Son, start telling them about your problems and they will come running to fix you...

I told you son, none of these women will ever take care of you the way I have... Your mother left us and they will leave you too...

I told you, do not call me daddy, your a$$ better address me as sir and when I tell you to fix my drink and mix my corn liquor with coke, all I want to hear is, coming right up sir... Keep on with those smart a$$ remarks and there will be no boating lake in your future for tonight.. You will be stuck here to hear Brenda's head banging against your mothers headboard....

Songs "Written" individually by the Artist that sings them
1. Bad, Bad Leroy Brown ~ Jim Croce
2. Uptown Girl ~ Billy Joel
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Where's my dam drink at... Next thing you know, you will be wearing a funny little hat and crushing wine glasses wrapped up in napkins... I tried to get you to go down to the Catholic Church with me where they serve the good wine... Hell father Martin ain't never been too good to pass the bottle... What a dam waste running around with that bunch... I don't give a sheit they tell you to do, you better mix my drink before you do anything...

All he needs is Brenda to come by and pop her teeth out...

You want to be a little smart a$$ I see... Your mama ain't going to be here to save you from my belt this time ... I'll knock that smirk right off your face... That public-school that you are going to has you brainwashed... I do not want you hanging around those Jehovah's witnesses anymore you hear me!!!...

Quit that dam crying and man out, even that toothless two bit hooker Brenda does not like to see a grown man cry... And throw that dam teddy bear in the garbage... Don't make me whip your a$$ son...

Make sure she is not from Vermont...

Screw that wheat liquor!!.. I wasn't drinking out of the toilet... That was the night your deranged mother poisoned my vodka and I was throwing my guts up.... Why do you think I do not drink vodka anymore... I will never be hugging the toilet like that again...

That's also where she told me that she was on the pill... There were a couple of girls that I could have had that night and out of all of the ones I chose that two bit trick that ran off to Vermont... And you wonder why I drink the way I do... Keep going down to that lake, I do not make enough to buy us both corn liquor...

This is a 100% true story!

And yes, I have my moments ;)

In the advanced search settings

Once I got past your boobs, I realized you might want to add a little more in your profile. Looking for love is like a generic answer to tell you about yourself. Tend to stay away from the one-size-fits-all about the answers.

Clarification - obviously the average size does not fit you though...

Good Luck!

When I was around age 21, I stopped by a friend of mine's house in Mississippi.. It was pretty late at night and as I'm knocked on the door, his mother answered. I asked if my friend was there and she replied that he just went down the road and he would be back if I wanted to come inside and wait on him. I was sitting on the couch minding my own business when his mother began to seduce me. Needless to say, we got down right there on the living room floor. I was a little uneasy thinking my friend could be back any moment. When the deed was done, I asked the mother about my friend and she replied back to me, oh he's not coming home tonight.

OMG....

Approximately one year later, I was at a party and my friend was there with his mother that I had slept with. We were all having a good time and sitting at a table outside and then all of the sudden everyone left the table and went inside except my friend and I. He looked me straight in the eye and said, I know you slept with my mama... Then he said, I have been thinking about killing you because of it...

OMFG....

How did this come up in conversation between mother and son? Did it happen at the dinner table one night?...

WTF OMFG .....

I will wrestle you for a big Mac...

Jimmy Buffet duets (only list the other out artist with the song)
1. Caribbean Amphibian ~ Kermit the Frog
2. Trip Around The Sun ~ Martina McBride
3. Knee Deep ~ Zach Brown Band
4. Boats To Build ~ Alan Jackson
5. All Night Long ~ Lionel Richie
6. License to Chill ~ Kenny Chesney
7. Conky Tonkin ~ Clint Black
8. Piece of Work ~ Toby Keith
9. Playin The Lower Again ~ Bill Withers
10. Sea of Heartbreak ~ George Strait
11. Someone I Used To Love ~ Nanci Griffith
12. Hey Good Lookin ~ Clint Black, George Strait, Kenny Chesney, and Toby Keith

Songs "Written" by the Artist that sings them


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Did someone just make reference to a rooster and a vagina in the same sentence?

Perhaps this thread is in the wrong location, in the title and the OP mentions nothing about rating..


Simple Observation. Aside from that I would rotate your picture and be careful whom you call a Lady ...

Good luck.

Or too attached... Let me breathe dammit!!