Call it a work in progress? I don't know, it's something I hammered out to an interesting beat I heard the other day. It's kinda rough/rugged in my head.

What if I'm not strong enough to be the man I need to be,
I cannot stand up to myself cuz all my fantasy's defeating me,
And damn ya see it's happening--- it takes a toll upon sanity,
In my mind, ya see, I'm strong enough self-doubt attacks me randomly,
So now I catch myself contemplatin stupid little things,
Oh **** it silly me, I can't stop debating mentally,
And the thoughts are stayin' menacing,
The cost is my ability to get my mind to stop with grillin me,
What if I had a dream, what if I had to try,
What if I did my best and it just shattered over night,
What if I am ****in up until it's all beyond repairin,
Family walks away all completely done with carin,
It's dumb to terror-Ize myself with all these what if scary,
Thoughts that may or may not ever come to bearing,
But what if all my friends were sick or long been gone
What if I'm not good enough Cuz I was trippin all along,
my chance's missed and lost'n gone,
What if I'm not even s'posed to be spittin on this song...



And another just for fun =P


Tribulation gives me strength, In the face of big mistakes,
man I cant just live with hate, so I get the rage to dissipate,
Turn it 'round to tracks and bars, I've heard the sound of passion calls,
Poetry to flow this piece and learn the balance act it's hard,
To play this game with broken pieces,
You may just say I'm over eager
But with paint and tape I hope to beat it,
And change the face of flowing even,
To where words are spoken chalked with meaning,
A verse is fully not deceiving,
Where a person's soul ain't lost in screamin,
Spurned and cold beyond believing,
I'm tired of all these stated claims,
I'd like us all to face the change,
If you practice in redundancy, you find it all remains the same,
So now I grease the mic and burn with Bics,
And leave behind a verse that's crisp,
Redefine what you heard that's sick,
Then read between the lines and learn a bit,
---I pimp the words with verbs in verse,
And kiss the world with urgent thirst,
Get inturred and burn the hearse,
And then in turn enter the church,
So face the facts I'm steps beyond ya---
The worlds a party and I'm the guest of honor

Ahh, now I feel better that you approve of my own dalliances! You are a creative one yourself. Very eloquent and meaningful with a thought-provoking series of imagery that transitions clearly and concisely into the next.

"A carriage passes me and I turn my head

A bride and a groom blushing red

Two doves above tear at my heart

As I sit alone with no where to start"


^^^by far my favorite bit. I don't think anyone can honestly say they haven't felt that exact loneliness at some point.

12- You leave them little gifts in surprising places

11- You make sure they have a warm towel waiting every time they get out of the bath/shower

10- You are attracted to their SOUL

9- You play wordgames with their name when they're not around

8- You have more pictures of them than you do your entire family combined

7- You've composed at least one song about them and them alone (but are too scared to sing it to them)

6- You would kill for them

5- You would die for them

4- You have at least one Teddy Bear or Cuddle Pillow that you hold when you cannot hold them at night

3- You actually DON'T watch porn to "do the dirty to yourself", but rather picture their smiling face.

2- You live to make them happy...

1- Finally, you know that no such tiny thing as a restraining order can keep you apart...

Thank you kindly. More will come steadily. I write whenever it strikes my fancy or I hear an instrumental I like. I'll attempt to only put new stuff up in this forum rather than going back through my massive stack of binder paper.

Thanks for the welcome. I try to make an impression. HAHA.

Warning, I do use a bit of profanity:

It's the worst day of my life, man I'm tainted out of luck,
But if you think about it now the only way is to go up,
I'm climbing out this grave until I'm standing up above,
Warming up inside and now I'm basking in the sun,
Then I'm reaching for the bottle, something slips in my control,
Til I'm picking up the shovel just to dig another hole,
The soil's getting rocky and the bottom's getting near,
I'm praying to the heavens some god will interfere,
I keep pushing him away and I push away my friends,
And I'm making these apologies I said I wouldn't make again,
I'd kill ANYONE who harmed them and I always tell the truth,
But I'm lying to myself or I'd know just what to do,
So I read the story of my life and then I take another look,
When I read the final chapter, I burn the ****ing book,
Then I climb back in my whole and I drink another handle,
Through the eyes of a drunk, I watch it all unravel...

((A reference to a drinking problem that I have gotten over, for the most part, but I still occasionally struggle to maintain an even keel and keep myself from going overboard))


---A bit more abstract?

Life is a metaphysical, manifestation of my manic frustration,
That is jammed within this panic until I'm gaspin and shaking,
Maybe if I was massive sedated, then this pact here with hatred,
Could be contained within my brain and I could laugh and just shake it,
But as sad as this state is, I'm a pacafist sadist,
And my sanity is lacking see, I cannot just take it,
I guess I have to lose face it, til this attitude changes,
Adversity don't work for me, whatever happened to jaded?
It was flat integrated into my daily plan in the making,
But I've broke it down and thrown it out until it's rapidly faded,
Now I'm staring at the wall thinking of bashing my face in,
Like if I hit it quick with viciousness I'll magically break it,
Do I have to restate it? I'm here rapid degrading,
To a creature that is featureless, abandoned and shameless,
So, do I answer the saints when they demand that this faithless,
Man grab for the stainless, put my thoughts up on the wall so now I'm happily painless...

((Just a angst/nearly meaningless play through aggression and words---))

One more, even more abstract and just fun in general from a darker side of things---

I pray to dark gods and the fiends and the angels,
I dream in my sleep and I speak to Azazel,
The demon bequeaths all the meanings of fables,
So see I am able to reach in the breach and make deals with Ba'al,
The darkness it beckons, this heart is decrepit,
Deformed and it's torn from the warmth of the blessed,
Scorned and it's wretched, informed that It's dead when,
The force of the torture endorphins affect it,
So pray for this madman who's faith is abandoned,
This hate is incased in a face that is average,
Tainted and ravaged, defaced and its damaged,
Lay rape to my fate make it painful and savage,
I'm begging for freedom instead I'm defeated,
By creatures so fiendish they feed off this weakness,
So I sit alone in the dark of this room,
Cuz to shed myself of demons is harder to do...

((Don't ask what inspired it, I just felt a steady beat in my head and went for it. I thought it was fun and zany... ))

Criticism, feedback, comments, all are appropriate as long as they're intellectually founded and are educated responses rather than pointless "you suck" etc.

Thanks for taking the time to read my little dalliances into the world of rap and poetry. Enjoy.


Please excuse my poor spelling. The bane of my existence.