HMMM I have hazel eyes but wear green enhancing contacts
where does that leave me ?

Anyone that uses tools, has used tools, thinks about using tools will
appreciate this....

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that
freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under
the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned guitar callouses from fingers in about the time it takes you
to say, "Yeouw s--t...."

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their
holes until you die of old age.

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters. The most often the tool used by all women.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the
conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside
the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or ½
socket you've been searching for, over the last 45 minutes.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground
after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle
firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 4X4: Used for levering an automobile upward
off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known
drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any
possible future use.

RADIAL ARM SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most
shops to scare neophytes into choosing another line of work.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of
everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that
inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end
opposite the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a
drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin,"
which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside,
its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same
rate that 105mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few
hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name
is somewhat misleading. The accessory socket within the base, has been
permanently rendered useless, unless requiring a source of 117vac power
to shock the mechanic senseless.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids,
opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your
shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips
screw heads. Women excel at using this tool.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to
convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning
power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that
travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty
bolts which were last over tightened 30 years ago by someone at Ford,
and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug
nuts.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts
adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Women primarily use it to make
gaping holes in walls when hanging pictures.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well
on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles,
collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts.
Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. It is
also useful for removing large chunks of human flesh from the user's
hands.

DAMNIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage
while yelling "DAMNIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often,
the next tool that you will need.

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load
of seniors down a highwaywhen he is tapped on his shoulder by a little
old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder
again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again
he asks the little old lady,
don't you eat the peanuts yourself?

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.

The puzzled driver asks,
"Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied,?

"We just love the chocolate around them."

It pays to be careful around old people.

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly
change things.

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were
born in 1989.

They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

The CD was introduced the year they were born.

They have always had an answering machine.

They have always had cable.

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or
"de plane Boss, de plane".

McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Do you feel old yet?

I've dated several ladies of varying ethnicities and obviously don't
have a problem with it even though my parents were pretty bigoted and
predjudiced. My Dad: "We're not predjudiced but if you ever bring a
black girl home don't bother coming home" Thankfully I had moved out
about the time I had my 1st date and the issue never came up until after
my divorce. At that time my mother and I discussed what they had said
waaaaay back when (Dad had already passed) and I told her in no
uncertain terms that I intended to see ladies who interested me and if
she EVER made any of them feel uncomfortable for any reason like that
she'd find herself WAY up on my **** list.
I think my feelings on race can be summed up with a comment I made to a
woman I dated who'm I had known since kindergarden....
Her:" I have to tell you that I'm biracial"
Me: "Soooooooo let's see....that means you're human and ?cat, dog,
horse, elk? What race besides human?!?"

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a
methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining
county and he asked me a rhetorical question, ''Why didn't we have a
drug problem when you and I were growing up?''

I replied: I had a drug problem when I was young:

I was drug to church on Sunday morning.

I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.

I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the
weather.

I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.

I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie,
brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of
the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in
everything that was asked of me.

I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and
****leburs out of dad's fields.

I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out
some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline,
or chop some firewood;

and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for
this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.

Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in
everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack,
or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem,
America would be a better place.

Scorpio, Nov 15th

Dan, may I suggest the "rules" ?
I lost 100 lbs and you can check my pics to see the difference just
following the rules I made for myself made. I went from 308 to 205-210
with a simple change in my eating habits.
Believe me, I averaged 10-12 thousand calories a day before I
decided......
#1 Don't eat unless you're hungry
some days that means a couple of meals. Some days a snack in the
evening, but just don't eat JUST to eat.
#2 Stop eating when you're not hungry any more. Take the time to chew
and enjoy the food and you'll feel full before you know it. Then you
have to resist the training we had as a kid to clean your plate (the
hardest part I found)
#3 Don't let yourself get TOO hungry ! ! Otherwise you'll binge and they
still lock the doors on the all you can eat places when I have THAT look
in my eyes.
If you're reasonable active and follow these rules (getting away from
the 6 meal a day habit which means eating just to be eating which I was
doing too) you'll lose the weight. It took about a year but I went from
308-210 and from a 38" waist to a 33" in that time. It doesn't take a
LOT of willpower but it does take some. Best of luck my friend and when
that cheesecake is calling your name feel free to ask for help in
resisting

And for the other JC Fans here, this is a list I found of his songs. The
man was around a LOOOOONG time and obviously pretty prolific!

