LOL

SAD BUT TRUE!!

Republicans are sexy.

I see most of the nation is democratic. ughh ugly people suck.. and so do their lame jokes.

and all this and more are reasons why I work for WALGREENS. haha. seriously they treat their employees and customers amazing =]
been with them for nearly three years and love it.

It's actually a lot harder to go pro as a bowler.. see football, soccer, basketball, hockey, baseball.. those all have drafts are the major sports that people watch.. I bowled varsity all 4 years in high school.. the only other people at the lanes were student's parents..

everyone needs to stop complaining about NJ. we're the best stay.. i'm jersey born and raised. if you don't like NJ they get the f'uck out.

true or not it's still f'uckin funny as hell!! lol

were you following my kitty around again? sounds just like him lol

hahahaha that's a great one!

hahaha oh sh!t that's awesome

PLP you win for tasteless jokes and worst grammar and spelling. This is a JOKES forum not a "let's b!tch and moan about the jokes forum in the jokes forum"..

As the phrase goes "If you're complaining to a friend or foe- it's b!tching... When you complain to the uppers (chain of commands) then it's called 'doing something to fix the situation'." So quit your b!tchin.

I've been working at Walgreens for 2 1/2 years now.. all our customers are literally this crazy. she'd blend right in perfectly.. haha.

Better spelling and grammar?

ok, seriously, ladyblack67 can you explain what "normal" is? they're jokes.. if you don't like it- don't read it. quit your b!tchin, k thanks.

holy crap.. why is everyone making such a big deal?

it's a joke. he probably got it from some random website. it's meant for a quick laugh.. not some hormone persuded b!tch fest.

you don't see me getting all heated when everyone else posts blonde and Polish jokes.. while some I do find offensive, I know they're just jokes and hey if you can't learn laugh at yourself then that's just sad. grow up. and go find something better to do.. like oh i don't know- find dates instead of complaining about a stupid joke. afterall i thought this was a dating site not a "hey let's attack each other in the forums" site.

wow people.. how old are we? learn to take a joke.

WOW. Bad grammar really drives me nuts! It's worse then what he's trying to say because it makes it confusing and incoherent to read.

I'm also on plentyoffish... met a guy there and have been dating for nearly 3 weeks now =]

don't give up =]

Yeah, Im from jersey, have been all my life. I'm gonna give you everything about jersey, the good, the bad, and the ugly. First. New Jersey people are conceited. It's true. We hate everyone else. And we think we are better than everyone else. And we never stop talking about how great new jersey is. Then we tell people to "shut the **** up" when they tell us all we talk about is jersey. I just recently was in the south and I can honestly say, that I do think I am better than them. It's not my fault. It's cause I'm from jersey. My friends and I were the rudest, most obnoxious people there. Everyone just stared at us. Then we saw other rude people, and I asked them where they were from. They said jersey. Why are New Jersey people self centered? Because we have reason to be. First of all, some of the most famous people have come from our state. Just to name A FEW Frank Sinatra, Bruce Springsteen, Kevin Smith, Whitney Houston, Martha Stewart, Lauryn Hill, Catch 22, Anne Hathaway, Queen Latifa, My Chemical Romance, Bon Jovi, Jack Nicholson, Bruce Willis, The Four Seasons, Danny Devito, Tom Cruise .. and the list goes on. Not only do we have famous people, we rank in the top 10 of smartest states every year. Not only are we smart and famous... we're rich. Bergen , Somerset , Morris, and Hunderton counties rank as in the counties top 15 richest counties. And despite the slums of Newark (yes, Newark , not New ark) and Camden which are some of the countries most dangerous places to live, we have 4 of the top 10 safest cities to live in the US . And we smell? Yeah, we do. New Jersey smells like ASS. On the turnpike, between exits 14 and 17. That's like, 5 percent of the entire state.. Bayonne , Port Newark , and Secaucus. And the surrounding areas. That's it. The majority of the state smells like trees. Because the majority of the state is trees. In fact, three of New Jersey 's cities rank in the countries top 10 least polluted cities. So shove it. New Jersey is ideal. I live 30 minutes away from New York City and 30 minutes away from the famous jersey shore, which by the way is amazing. You think your beach is better? **** you. Why do you think MTVs true life had an episode titled "I'm a Jersey Shore girl." Because it's the best ****ing shore in the country. And its 15 minutes to the nearest mall -- 20 minutes to the next, and a half hour to the next. I just counted .. 7 malls within a half hour of my house. Find me another state that has all that to offer. Yeah, we have accents. Who gives a ****? Everyone has an accent. And no, we don't say "Joisey." We do say "cawfee and tawk." But I can tell you it's a hell of a better accent than you *****es from the south. And WE can't drive? NO. YOU can't drive. Like I said before, I was just in the south. The speed limit sign read: speed limit 60.. minimum 45. WHAT? That's why you people can't drive. Who has a minimum speed limit? New Jersey drivers like pissing other people off solely because of the reputation. This is what we will do just letting you know if we see out of state license plates, we'll tailgate your ass. Probably because you're only doing the speed limit and we want to go 20 over. Then, we'll cut you off and go slow in front of you. Because we can. And because when you go home you're gonna complain about us. We like it, it doesn't bother us. And that's what we want. We like fast things. Things move too slow in other states. You can tell that someone's from New Jersey by the way they walk. They walk really fast and have a strut that says "I'm better than you." Music scene? Amazing. Remember Hunka Bunka?...DJais, and last but definitely not least TEMPTS!!! Enough said. We also have the best local bands And the rap scene? I don't know much about that ... but I know it's there. And I know it's good. And obviously the club scene. You don't know club music until you come into New Jersey SERIOUSLY. "We don't pump our gas we pump our fists." Just shut the **** up until you go to Seaside boardwalk or Belmar. You'll probably see some of the trashiest, skankiest girls and some of the most guido, gelled up hair, armani exchange wearing boys that take too many steroids and have too much sex But they are gorgeous and they know how to dance better than anyone you ever met in your life. So yeah, the stereotype that all jersey chicks are trashy, is true ... but only if you go to Seaside . That's pretty much it. The rest of the state is full of confident, beautiful people that speak their mind. The majority of Jersey people are Italian or wish they were . And drink too much beer and smoke too much pot. But, we all love each other. I was at a party the other day and I met these guys that were best friends ... a scene kid, an abercrombie wearing kid, and a ghetto kid. Why? Because we don't give a **** about labels. We throw the sickest parties in the woods. What else? Giants, Jets, Nets, and of course the Devils. They're better than you. So shut the **** up. And we have more Yankee fans than New York City . Come to jersey with a sox hat on ... I ****in dare you! Hungry? Don't worry. We have 24 hour diners. A million of them. We also have Hoboken which has some of the finest places to eat. And you have not had real Italian food until you come here. Okay? Shut up. And oh yeah, we say "yo." Often. And "****." I don't complain that you say "y'all" so don't complain that I say "yo." To sum up New Jersey , yeah, most of the stereotypes are true, probably for about 5 percent of the state. The rest of the state is beautiful. And yeah, we hate you. We love ourselves. Wanna know why? Because all you *****es hate us. How would you feel if the other 49 states spent all their time talking ****? We deserve to be our own country cause we're that cool.

