A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am.

'About 32,' is the reply.'

'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.' The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'

Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 old ex sailor and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead'

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay....How old am I?'

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'

The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?'

'I promise I won't' she says.

'I was behind you at McDonalds."

I can't access mine either this morning

nope, because I'm looking for an older man...LOL....

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'It's my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you when we're making love,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser ... at half the price.'

Hello and welcome to Mingle

you haven't send me one yet...LOL

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'

Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'

The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'

The minister fainted..

A girl came skipping home from school one day.

"Mommy, mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and al the other
kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4,
5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.

"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mother.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

"Mommy, mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and
all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See: A,
B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

''Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

"Mommy, mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we
showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!' And
she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs."

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

''No honey, it's because you're 24."

What if men & women swapped genitals!

Top ten things men would do if they woke up and
had a vagina for a day:

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and
cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand held mirror for an hour
and a half.

8. See if they could finally do splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping
pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their
crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10
minutes...BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still
be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam
and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for
breasts too


...And, The Number One thing men would do
if they woke-up with a vagina....

1. Finally find that damned G-spot!




The top ten things women would do if they woke up
and had a penis for a day:

10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

9. Get a blow job.

8. Find out what is so fascinating about
beating the meat.

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men
at a urinal.

6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl
consistently,

5. Find out what it's like to be on the other
end of a surging orgasm.

4. Touch/shift yourself in public without
thought as to how improper it may seem.

3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to
see if it feels as funny as it looks.

2. Understand the scientific reason for the
light refraction which occurs between a man's
eyes and the ruler situated next to his member
which causes two inches to be added to the
final measurement.

And, The Number One thing women would do if
they woke up with a penis...

1. Repeat number 9!

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, "I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough".

"Dad, what are you talking about?'" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer", the father says. "We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her".

Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like hell they're getting divorced", she shouts, "I'll take care of this".

She calls Scotland immediately and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?"and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
"Done! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way."

From Philippines....Merry Christmas to you and to all people here in Mingle

I do need one but my problem is....true love never need me

check out this sites..

sell.com
etsy.com
ioffer.com
amazon.com

or make your own website ...goodluck...

Hi and welcome to Mingle-you are a good looking 60 yr old.....just be patient and goodluck

"means you are yucky and stinct" LOL

Kiss on the Forehead : We're cute together.
Kiss on the Cheek : We're friends.
Kiss on the Hand : I adore you.
Kiss on the Neck : I want you , NOW.
Kiss on the Shoulder : Your perfect.
Kiss on the Lips : I LOVE YOU

It is an imaginary area located off the southeastern Atlantic coast of the United States, which is noted for unexplained losses of ships, small boats, and aircraft. During the past century more than 50 ships and 20 aircraft sailed in this area and they disappeared. Nobody knows what happened to these ships and aircraft because they used to disappear without any trace.

There is some inexplicable force within this area that caused ships and planes to vanish.

There are countless theories which attempted to explain these disappearances. The majority of disappearances might be due to the area's unique environmental features.

Hello and welcome to Mingle

uhhhggg.."real woman" is already taken...but Welcome to Mingle

" I hate him"