A traffic warden approaches a man who's just getting into his car that he left on a double yellow line. They exchange a few terse words before the warden decides to take down his details.
"Profession?" the warden barks.
"I'm an arse hole stretcher." says the man calmly.
The warden looks at him blankly. "A what?"
"An arse hole stretcher," the man repeats. "we stretch arse holes. We do it gradually, of course. First we stretch them to a foot, then to two two feet, and then to three until finally we get them to between five and a half to six feet."
"What the hell do you do with a six foot arse hole?" asks the bewildered officer.
"Generally we turn them into Traffic Wardens..."

(sorry, don't know the american for a traffic warden but they are neo-nazi civilians who work for the local authorities who hand out parking tickets)

A husband and wife were supposed to go on a trip to Florida together, but the wife was delayed and the husband went a day ahead of her. When the man checked in he saw there was a computer in his room so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally typed the wrong email address and without realizing his error, he sent the message.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Wisconsin a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from her relatives and friends. After reading the first message she fainted dead away. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife
Subject: I've just reached my destination
Date: 13 Oct 2006

I’m sure you are surprised to hear from me. I’ve just arrived and been checked in. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to sent emails to your loved ones! I also checked and found that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Look forward to seeing you.

P.S. It’s really hot down here!