Iam searching...
Any words you might remember in the passage I might hunt for?

Matthew 6
1. Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.
2. Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
3. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth:
4. That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.
5. And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
6. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
7. But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.
8. Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.
9. After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
10. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
11. Give us this day our daily bread.
12. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
13. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

Daniel 10
In the third year of Cyrus king of Persia a thing was revealed unto Daniel, whose name was called Belteshazzar; and the thing was true, but the time appointed was long: and he understood the thing, and had understanding of the vision. In those days I Daniel was mourning three full weeks. I ate no pleasant bread, neither came flesh nor wine in my mouth, neither did I anoint myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled. And in the four and twentieth day of the first month, as I was by the side of the great river, which is Hiddekel; Then I lifted up mine eyes, and looked, and behold a certain man clothed in linen, whose loins were girded with fine gold of Uphaz: His body also was like the Beryl, and his face as the appearance of lightning, and his eyes as lamps of fire, and his arms and his feet like in colour to polished brass, and the voice of his words like the voice of a multitude. And I Daniel alone saw the vision: for the men that were with me saw not the vision; but a great quaking fell upon them, so that they fled to hide themselves. Therefore I was left alone, and saw this great vision, and there remained no strength in me: for my comeliness was turned in me into corruption, and I retained no strength. Yet heard I the voice of his words: and when I heard the voice of his words, then was I in a deep sleep on my face, and my face toward the ground. And, behold, an hand touched me, which set me upon my knees and upon the palms of my hands. And he said unto me, O Daniel, a man greatly beloved, understand the words that I speak unto thee, and stand upright: for unto thee am I now sent. And when he had spoken this word unto me, I stood trembling. Then said he unto me, Fear not, Daniel: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words. But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me one and twenty days: but, lo, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me; and I remained there with the kings of Persia. Now I am come to make thee understand what shall befall thy people in the latter days: for yet the vision is for many days. And when he had spoken such words unto me, I set my face toward the ground, and I became dumb. And, behold, one like the similitude of the sons of men touched my lips: then I opened my mouth, and spake, and said unto him that stood before me, O my lord, by the vision my sorrows are turned upon me, and I have retained no strength. For how can the servant of this my lord talk with this my lord? for as for me, straightway there remained no strength in me, neither is there breath left in me. Then there came again and touched me one like the appearance of a man, and he strengthened me, And said, O man greatly beloved, fear not: peace be unto thee, be strong, yea, be strong. And when he had spoken unto me, I was strengthened, and said, Let my lord speak; for thou hast strengthened me. Then said he, Knowest thou wherefore I come unto thee? and now will I return to fight with the prince of Persia: and when I am gone forth, lo, the prince of Grecia shall come. But I will shew thee that which is noted in the scripture of truth: and there is none that holdeth with me in these things, but Michael your prince.

Greetings in Christ to one and all. I had an answer to prayer today. I was struggling to sand the baseboards in the three houses with odd numbers in the street of six houses. My boss had told me when I arrived at work to get out my knee pads and start sanding all the baseboards in 677. When I came to him and said I had that done he said “Good, now do 679”. I was praying to God, asking Him to show me how this work I was doing was helping the creation He had made. I asked to have some sign that what I was going was doing some good to someone. No sooner had I lifted up this prayer than my boss came to me out of breath. The big boss had just been there. He didn’t want us painting the odd numbered buildings. He wanted the even ones done. I was able to get up off my knees and start the work of getting the even numbered units ready to be painted.
God does not always answer our prayers just the way we might expect or like. But I find He does answer prayer. It was a blessing to me at one in the afternoon to be able to get off my knees. Lord, I thank You.

Thanks to you guys I had a good birthday. Now dirt and I are aproximatly the same age.

If elected, what will you do about spam?

Greetings,
Rain in Western Maryland. wish I was back in New Hampshire where they are getting the snow.

I hate turbulance

Parody or not, reading down through this makes one think.

Luke 15
11. And he said, A certain man had two sons:
12. And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living.
13. And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living.
14. And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want.
15. And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine.
16. And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him.
17. And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!
18. I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee,
19. And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants.
20. And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
21. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.
22. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet:
23. And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry:
24. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.
25. Now his elder son was in the field: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard musick and dancing.
26. And he called one of the servants, and asked what these things meant.
27. And he said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound.
28. And he was angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father out, and intreated him.
29. And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends:
30. But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf.
31. And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine.
32. It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.

I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth.

I love when that happens

No original source listed...Ahem...er...um.....yeah...

God's Total Quality Management Questionnaire


God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.

Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely
confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about your Deity?

___ Newspaper
___ Bible King James version
___ Torah
___ Book of Mormon
___ Koran
___ Divine inspiration
___ Dead Sea Scrolls
___ My mama done tol' me My Mother also told me
___ Near-death experience My near death experience lead to a reaffirming of my faith
___ Near-life experience I now have life eternal
___ National Public Radio
___ Tabloid
___ Burning shrubbery
___ Just Say Hi Forum God shows that he is almighty right here on this forum
___ Other (specify): _____________



2. Which model Deity did you acquire?

___ Yahweh
__X_ Father, Son & Holy Ghost [Trinity Pak]
___ Jehovah
__X_ Jesus
___ Krishna
___ Zeus and entourage [Olympus Pak]
___ Odin and entourage [Valhalla Pak]
___ Allah
___ Satan
___ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
___ None of the above; I was taken in by a false god
___ All of the above



3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?

