I've been here several months and have only been contacted by a nice woman- interested in friendship- and a very young 20 something male, which I find odd, since I turned 40 today and I believe my profile stated that I was looking for someone much older.

Apparently single/divorced AZ have a hard time connecting. It's probably the heat. Makes us all a little crazy.

I've been contacted by a couple of men out of the state, and out of the country, but I think they were more interested in attaining a green card, rather than a real relationship with me.

A lot of men do this, too. Men can be very nasty, as well.

To all those that had to make a remark, this was just supposed to be for fun, that's all. No one said you had to do it. But why the comments?

Personality traits: Rudeness, male chauvinism, dishonesty, lack of integrity, control freak, arrogance, lack of respectfulness for others, lack of empathy, unable to talk and communicate (Had 10 years of that crap and don't want any more!), heavy drinkers (I actually don't drink, and would prefer that my mate doesn't either, but if he drank once in awhile, say, while out having dinner or something, that's fine- just let me drive home, okay?), smokers (I'm an asthmatic- this would be bad. Very, very bad!)

Physical traits: Body odor or poor oral hygiene

Physical traits I find... off-putting: Weight extremes (way too thin or morbidly obese- although most things in between do not turn me off), tattoos that cover everywhere (actually, I'm not a tattoo person at all. It doesn't bother me if people have them, but I don't find it all that attractive in a mate- maybe one or two small ones, but nothing more), I'm not overly fond of beards or mustaches, especially the ones that are bushy and messy. (If I'm in a relationship with someone, I plan to do a lot of kissing, and the idea of getting a bunch of hair in my mouth every time makes me want to gag- hair ball!), lot's of body piercings. That kind of falls under the whole "tattoo" thing with me, if someone gets them, that's cool, but I'm not looking for a mate that has any, really, makes me a little queasy, all those holes and things poked through them...)

I don't agree with that.

If I had to pick celebrity crushes, they all have very different looks: David Duchovny, Leonardo DiCaprio, Johnny Depp, Sean Astin. Most of them have a very different look, yet I find them all appealing. But the way you state it, only one look should be universally sexy? Or is it because none of them are "fat"? (Again, this is what it always comes down to, isn't it? )

Another detractor to your theory, is that I would not want a muscular man. I mean, if I met someone and he happened to have some muscles and we hit it off, I probably wouldn't mind, but to me, it's intimidating. I'm pretty small, height wise, and big, muscular guys just don't do it for me. Now, surprisingly, I wouldn't mind a tall man, say 6 feet or a few inches taller. I feel the same with skinny men. I would not care for a bean pole kind of form for my ideal mate. I would rather be with someone that is overweight than has no meat on his bones at all.

I thought men liked curves. I know there is a difference between curvy and "rolls", but curvy women are rarely "skinny". Back in the middle ages, I think it was, people who were overweight were actually considered to be more beautiful, robust and healthy looking. Skinniness was a sign of poverty, malnutrition, possibly disease. Now, I'm not saying that's the case today- although sometimes it CAN be a sign of an eating disorder- and I know some people have a natural tendency towards being thin, while others have genes that make it harder for them to lose weight, but shouldn't it be what's on the inside that matters most?

I've heard of men who have dated beautiful women, and women that have dated handsome men, and a lot of those "beautiful" and "handsome" people were pretty ugly on the inside.

But hey, if all men only want a skinny wife, thanks for the heads up. I now can stop wasting my time and just delete my account from all the dating sites, since I realize now I am so undesirable to the opposite sex. All of them, apparently.

Aw, thanks!

I think if you are respectful of other people's beliefs, it wouldn't be too much of a problem, but I also agree that having a like-minded philosophy with your significant other is easier/better, because how one feels, thinks and what they believe will come into play when making important decisions.

That said, I feel for you. Atheist men have a hard time finding women? Well, as a feminist woman, I have a hard time finding men. A lot of them think that is a dirty word.

Really? I didn't think so. Then again, I'm a writer and an avid reader, so...

Sci-Fi Geek!

LMAO! Well, all right.

*Gets into character* "Yub nub!" (I played an Ewok in a Christmas play at school in both 8th and 9th grade.)

(Wow, I think another nick name I should have is complete and utter nerd!)

