time. The 80/20 ladder effect may apply to a young woman who is looking for a life mate, and is not yet self supporting with assets. I don't need a man for social status or financial security. I would not make a booty call after a date, but how would you even know? " ...behave this way" is a derogatory way to word what I see as dating more than one man with honesty and without commitment. My profile intentionally excludes my non exclusive preference to avoid attracting men who think I'm looking for multiple sex partners. This is a conversation for after initial contact, when we have enough information about each other to know if there are mutual social interests. They can date whoever they want, but I have been able to weed out a few whose primary interest is to sleep around. That's not my goal. Though I don't know why that would be OK in our 20s, but not in our 60s. |
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One at a time, unless you are (honestly) okay with the same back. Doesn't work for me, but everyone is different. I think my fat finger but report instead of quote. If that happened, I apologize. My response is yes, I'm honestly fine with a man circular dating if he follows the same rules. I'm not into jealousy. That would actually simplify things because there would be no attachments. |
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If one of the guys falls for you, he will be hurt even if he knows about and agrees to to the situation. Not much anyone can do about that. Jealousy could be a problem. Watch out for the posessives, and sore losers. Plenty will be interested, just find a good local meeting forum. Be careful. Thanks. Yes, thought about possible hurt, which I want to avoid; and why man needs to be told. Informed consent. Thought about jealousy, ugh. His problem, not mine. Possessive I hadn't thought of. I would have to watch for signs. Might be some very short relationships. If I can even get two to agree to non exclusive. I may have to reset my expectations. |
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Topic:
love or sex - part 2
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One has nothing to do with the other. You can have sex with out love and love without sex. Sex is a biological function, a hormonal need and can be nothing more than that. Love, in my opinion, is also biological, and can be strengthened through sex, but can also be strengthened through a myriad of other things. Often, we confuse infatuation with love. Infatuation never lasts. Infatuation is fleeting, but through closeness, which can include sex, it can grow into love. SunnyMike, I like you more and more every time I see your posts. You "get it". Alas, two separate continents. Oh well. Dating or relationship does not have to be about love, or sex. Consenting adults can make it about whatever they agree on. If their goals don't align, that's a recipe for disappointment. |
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Nancy I wish I was much closer too. Being 'mature' and wanting to really enjoy life how you like seems to be some sort of taboo; we're not supposed to do that anymore for some reason. My partner and I lived separately and we FWB for years happily, giving heaps of freedom, and together most nights. But you are very attractive Nancy, and I can see why some would want to formally secure your affection long term. Best of luck finding. FWB is what an aunt and uncle eventually settled on. They married and divorced twice. Loved each other, but could not live together. After 2nd divorce my aunt bought a home across street from uncle. They continued being in love for decades and he grieved as a husband when she died. |
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Yes I get the same ,meeting someone once a week would be plenty and I would not want to live with anyone at the moment . Exactly. And I don't think I ever want to live with anyone again. Never say never, but that's how I feel now. |
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Thank you all for your input. I'm sorting it all through my head.
Generally, it seems I can do what I want as long as I'm honest about it. And accept the potential consequences. Some men will say no and walk away. Some may want me to change my plan and then I walk away. |
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Actually, there are dating & relationship coaches who advise a woman to circular date, which is dating more at the same time. This to prevent the woman prematurely gets emotionally attached too much to one guy before the man himself feels that way. Women bond much easier and sooner and many get in chit as they fall for a man while he is just having found and playing the field. Thing with this 'method' is that you only have sex with one, unless of course you want to have sex with them all or more than one. But in general you date more men, but you only sleep with one of them. Normally speaking the argument is along the vein of "If you want it, put a ring on it" (or get committed). But you say you aren't looking for a permanent partner, which makes sense since you haven't been alone for long yet. Then the argument is different: "I currently cannot give more than this." If the guy isn't happy with that, then that's it and you stop dating him. It's basically up to you. Also think upfront what you do when the guys date other women, especially the one you're sleeping with (if at some point there is one). It is really up to you how you fill all this in. It's your life, your choices to make and no one else's. And don't make a thing out of it yourself. After all dating is dating, not a promise for marriage. Thanks. This is helpful. And mirrors some of my thoughts. I do not want to get emotionally attached to anyone. That is part of my reason for what you term circular dating. "But in general you date more men, but you only sleep with one of them." That's what I thought. For multiple reasons. So I would have to choose. Or they may make the choice for me by moving on. "I currently cannot give more than this. " This is good. I will remember it. And I had given no thought to any additional partners the men may have. I would not care. Except as it affects my health safety. So this is a question I have to ask. |
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My naive reply is to always be honest. If the other person is not willing then you have to move on. I agree that many men won't be up for this, even though they may lie and say it's OK. On the other hand as long as you are honest and say it is not an exclusive relationship, then it is up to the men to decide what they want. When dating, honesty always leads to the least stress and heartache. Now, in marriage.... Just kidding Why oh why don't I live in Missouri? 
I know that's a joke, but don't even think about moving to Missouri. I wish I hadn't, and won't be staying. Now that I'm single, this is not the right place for me. |
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Imminent complication.
I'm currently at the early stage of a romantic relationship with one man and continue to look. There is one, possibly two more men, that could lead to dating. I need to have this conversation with the current man, very soon. I screwed up by not making my intentions known on first date. I wasn't trying to hide it. I didn't think about it that day. Due to social distancing, we have been talking on the phone multiple hours daily since then, but we will be meeting in person again soon. This is a face to face conversation. |
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I'm new to dating and appreciate input from those who are single for a longer time.
I'm widowed <1 year after 41+ yr marriage. I'm exploring who I am as a mature single woman. I need time and experiences to decide what I want from dating. It is my hope to date more than one man at a time, if I should get lucky enough to have the opportunity. People have different interests, like to go to different kinds of places, have different kinds of conversations. There were experiences that I missed out on during my marriage because they didn't interest my husband. I'm single now. And I'm not looking for a permanent mate, so I don't want to make those compromises. Am I being unrealistic to think that men will accept a non exclusive relationship? Sex is possibly the biggest barrier. It would be unsafe and unfair to have more than one sexual relationship at a time. If I set that boundary on one person, that could be a deal breaker and make the whole question moot anyway. |
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Topic:
secrets
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what is the difference between a compliment and lustful behavior When you get a smile vs slapped Seriously, if you're really not sure, maybe you need to take a moment and decide if you would word your compliment the same way to your mother or sister. |
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Wish I lived closer. I feel the same, like my independence but it would be nice to have, for lack of a better term, "a standing date".
Best of luck Nancy, hope you find someone to play with. No, wait that doesn't sound right.
Exactly. I want social time and romance with a male partner. I don't want a partner to consume my life or get attached. Not having an easy time finding someone who has the same goal. I think I'm in the wrong part of the country. But I will fix that in about a year. This IS my time to play. Though that word doesn't convey well on a dating site. 
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