Johnny Cash Lyrics
All our collection on one page, alphabetically

25 Minutes To Go
A Boy Named Sue
Ballad Of A Teenage Queen
Big River
Bird On A Wire
Bridge Over Troubled Water
Country Boy
Country Trash
Cry, Cry, Cry
Daddy Sang Bass
Delia's Gone
Desperado
Dirty Old Egg-Suckin' Dog
Don't Take Your Guns To Town
Down There By The Train
Drive On
First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
Five Feet High And Rising
Flesh And Blood
Folsom Prison Blues
Get Rhythm
Give My Love To Rose
Green, Green Grass Of Home
Guess Things Happen That Way
Hey Porter
Highwayman
Hurt
I Got Stripes
I Hung My Head
I Never Picked Cotton
I See A Darkness
I Still Miss Someone
I Walk The Line
I Won't Back Down
I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry
I've Been Everywhere
If I Were A Carpenter
In My Life
In The Jailhouse Now
It Ain't Me, Babe
Jackson
Kneeling Drunkards Plea
Let The Train Blow The Whistle
Like A Soldier
Man In Black
Mary Of The Wild Moor
Mean Eyed Cat
Meet Me In Heaven
Memories Are Made Of This
Oh, Bury Me Not
One
One Piece At A Time
Orange Blossom Special
Personal Jesus
Ragged Old Flag
Redemption
Ring Of Fire
Rowboat
Rusty Cage
Sam Hall
San Quentin
Sea Of Heartbreak
Solitary Man
Southern Accents
Spiritual
Starkville City Jail
Streets Of Laredo
Sunday Morning Coming Down
Tear Stained Letter
Tennessee Flat-Top Box
Tennessee Stud
That Lucky Old Sun (Just Rolls Around Heaven All Day)
The Ballad Of Ira Hayes
The Beast In Me
The Man Who Couldn't Cry
The Night Hank Williams Came To Town
The One On The Right Is On The Left
The One Rose
The Rebel-Johnny Yuma
There You Go
Thirteen
Unchained
Understand Your Man
Wanted Man
Wayfaring Stranger
Why Me Lord
Would You Lay With Me (In A Field Of Stone)
Wreck Of The Old '97

Mike, it's "One Piece At a Time"

One Piece At A Time
Well, I left Kentucky back in '49
An' went to Detroit workin' on a 'sembly line
The first year they had me puttin' wheels on cadillacs

Every day I'd watch them beauties roll by
And sometimes I'd hang my head and cry
'Cause I always wanted me one that was long and black.

One day I devised myself a plan
That should be the envy of most any man
I'd sneak it out of there in a lunchbox in my hand
Now gettin' caught meant gettin' fired
But I figured I'd have it all by the time I retired
I'd have me a car worth at least a hundred grand.

[CHORUS]
I'd get it one piece at a time
And it wouldn't cost me a dime
You'll know it's me when I come through your town
I'm gonna ride around in style
I'm gonna drive everybody wild
'Cause I'll have the only one there is a round.

So the very next day when I punched in
With my big lunchbox and with help from my friends
I left that day with a lunch box full of gears
Now, I never considered myself a thief
GM wouldn't miss just one little piece
Especially if I strung it out over several years.

The first day I got me a fuel pump
And the next day I got me an engine and a trunk
Then I got me a transmission and all of the chrome
The little things I could get in my big lunchbox
Like nuts, an' bolts, and all four shocks
But the big stuff we snuck out in my buddy's mobile home.

Now, up to now my plan went all right
'Til we tried to put it all together one night
And that's when we noticed that something was definitely wrong.

The transmission was a '53
And the motor turned out to be a '73
And when we tried to put in the bolts all the holes were gone.