What bugs me is when I get matched by the site (not always this site) to men that are definitely NOT in the age range I chose. I'm going to be 40 on the 25th of this month. I just got divorced from a man 9 years my junior and I have sworn off younger men- at least that much younger. I believe I put on my profile that I prefer men ages 38 to 48. I keep getting nudges from 30 year olds or 50 and beyond. No offense to anyone, but I don't want to date someone too young- I had it up to HERE with that- nor do I want to date someone who is closer to my parents' age either. For some reason, no one around my age is interested, and the dating sites can't seem to figure it out that I want 38 to 48! Argh!

And yes, I do hate it when someone from another state- or worse, another country- contacts me. Long distance relationships are hard enough when you've been with someone and then they have to move away for whatever reason, but I certainly don't want to start out a relationship that way.

Apparently, I am utterly unappealing to men my age that live anywhere near me.

I think with Robot it was just a small group of kids in junior high/middle school, because I used to pretend to be one. What can I say? I was a weird kid.

And I happen to like "Bug". I think it's sweet and kind of cute, although, it's ironic since I dislike bugs and insects and fear them like most would fear a guy wearing a hockey mask and brandishing an axe.

I practically live on FB. LOL I'm currently a stay-at-home mom, and I've been out of the work force for a long time, so I don't know too many people, or have too many "real life" friends. Most of my best buds are online, and I've met people from all over the world. It's great. The person I consider my best friend is from Scotland (I"m American) and we talk to each other on FB pretty much every day, as well as talked through Skype, which is the next best thing to actually being in the room with someone.

This is a great topic!

As a kid and teen, I was called

"Lee Lee"
"Penelope Rose" (Uh, don't ask)
"Robot"
"Arnold Schwartenegger's Love Child" (Sort of an in-joke)
"Ewok" (one of my favorites)

As an adult, because I am so VERY TALL, I've been called...
"Mija" (I think that translates to "little girl" in English, but my Spanish is rusty, so I could be mistaken)
"Lil' Bit"
"Lil' Lisa"
"Bug" (short for my online moniker "Bugmouthga")
"Lisa Scully"

Hi, I'm "Bug" and I'm fairly new around here. I thought I'd break the ice by working out a questionnaire about what we all consider our ideal mate. I realize there aren't too many of us that will ever find this mysterious fantasy person, but it's just for fun, and who knows? Maybe someone around here might actually fit the bill! :D

Anyway, Copy and paste and enjoy!

Part One: Superficial- aka "Looks" (Yes, I know not everyone can look as hot as David Duchovny or as beautiful as Gillian Anderson- and yes, I'm AM a major "X-Files" fan- but what are some traits you truly appreciate in your ideal mate?)

Hair:
Eyes:
Complexion:
Piercings on face or body:
Tattoos:
Height & Weight:
Age (does it matter):
Miscellaneous:


Part Two: Quality- aka their personality traits

What kind of temperament:
Type of personality (introverted/extroverted, etc.):
Name three things you'd love for them to have in common with you:
1.
2.
3.
Do you subscribe to "opposites attract" or "like attracts like"?:
Would it matter what type of job he/she had?:
Does it matter what they make financially?:
Would you prefer a homebody or a party animal?:
A tender lover or an animal?:


Your "Requirements"- aka Musts and Deal breakers
Name up to five things/traits your ideal mate must have/subscribe to:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Name up to five things that you would consider "deal breakers" in a relationship:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Please fill it out and let's discuss. :D

I think a big problem here is that men have the reputation for having a wondering eye, cheating, etc. Not all men do this, I have been told. I am hoping so, because I am looking for one of those men- the "enlightened male".

The thing is, when someone or a group of someones gains a reputation as being unfaithful or a real lady killer, etc. there is usually some reason for it, especially when considering it's the male population in general.

Do men cheat? Yes, a lot of them do. I've read polls of the average joe online that half of married/involved men cheat. That's a lot of men. Of the men who didn't, there was a large percentage that said they didn't cheat because they feared getting caught, but they would if they were sure they could get away with it. Now, I agree, marriages aren't always happy, and I will also say that the number of women who cheat on their spouses is right up there in the same percentile as men, but the greatest reasons for women who cheat it is because their own spouse is not giving them time, attention, love, etc. Granted, this can be a reason why men will cheat, too. I don't condone it either way (I was in a marriage where I was basically ignored, treated badly, and yes, I DID try to talk to him, repeatedly about things, but he chose to ignore it all- but still, I never cheated on him, never thought of it because I feel it is wrong), but a lot of the men who are asked why they cheat or why they WOULD cheat said things like, "for the thrill" or they would if they had the opportunity to. Maybe some of them were in bad marriages, I don't know, but the fact that there are men out there who would cheat for the sheer thrill of it can put a lot of women ill at ease and make them question all men, wondering if deep down, they are "one of those".

