It annoys me beyond measure that my problems have caused me to resort to this, but I may as well try anyway.

I have a strap-on harness. I bought it quite some time ago because I was repeatedly finding girls who wanted to nail me with one but didn't have one, or didn't bring it, or weren't ready, or this, that or the other problem. Ever since then it has sat in a drawer. Two people have attempted to use it on me, but they were both too big to wear it, so it never actually got inserted anywhere.

Long story short, if you give it to me, I'll give it to you. Put a condom over it so we won't need to use arcane sterilizing measures to make it acceptable for vaginal use again, then try to put the thing on and get it in me, and if that doesn't work for whatever reason, we can still have some kind of fun. Afterward, I'll let you keep the thing free of charge, so you can continue to use it and have it used on you at your leisure. I kind of want to get rid of it anyway, since I'd really like to get a feeldoe, but feel stupid buying one when I already have this and it was so damned expensive.

This can be a one time thing, or the beginning of a friendship, makes no difference to me. Either way, I'd prefer some cuddling in addition to whatever else we do. If you're a lesbian and not at all flexible, we can do only that for all I care, just take this damn thing. I can host almost any time, and can travel with planning.

It's the only thing I could ever be in. Not so much because of the sex, although I do enjoy that part of it. What bothers me more is the idea of "emotional fidelity." My friends, especially those I have the opportunity to become intimate with, are very important to me. The concept of any one of them being more or less important doesn't really apply. Lemonade requires lemons, sugar, and water, and isn't lemonade if any one of them is missing. That is how the people I choose are important to me. Asking me to sever a relationship with somebody seems cruel and selfish from my perspective.

I can, to a certain extent, understand how monogamy works for others. Open relationships aren't for everybody, but I'm certain they're for me. If somebody ever asked me to choose between them and another person, I would always choose against them, because they don't understand me well enough for me to stay in a relationship with them.

I am bi, and poly, and I have a pile of kinks a mile high. I don't, as such, have any gender identity issues: I like my body, and I like using it, and I don't want to change it. But even though I am male, in all the ways that seem to matter to other people, I'm not a man, and can't ever be one.

I form strong mental/emotional connections with people very quickly. The things I like to do most are talking, cuddling, and examining the literary, cinematic, and gaming arts. Sports and cars bore me, and I don't even like the idea of bars because they are noisy. The main thing I want to do with my life is care for people who are important to me, and with that in mind, the thing I would like most is to find a woman to love and care for, and raise a family with her. I do not believe that there is anything else I could ever seriously make a career out of, and thus, though I'm not the greatest housekeeper, I believe that I am a natural-born homemaker. Around a person I love, I tend to be very affectionate and servile, and must know all about their problems and discomforts so I can try to help. Sexually and sometimes romantically, I enjoy the feeling of being used, because it makes me feel useful, a sensation I have precious little of due to my niche skillset and limited energy. I am fat, and I very much like being fat, and don't want to be anything other than fat. Though I sometimes have a bit of a temper, I don't have it in me at all to be violent except in protection of my loved ones, and I will always talk about my feelings before fighting about them. All of these things are traits that would make it easier to find a partner if I were a woman, but make it nearly impossible as a man. (Except the fatness I guess, but even that's easier to deal with as a woman. BHM is a much newer term than BBW.)

Because of this, I don't think any straight woman will ever really love me. Straight women, even those who wouldn't mind having a houseboy, tend to see my goals and dreams instead as excuses I make for problems in my life. Even if they are goal-oriented, career-driven types they expect me to also be one, or else I am pathetic in their eyes. I have testicles, so if I'm not willing to be the breadwinner, then I must be lazy. I put a premium on affection and emotions, so I must be clingy.

I wonder if there are any lesbians or bisexuals out there who would be okay with the fact that their "girlfriend" has a penis, and wants very much someday to make babies with it and give them "her" name. The idea of having a feminine persona takes alot of effort and money, so I've never tried it, but I've always liked the idea of dressing up pretty and being smooth, so if the right lady needs me to be a "girl" and is willing to help make that happen, I'd try it for her.

A note I should probably make since lots of people I talk to are bothered by it: while I am not at all involved in it as of now and have no plans for it in the foreseeable future due to being broke, I do have one stereotypically masculine interest. I very much like guns, and would like very much to make a hobby of them someday. Especially in Massachusetts, many people are going to be uncomfortable about that, so I feel I should make it known.

*checks his pegging thread*

Nope, no cool chicks in Mass. All boring here. :|