So we drilled it out so that it would fit
And with a little bit of help with an A-daptor kit
We had that engine runnin' just like a song
Now the headlight' was another sight
We had two on the left and one on the right
But when we pulled out the switch all three of 'em come on.

The back end looked kinda funny too
But we put it together and when we got thru
Well, that's when we noticed that we only had one tail-fin
About that time my wife walked out
And I could see in her eyes that she had her doubts
But she opened the door and said "Honey, take me for a spin."

So we drove up town just to get the tags
And I headed her right on down main drag
I could hear everybody laughin' for blocks around
But up there at the court house they didn't laugh
'Cause to type it up it took the whole staff
And when they got through the title weighed sixty pounds.

[CHORUS]
I got it one piece at a time
And it didn't cost me a dime
You'll know it's me when I come through your town
I'm gonna ride around in style
I'm gonna drive everybody wild
'Cause I'll have the only one there is around.

[Spoken] Ugh! Yow, RED RYDER
This is the COTTON MOUTH
In the PSYCHO-BILLY CADILLAC Come on

Huh, This is the COTTON MOUTH
And negatory on the cost of this mow-chine there RED RYDER
You might say I went right up to the factory
And picked it up, it's cheaper that way
Ugh!, what model is it?

Sure you can and in the long run if he's smart he'll appreciate your
honesty.
Believe me, I've heard that far more often than anything else and most
of the time when the lady didn't say such she was just messing with me
anyhow. I'd find out later she was just stringing me on with someone she
was more interested in or waiting for someone better to come along. That
hurts a bunch more than getting a "thanks but no thanks" for whatever
reason right from the start.

The only way for a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old
son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle
and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot", he shouted.
A few moments passed. "An ambulance just drove by . . .. "
A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company", he
called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike . . "
A few moments later, 'Looks like the Sanders are moving . . . "
"Jason is on his skate board . . "
A few more moments, "The Allen's are having sex!"

Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously asked, "How
do you know they are having sex?"

"Jimmy Allen is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle too."

God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated
the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach,
green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so
Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and
Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan
said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said,
"Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it,
add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And
Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman
might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And
Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and
sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman
went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan
presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons
and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman
unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy
vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And
Satan brought forth deep fried fish and
chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own
platter. And Man gained more weight and his
cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named
it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan
then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's
Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His
children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan
gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not
have to toil changing the channels. And Man and
Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue
light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in
fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled
off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center
into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained
pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume
fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And
Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And
Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac
arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a
neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by
Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as
long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a
year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no
answer, he would be put to death.

The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex
even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an
impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the
monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the
priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone,
but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would
have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the
kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to
the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree
to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the
Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only
one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never
encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible
burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared toArthur's life and
the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question
thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own
life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a
great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and
Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a
horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him.
The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The
astounded Lancelot asked what had happened?

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she
appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self
only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to
show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an
old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day,
but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate
moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll
down below. OKAY?



Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the
time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her
own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?


Scroll down












The moral is.....
If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly.

this duck walked into a bar and said "do you have any lemons" the
bartender said "NO" The duck left and then 15 minutes later the duck
came back and said "do you have any lemons The bar keep said "NO" the
duck left he came back 20 minutes later and said "do you have any lemons
the bar keep said "NO and if you come in here again i'm gonna nail your
little webbed feet to the floor" the duck left he came back a half hour
later and said " do have any nails" The bar keep said "no"
the duck said "well in that case do you have any lemons"

http://www.snopes.com/critters/snakes/ballpit.asp

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one
day, so I never have to live without you." --- Winnie the Pooh


"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known
until it be lost." ---Charles Caleb Colton


"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks
out."


"Friendship is one mind in two bodies." ---Mencius


"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."


"If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend." ---Stone
Temple Pilots


"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay." ---Dave
Matthew's band


"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them.
I'd be at the bottom to catch them."


"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best
friends listen to what you don't say."