There is also the "roving eye" question, and of course, both men and women look at the opposite sex, but usually when I notice these things happening, the men are very blatant about it, often times with their wife or girlfriend standing right there beside them. It is one thing to look, it is another to ogle. And then there is the pornography issue. I know both genders have been known to watch it, but let's get serious, it is a genre that is mostly geared for men, and more men than women watch it. Some couples are okay with it. Some might not be. To me, personally, I consider it a form of cheating. This is another touchy topic and I do worry about this, because a lot of men don't think of it this way, and how does someone like me broach this subject? Wait till the second or third date and then ask what his feelings on porn are? If I have to, I will, but I know it will be extremely awkward. But like everyone, I have certain... "deal breakers" if you will, and this is one of my BIGGEST deal breakers. I want to find someone who is like minded with me on this, because it is so important.

Anyway, a lot women don't trust men because of the things men have been doing, or talk about doing for centuries. But if you're a sincere man and find a woman that you think is right for you and worth getting to know- and we are out there, some of them, like me, will be harder to get to know because we've been hurt more than others and have developed distrust towards men or sometimes just people in general- then you will surely win that woman's heart if you show her your true self and the good man you are inside. :)

I see this argument a lot, and while I'm not saying that is how you feel, or that it's necessarily wrong, but when you have a child, they do have to come first, at least on certain things, because they are children and cannot take care of themselves. For the men who fear this thing, but do want children of their own someday, that would still be an issue later on if you marry and have kids with a wife or significant other. The only difference is, the kids will be your own flesh and blood.

Sometimes I wonder about that, if it's some old remnant from our ape ancestors who might kill the infants of the females who were borne of another ape's seed. (And no, I'm certainly not saying that all men would kill their step-children, although I've heard of it happening before, quite frequently in the news lately.)

I do not know if single dads have this same stigma or not. I know some men say that single mothers seeking relationships are only looking for A. a father for their children or B. financial stability. This, I believe, could be another remnant from our ancient ancestors, where women seek and crave stability and they long for a mate that will help rear their children. Well, dead beats dads aside, many of us, while their exes might have made lousy husbands, a lot of them are still decent fathers and spend time with their kids and help with financial matters. And many single mothers also have jobs of their own. Would they like someone to help them out around the house, maybe? Well, sure. I've been divorced for awhile now, and sure, it can be tough, not merely raising kids, but just doing things around the house that used to be upkept by two people instead of one. But when two people get married or live together, sharing household responsibilities is just something people do. And think of it this way, if you're with a divorced or single mom, and the father IS in the child's life, then there's a good chance you will have some nights off every week with your lady for dating, romantic dinners, watching movies and coitus UNinterruptus, if you catch my meaning- something you wouldn't have if the kids were yours. ;)

To be honest, I want to stay away from someone like this. I just got divorced from someone who thought football, video games and buddies ranked way higher than his wife and children.

There's more to life than football. But hey, leave the wife if she gripes about it too much... just remember, when you're sick in bed with the flu or have a bad back, football and video games aren't going to help you get up to go to the bathroom, or change your puke bucket for you. I'm willing to bet most of your buddies won't either. ;)

I definitely need to find a man who isn't a sports fan. It's fine liking your favorite team and watching their games, but I don't see the need to watch EVERY SINGLE GAME ON SUNDAY!!! Also, he didn't seem to respect my time, like wanting to watch the Emmy's or the Oscar Awards- MY "games" and they only come on once a year. He STILL would invite his friends over and I'd either have to try to hear over their laughter and chatter- and they were pretty loud and obnoxious- in the living room, so I could watch my show on the big TV, or get pushed into the bedroom watching it on our little set, just to get some peace and quiet.

I've been on a couple different sites besides here and one man did just message me with "Hi". I ignored it. That seemed, strange to me.