_X__ Yes
___ No

If not, please describe the problems you initially encountered here. Please indicate all that apply:

___ Not eternal
___ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire universe
___ Not omniscient
___ Not omnipotent
___ Not infinitely plastic (incapable of being all things to all creations)
___ Permits sex outside of marriage
___ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
___ Makes mistakes (Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Helms)
__X_ Makes or permits bad things to happen to good people
God lets rain fall on the just and well as the unjust
___ When beseeched, doesn't stay beseeched
___ Requires burnt offerings
___ Requires virgin sacrifices
___ Plays dice with the universe



4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a Deity?

Please check all that apply.

__X_ Indoctrinated by parents
___ Needed a reason to live
___ Indoctrinated by society
___ Needed focus on whom to despise
___ Imaginary friend grew up
___ Graduated from the tooth fairy
___ Hate to think for myself
_X__ Wanted to meet girls/boys
___ Fear of death
___ Wanted to piss off parents
___ Needed a day away from work
__X_ Desperate need for certainty
___ Like organ music
___ Need to feel morally superior
___ Thought Jerry Falwell was cool
___ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it



5. Have you ever worshipped a Deity before? If so, by which false god were you fooled?

Please check all that apply.

___ Mick Jagger
___ Rajanish
___ Baal
_X__ The almighty dollar
_X__ Bill Gates
___ Left-wing liberalism
___ The radical right
___ Ra
___ Beelzebub
___ Barney T.B.P.D.
___ The Great Spirit
___ The Great Pumpkin
___ The sun
___ Elvis
___ Cindy Crawford
___ The moon
___ TV news
___ Burning shrubbery
___ Other: ________________ Football



6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God?

Please check all that apply.
___ Tarot
___ Lottery
___ Astrology
_x__ Television
___ Fortune cookies
___ Ann Landers
___ Psychic Friends Network
___ Dianetics
___ Palmistry
___ Playboy and/or Playgirl
___ Self-help books
___ Sex, drugs, rock and roll
___ Biorhythms
___ Alcohol
___ Bill Clinton
___ Tea leaves
___ EST
___ CompuServe Windows XP Pro
___ Mantras
___ Jimmy Swaggert
___ Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle)
___ Human sacrifice
___ Pyramids
___ Wandering in a desert
___ Burning shrubbery
___ Barney T.B.P.D.
___ Barney Fife
_X__ Just Say Hi Forum
___ Other:___________



7. God employs a limited degree of divine intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith.

Which would you prefer? (circle one)

a. More divine intervention
b. Less divine intervention
c. Current level of divine intervention is just right
d. Don't know ... What's divine intervention?



8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles.

Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 his handling of the following
(1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):

Disasters:
1 2 3 4 5 flood
1 2 3 4 5 famine
1 2 3 4 5 earthquake
1 2 3 4 5 war
1 2 3 4 5 pestilence
1 2 3 4 5 plague
1 2 3 4 5 spam
1 2 3 4 5 AOL
1 2 3 4 5 American Politics
1 2 3 4 5 Corporate Ownership
1 2 3 4 5 Jerry Lewis

Miracles:
1 2 3 4 5 rescues
1 2 3 4 5 spontaneous remissions
1 2 3 4 5 stars hovering over jerkwater towns
1 2 3 4 5 crying statues
1 2 3 4 5 water changing to wine
1 2 3 4 5 walking on water
1 2 3 4 5 VCRs that set their own clocks
1 2 3 4 5 Saddam Hussein still alive
1 2 3 4 5 getting any sex whatsoever
1 2 3 4 5 Just Say Hi Mutual Match



9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary.)

If you are able to complete the questionnaire and return it to one of our conveniently located drop-off boxes by December 31, you will be entered in the "One Free Miracle of Your Choice" drawing (chances of winning are approximately one in 6.023 x 10^23, depending on number of beings entered).

*** This is a Parody Disclaimer ***

Our sermon tonight was given by the missionary our church has sent to Japan. He is a gifted speaker. It felt tonight like he was talking straight to me and my situation. God is great and talks to us in many ways. He talks to us through prayer, circumstance, through the word of the Bible, through other Christians and through our local churches. I feel like I know better the will of our Lord tonight.
Winnie, it sounds like you do have God’s ear. That is great!

Our God listens and answers the prayers lifted up to Him in rightiousness.

You are in our prayers Redykeulous

Amen Deb, Amen God God is great
Remember the reason for this season.

Amen... Amen

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.

I have enjoyed this Random question thread. I went to each person’s profile as I read their entry. I had a good time with this tread, thank you.
My random answer would have to be… I would like people to see who I am inside. My outside does not tell who I am inside. It is hard for people to understand who I am by a casual glance. I am fumbling for words.