"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take
a little of each other everywhere." --- Tim McGraw


"My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real
friends, then you've had a great life." ---Lee Iacocca


"Hold a true friend with both your hands." ---Nigerian Proverb


"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it
back to you when you have forgotten the words." ---unknown


"In our daily lives, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us
grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us happy."


"Hold a true friend with both your hands." ---Nigerian Proverb


"I get by with a little help from my friends." The Beatles ;-)

"If you walk in front of me, I may not follow.
If you walk behind me, I may not lead.
If you Walk beside me, I will be your friend." ---Albert Camus

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of
helicopters in it.

2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight-saving time.

3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent
sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.

4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is
entertainment.

5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from
her at that moment.

6. A penny saved is worthless.

7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be
peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is
hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet
except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle
East will be bitter enemies.

8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

9. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep
down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

11. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

12. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.

13. There apparently exists, somewhere in Los Angeles, a computer that
generates concepts for television sitcoms. When TV executives need a new
concept, they turn on this computer; after sorting through millions of
possible plot premises, it spits out, "THREE QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG
PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT," and the executives turn this concept
into a show. The next time they need an idea, the computer spits out,
"SIX QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." Then
the next time, it spits out, "FOUR QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE
LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." And so on. We need to locate this computer and
destroy it with hammers.

14. Nobody is normal.

15. At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very
excited and announce that:

The universe is even bigger than they thought!


There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!


Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.
16. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word
would be "meetings."

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy
people who are not in them.

18. The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite of
what the advertiser actually thinks. For example:

If the advertisement says "This is not your father's Oldsmobile," the
advertiser is desperately concerned that this Oldsmobile, like all other
Oldsmobiles, appeals primarily to old farts like your father.


If Coke and Pepsi spend billions of dollars to convince you that there
are significant differences between these two products, both companies
realize that Pepsi and Coke are virtually identical.


If the advertisement strongly suggests that Nike shoes enable athletes
to perform amazing feats, Nike wants you to disregard the fact that shoe
brand is unrelated to athletic ability.


If Budweiser runs an elaborate advertising campaign stressing the
critical importance of a beer's "born-on" date, Budweiser knows this
factor has virtually nothing to do with how good a beer tastes.
19. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of
its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will
not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

20. You should not confuse your career with your life.

21. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person.

22. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
seriously.

23. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very
often, that individual is crazy.

24. Your friends love you anyway.

25. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Dave Barry

Yes it's as bogus as the women from Russia :
http://www.snopes.com/horrors/parental/archer.asp
No harm no foul Tracy, it just showed your heart was in the right place
by trying to warn others of something you thought was valid.
It doesn't hurt to make people think once in a while about some of the
things they do and let their kids do either. The big problem comes in
knowing where to draw the line otherwise we'd all be never going out of
the house for fear of running into another human being and spending all
of our time on the computer to make up for real life interaction.....
wait......
ummmmmm never mind

I'm not allowed "warm blooded" pets such as a dog or cat (or bird) in
the house I'm renting but I convinced my landlords that the pets I do
have pretty much amount to keeping fish since they live in a 150 gallon
tank.
Cuddles is a 13 foot burmese python and Betty is an 8 foot redtail boa.
No barking to bother the neighbors
No messing on the carpet or tearing up furniture or woodwork
The only time there's any smell is if they "void" and spill their water
on it because the stool is dry and weighs about as much as styrofoam.
Their urine hardens into a lump of chalklike stuff within minutes. They
make those "messes" about a week after eating and it's a cinch to clean
up.
Feed them once a month and a week later clean the tank which takes about
15 minutes.
Other than making sure there's a reliable heatsource (they have to be
kept between 85-90F) and a good supply of water and there's not much
more upkeep than having a pet rock!
No need for a petsitter or kennel when I want to go on vacation either.
Before anyone freaks out they should know I handle them nearly every day
and they're extremely socialized. I take them out in public all the time
and often to the bar where I shoot pool. I'm always careful never to
"surprise" or scare anyone with them and actually do my best to educate
those who'll risk overcoming their fears by letting them touch and
eventually hold them. I've converted a LOT of snake phobics with Cuddles
because he's just a big sissy and loves being held.