some driving tips:

You must first learn to pronounce the city name; it is New-erk not New-ark.


The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.


The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. On the parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered "Wussy."


Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Monmouth county, SUV-driving, cellphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.


If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cursed out, and possibly shot.

Never honk at anyone. And do NOT flash your lights. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

Tailgating someone will also get you flipped off, cursed off and most likely shot.

Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.


Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubber-neckers, shredded tires,cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the Homeless feeding on any of these items.


Mapquest does not work here -- none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and all the Turnpike ez pass lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting.


If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."


If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.


Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.




You Know You're from New Jersey When...

...you recognize or can relate to at least 10 of these:

You've been seriously injured at Action Park.
You know that the only people who call it "Joisey" are from New York (usually The Bronx) or Texas.
You don't think of citrus when people mention "The Oranges."
You know that it's called "Great Adventure," not "Six Flags."
You've ordered a hard roll with butter for breakfast.
You've known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.
You've eaten at a diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at 3 am.
Whenever you park, there's a Camaro within three spots of you.
You remember that the "Two Guys" were from Harrison.
You know that the state isn't one big oil refinery.
At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and you know what town Jon Bon Jovi is from.
You know what a "jug handle" is.
You know that a WaWa is a convenience store.
You know that the state isn't all farmland.
You know that there are no "beaches" in new Jersey - there's "The Shore," and you know that the road to the shore is "The Parkway" not "The Garden State Highway."
You know that "Piney" isn't referring to a tree.
Even your school cafeteria made good Italian subs, and, you call it a "sub" not a "submarine sandwich" or worse yet, a "hoagy" or a "hero."
You remember the song from the Palisades Park commercials.
You know how to properly negotiate a Circle.
You knew that the last question had to do with driving.
You know that "Acme" is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros creation.
You know that this is the only "New..." state that doesn't require "New" to identify it (like, try ...Mexico, ...York, ...Hampshire (doesn't work, does it?).
You know how to translate this conversation: "Jeet yet?" "No, Jew?"
You only go to New York City for day trips, and you only call it "The City."
You know that a "White Castle" is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast food sandwich.
You consider a corned beef sandwich with lettuce and mayo a sacrilege.
In the 80's you wore your hair REALLY high.
You don't think "What exit" (do you live near?) is very funny.
You know that the real first "strip shopping center" in the country is Route 22.
You know that people from 609 area code are "a little different."
You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton - that's for out-of-staters.
The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar.
You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.
You can see the Manhattan skyline from some part of your town.
You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.
Every year, you had at least one kid in your class named Tony.
You know where every "clip" shown in the Sopranos opening credits is.
You've gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of Willowbrook Mall.
You've eaten a Boardwalk cheesesteak with vinegar fries.
You have a favorite Atlantic City casino.
You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.
And finally...
You've never pumped your own gas.


It's funny how the "NY" Giants and "NY" Jets play in New Jersey.

i have driven in NY many times.. i live roughly 10 minutes from the lincoln tunnel/ i HATE ny drivers.

Green. But not just any green.. there's a green i made when i was mixing Oil paints and I fell in love with it lol. but black, gray and white are not colors. lol.