Anyone else I've been messaged to, I've had the courtesy to write back, usually to politely decline their offers. I'm not trying to say I'm perfect, or overly picky, but I did put down what I wanted in a match, like certain ages, etc. and of course, wanting to meet someone who lives in the same state as I do.

So far, the only people who seem to want to message me are either way too young (I just got divorced from someone 9 years my junior- I'm NOT doing that again!) or my parents' age (I'm not saying older people aren't deserving of love, but I personally think that's too much of an age gap, nor do I want to feel like I was picked simply because I'm younger and they want to go out with a younger woman), or they live across country or another country entirely. To me, there's no point in that, if you are looking for someone for a long term relationship that you can spend time with and see every day, which I do. That isn't too easy when he lives on the other side of the country.

I've also had one... creepy experience, where, as mentioned on my profile- not this site- I am a divorced mother of two, and the guy who wrote me just started in on asking about my children, which made me feel ill at ease right away. Maybe he was just trying to make conversation, or maybe he was some pedophile. Either way, I'm not going to take a chance. Besides, if he's truly interested in me, then ask about me, not my kids, at least, not before telling me about yourself and getting to know me first.

Of course, the one time I DID brave up to write to a man- again, not on this site- not necessarily because I was interested in dating him (he lived in the same state, but 2 hours away in another city), but just to tell him that I admired him, as he wrote in his profile how he had recently lost a lot of weight- which I'm in the process of doing- and that he worked as an advocate for people with autism. My son has autism, so it hit a personal note with me, I guess. I remember in his profile he said he wasn't judgmental and that he knows how hard it is for people to reach out so he would NEVER dismiss someone. Guess what? Never heard from him. LOL Yeah, nice. Maybe working with people with autism doesn't translate into dating someone with an autistic child? I don't know. I'm also a feminist, though, and I do make mention of it in my profiles, not to brag or purposely scare people away, but I do want them to know ahead of time that I'm proud of my gender and I expect being treated as an equal with any partner, so neither of us waste our time if he doesn't feel that way.

Anyway, my latest message was from someone here who lives in New York *Rolls eyes, since I live in AZ* and I don't think English was his first language. I'm not trying to sound like a snob about that, that doesn't matter, but he was VERY anxious, trying to get something started, he kept going on and on about how he wanted to get to know me- in the first freaking letter!- and I began to wonder if he might be wanting a green card more than a lover, and maybe he picked the ugliest woman he could find, thinking I'd jump at the chance to have someone interested in me. Well, I'm not so easy. I wished him well and told him good luck on finding someone who lives nearby and he wrote back AGAIN saying he didn't care if I lived across country. So, I wrote him back saying that I DID care. LOL Thankfully, haven't heard from him since.

I think that can still fall along the lines of superficial. I think what people forget about someone who is overweight is that...

They may or may NOT eat any more than the average person does, but their genetics have them gaining weight more easily. Sometimes, too, it could be because of a condition they have or medication they take. Or maybe , if it's a woman, she's had a baby and she's working on losing the baby fat. For some of us, it might take longer than others, due to their metabolism. Just as you might see a really thin person, that doesn't mean they are in good health or take care of themselves. They might have a disease or even an eating disorder, or maybe, they're genetically predisposed to be thin. Lucky them that it's socially acceptable to be thin. That doesn't mean they exercise and take care of their bodies. They might even eat way more than the overweight person sitting at the next table at a restaurant who's trying to survive on a small salad does.

As to the original question, I think it depends on how one defines "bad teeth". Do you just mean crooked teeth? Yes, easily fixable and yes, sometimes people don't have dental insurance and can't afford what many would consider to be cosmetic surgery. But if it's because they smoke or eat too many sugary foods, or never brush or floss, then, I would say no, because it goes beyond bad teeth into unhealthy habits, some of which might prove fatal.

And yes, while an overweight person might be overweight because he or she eats cream pies or something, if they die of a heart attack, well, it would be sad, and of course, ultimately, it would be their own fault, but it isn't as if they would be shoving a cream pie in your face. But if it's a person with bad teeth, because they're say, a smoker, smoking can make other people around them ill. Or maybe they just don't brush and floss and they've got gingivitis, well, that can be passed on to their mate through kissing.

So, BOTH of your arguments can be considered superficial, and not all overweight people are fat, lazy idiots that sit on their ***** all day eating bon bons.